Ziva's Diary
by Ziva4Tony
Summary: This is Ziva's Diary starting at age 7 and will progress through her life going to present day and will continue as the show does. Starting with Ch 14 are the diary entries pertaining to the show starting with Kill Ari Part 1 and 2.
1. Chapter 1

This is Ziva's Diary Please enjoy it.  
Disclaimer I still do not own NCIS or the characters. However if I did Ziva and Tony would be together.

Eventually this will be TIVA however that is awhile down the road. Since the writers will not give us a background I thought I would help create one.

Background in episode Blowback season 4 Tony says he is cancer, Gibbs Virgo and Ziva says Scorpian so I am assuming they are using there real birthdays for the characters. So Ziva's birthday is November 12, however she is going to be a little older than Cote. So Ziva's birth year is 1973 this is not cannon just my choice. Also I am writing this in English however Ziva is actually writing in Hebrew this is just the translation. This Diary will go from the time she receives it for her 7th birthday to present. I am trying to keep it age appropriate for the writing.

Mossad--------------------------------------------------------------TIVA-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NCIS

November 12, 1980  
Dear Diary

Daddy got me this book for me to keep notes on important things as I grow up. He says I need to write down my thoughts and memories.  
He has to leave in the morning again, however Ari is going to come stay with Tali and me and Mommy for awhile. Ari is my big brother he has a different mommy than Tali and me however that is ok. Ari is 11 years old he is going to be a doctor, and go to school in England like his mommy. Ari and me though both want to be like daddy and go into Mossad and play secret officer.

I just turned 7 today also, Daddy told me I will be leaving to go to a special school in France with Ari. I start there in January, Mommy smiled but I could tell she was sad. At least in France there are no bombs.

Daddy says he will come see me in France, I do not think he will come though. He always makes promises and never keeps them.

Mommy tells me I will wear a uniform at school however she is going to buy me all new clothes to wear on my off time.  
Mommy says she and Tali will come see me on Holiday when Daddy says she can.

Well, this is a lot of writing and I am tired. Ari will be here in the morning and I need to get some sleep so we can go horse back riding tomorrow on the beach. I promised Daddy we would not loose our escort this time.  
Goodnight

* * *

December 1 1980  
Dear Diary

Well Ari has been here for the last few weeks. He and I have so much fun. He has told me all about our school. We both will have a private room most of the kids have to share rooms. He promised me that he will have lunch with me everyday and he will not let anyone pick on me.

Mommy and I got all my new clothes, they are very pretty. Mommy was crying last night I heard her ask Daddy not to send me away. I do not understand why Mommy is sad, Daddy said she was happy to have me go to the special school.

Ari has to go home to the Gaza Strip tomorrow, I am scared for him. He promises me he is safe there though. I asked if I could go, and he said I would not be safe, I needed to stay in Tel Aviv.

Ari is going to miss Haunka again. Though we exchanged presents anyways.

Tali will be three next week, she gets my room when I goto school in France.

* * *

Jan 10th 1981  
Dear Diary 

I am at my school in France, it is on the island of Corse. It is very pretty. However I miss Mommy and even bratty Tali. The last three days Ari has met me for lunch as he promised.

Most of the kids here are not Jewish or Muslim. No one comments about me being Jewish though so that is good.

The classes are ok, I have French, Spanish and Hebrew studies. Math and writing are easy. Science is a little more difficult, the teacher is from America and talks funny.

Ari and I are in the same Martial Arts classes on Monday and Thursday I have my green belt he is working on getting his black belt. We are also taking riding classes together on the weekends.

Daddy promised he would call yesterday, however he did not. Ari lied to me and said he called and I was asleep and he gave me a kiss on the cheek he said was from Daddy. Daddy never gives me a kiss. I know Ari means well, however I would rather him to tell me the truth.

Ohhh here at school Ari's last name is David like mine, that is funny when Daddy gets angry at him he calls him Ari Haswari.

* * *

March 1, 1981  
Dear Diary 

Mommy is coming to visit next week and is taking Ari and I out for lunch on the weekend. I asked Ari if his Mommy ever comes he told me when I was older we would talk more about that.

My grades are all 4 and 5's out of 5. Mommy said since Ari and I are doing so well we get to buy anything we want. I want to buy something for mommy so she does not miss me so much. I can hear the tears in her voice.

Daddy is away again on a mission and can not call. Mommy says he may be able to visit during the summer. I can tell mommy is lying, I can hear it in her voice.

I really hate to say it, however I like the school here, I wish mommy and Tali would move here it is better than Tel Aviv. Daddy could always just come visit us when he is not busy.

* * *

April 2, 1981  
Dear Diary 

Mommy, Ari and I had a nice visit we went to Porto and played at the beach, went riding and just had fun. Mommy gave Ari a card that was from his mother. Ari said it was actually a card Mommy picked out and addressed from his mother. He told me she means well, then I asked him like when he tells me he spoke to Daddy and he has not. He said sorry and promised no more lies. We will see.

Daddy is still away on a mission. Mommy and Tali are going to go stay with Grandma in England for awhile, she promised she will pick Ari and I up here and bring us to England for the summer. I am excited I have not been to England since I was Tali's age. Grandma loves to spoil us, the summer is going to be a lot of fun.

Mommy asked if I had friends. I told her about Louise and Dominique and Nadia and Pilar, she was impressed I had so many friends. I guess Mommy forgot all my friends in Tel Aviv I had in school there.

Mommy cried when we she said Goodbye, I told her not to cry we would be together soon in the summer.

* * *

June 12, 1981  
Dear Diary 

Classes end June 30th. I am so excited, Mommy has arranged for Ari and I to fly to England. Officer Michel a friend of Daddy's is picking us up at school and taking us to England.

Ari is not to happy though cause he will not see his Mommy for a long time, there is more fighting going on and Israel and Gaza are not safe Mommy says.

Ohh, Daddy called and I got to talk to him. He said I did so good in school he is getting me and Ari our own horses for school next year to ride.  
I told Daddy all about Mommy's visit and that I am writing in my Diary.

Daddy asked me what I told the kids what he did, as always I told them Daddy is a business man and works around the world.

Daddy promised he would be there for Ari's birthday. Ari said it was a lie. Ari is right Daddy lies a lot however he never misses my birthday.

* * *

August 1, 1981  
Dear Diary 

Yesterday was Ari's birthday we went to London for the day. It was a lot of fun. Daddy surprised us with a visit. I told Ari he was gonna make it. He and Ari went off for a few hours while Mommy, Tali and I went shopping.

Ari told me this morning he got to see his Mommy yesterday. Daddy had made arrangements for her to come to London for a few hours to see Ari. However she could not stay long.

Ari and I start school September 3, so Mommy said we will fly to France and get back in the Dorm no later than September 1.

Mommy says that two of my friends from Tel Aviv would be starting school there also. Sari and Navid are going to start. Navid is my age and Sari is 9 years old. There parents are both in Mossad. I feel bad I know I can't see my Daddy much but to have both gone all the time must be really bad.

Mommy said she will make arrangements to come see me for my Birthday in November. That seems like a very long time. Even though I like school I am missing Mommy more than ever. I only get to see her for the summer and winter holiday now. At least I have one more month to spend with her before we leave.

Ari has important exams this year he says he wants to go to a important school in England for secondary and needs to get high marks. He said the rest of the summer he is studying. I wonder if Daddy will let me go to school near Ari whe he goes to secondary school.

Tali is getting better she is talking more and her and Mommy look so much alike. I laugh when everyone comments how much Ari and I look a like since we are only half brother and sister yet my full sister and I hardly look a like. Mommy just smiles and as always pretends that Ari is her son and we are full siblings.

* * *

September 15, 1981 

Dear Diary,

I am back in school. I have to take English this year. I had to choose two other languages also, so I choose Russian and Turkish. I did not tell them I already spoke some Turkish though.

I also have science, French literacy and social studies and art. I still have martial arts and horseback riding.

Daddy sent Michel with us again to drop us off at school. Michel reminded us to be careful. Ari told me it is because of Daddy's mission that we are both in the special school and Mommy is in England.

I wish I understood more about what Daddy does. I know he helps keep Israel safe and stops the bad guys from hurting people. Ari says that when he needs to Daddy even kills the bad guys. I wonder if God forgives Daddy or will he be punished?

Daddy had my room redecorated with a new pink bedspread and soft green curtains and he sent tons of stuffed ponies and puppies. I think this is to make up for the missed calls and visits.

Sari's room is next door she and her brother also got private rooms. Sari has a crush on Ari, I can not wait to tell Ari though, it will be great to torture him.

* * *

October 19th 1981 

I have less than a month for my Birthday. Daddy has not called since school started. Mommy calls once a week to talk to both Ari and me.

Ari said he has a special surprise for me for my birthday. I am so excited. Ari always gets me a nice birthday present, though he usually misses my birthday because of school. Last year he only missed it by a day. School goes on Winter holiday a week after my birthday this year though.

Mommy is coming to school for my birthday and staying til school is out. She is leaving the brat in England with Grandma, so I get Mommy all to myself. Well at least some, I do not mind sharing her with Ari though.

I wonder if Ari thought of me as a brat when I was Tali's age? I will have to ask him.

Ari has been studying a lot I do not even get to see him at lunch anymore.

Mommy is on the phone.

Shalom

* * *

Please read and review. Some chapters will cover several years. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer I am just borrowing the characters so I can create my own backstory for Ziva. This is just for fun.

Thank You to everyone who hasread and reviewed the story. Please keep the reviews coming they make my day:)

* * *

Dear Diary, 

It is November 12th my birthday I am 8 today. Daddy never called he missed my birthday, now I know how Ari feels when Daddy has missed his birthdays.

Ari got me a gold Star of David necklace it is so beautiful. He bought it with his own money he has saved from his allowance Daddy gives us. My brother is the best in the entire world. Ari told me that Daddy would make it up to me since he could not be here or call for my birthday.

Mommy called she is going to make arrangements to have Michel pick us up and take us to Israel. Tali is sick so mommy did not want to leave her with the servants. It will be nice to go back and see my friends in Israel it has been almost a year since I have left. Grandma stayed in England though, she said she is too old to make the trip to Israel anymore. Mommy said she would have me a party when we got to Israel.

My studies have been going well. The languages are fun to learn, Daddy always said that Ari and I must be very smart as we both learned to speak Hebrew and Arabic and French by the age of 4 years old. Tali can only speak Hebrew and a little French she has a harder time keeping the languages straight she is more like Mommy. Mommy can speak Hebrew, French and English however she only uses English if she does not want me and Ari to know what she is saying. However Ari's english is very good and tells me what she is saying Ari says I need to start learning English.

Well time for bed.

* * *

Jan 15th 1982 

Dear Diary

We are now back in school. I hate to admit it, however I really like being away at school. Ari and I have lots of friends who we now know work with Daddy that goto school here. We have a secret club just like at Daddy's work, where we can talk about our parents going away and missing birthdays, holidays and dance recitals. Ari says we have to still be careful what we say as you can never really trust anyone. Ari is acting more and more like Daddy.

Tali is now 4 years old and she looks just like mommy. She loves to dress up and mommy and her do everything together, Tali has Mommy's smile and sounds just like her when she laughs. She is getting to be more fun when I am around her, however her French still needs major work. I asked mommy if Tali will go to my school when she is older. Mommy said Tali would be staying and going to school in Israel. When I tried to ask more questions she told me that I might also get to return to school in Israel if it stayed as it was.

Daddy showed up for Tali's birthday and Haunka it was so much fun. He was impressed with all the things I told him about that I had learned in school. I begged him to keep going to school in France I told him it was like being on a secret mission. He laughed and told me he would see what he could do.

I asked daddy when I would see him again, he said he had a trip that would take him to America for the next two years and that he would allow both Ari and I to come visit if we were good at school. I have never been to America however I have heard my friends talk about it. I hope we can go. I wonder if Mommy and Tali get to come he did not mention them.

* * *

February 20th 1982 

Dear Diary

Ari got hurt yesterday during Archery. Some other kid accidently shot him with a arrow it went into his left leg. I was so scared when I heard he got hurt. Ari said he is fine and told me to promise I would not hurt the other boy who did this to him. I promised, however I did not promise I would not make that boy think I was not going to hurt him.

You see it works like this when Ari and I were younger and Daddy was around more, he would make us think we would be in major trouble if we did not do as told. Though I must admit I would never want to find out if it was true or not. Daddy's looks could kill at times. However this boy who hurt Ari may just have to wonder if I will take revenge. However I love my school and do not want to get dismissed, so I will do as Ari says and not bother him.

Daddy has made arrangements for Ari and I to goto the Israeli embassy for Holiday this summer in America. I can not wait he promised we could go see the White House and the zoo. I hope the I can get to see the panda's. I hope that Daddy can take us for the tour instead of an escort. Mommy is taking Tali to England again and staying with Grandma. It seems that Ari is the only family I get to see, and he will be going to a new school next year.

* * *

May 1st 1982 

Dear Diary

Daddy said I will have to go to England with Mommy for the summer holiday. Ari get to fly to America and spend the summer with him. I am so jealous. Ari promised he would get me something special from America though. Ari always keeps his promises to me. Ari is also going to visit his Mom is the Gaza Strip for part of the summer. Ari has totally recovered from his injury. The boy who hurt him was dismissed because he said something about Ari and I being Jewish.

Ari was informed he was accepted into a school in England. It is called Eton College, it is an all boys prep school for college. Daddy says if I am as good as Ari he will send me to the all Girls school in England as well to prepare for college. Mommy would like that since she stays in England so much now.

Ari told me that we will only get to see each other during part of the summer holidays now. However he promised he would write to me, and he made me promise to write back. However he said we must do it in English. Ughhh I hate english why could he not have went to school in France.

* * *

June 29th 1982 

Dear Diary

I am on the airplane heading to the Israeli embassy in Paris, France. I am so excited, Ari is going to met Benjamin there and then go on to America and visit Daddy. I am going to met Michel and go on to England, where Mommy will pick me up at the Embassy. Then Mommy said Tali and her and I are going on a trip to Ireland.

My grades were all 5's with the exception of English I have a 4 in there. Daddy said I must learn to speak the language or I will not be able to get into Mossad when I grow up. When I told Mommy this she told me not to worry. I think she was mad that I want to go into Mossad like Daddy.

Ari keeps trying to peak at what I am writing he is not as good as I am at sneaking into other peoples space. I catch him every time.

* * *

August 2nd 1982 

Dear Diary

I talked to Ari on the phone for his birthday. This is the first one I can remember not being there to celebrate with him. He is in Gaza now with his Mommy. He said she said Hi. I have never met her before however she always sends a message of hello through Ari to me. I always tell him to say Hi in return.

I told him about the trip to Ireland. I told him that Mommy said next summer we would goto Switzerland, and if he wanted he could join us. Mommy said when I am older I can visit Daddy however I am to young and he is too busy for me to visit. Ari agreed he said Daddy was very busy and he only saw him at dinner and that Benjamin toured him around Washington DC and that I would have hated it since we had to have our escort with us at all times, however when asked he had to pretend he did not speak english and Benjamin explained he was his uncle. At least I do not have to pretend my english is bad it really is bad.

Mommy has made me speak English all summer, it is improving however I prefer Hebrew and French. Mommy and I talked about my classes for the next year. She wants me to take English, French and German I want to take Turkish and Russian again they are more fun. I am also taking introduction to Algebra and social history, and introduction in psychology. Mommy said she is worried I will not have enough time to have fun. I told her I still will have martial arts I am working on my black belt this year I will have it a year before Ari got his. I also still am taking dance class and piano lessons 3 times a week. She said for being 8 I acted like I was 20. When I asked about Ari she said he was 13 going on 40.

Ohh I started to teach Tali Arabic she is actually learning it faster now. She can count to 10 and can ask simple questions in Arabic. However her English is great Mommy and her must talk a lot in English.

Well I hate to see the summer end. We are heading back to Israel tomorrow and will stay there until I return to school on September 3rd. Mommy said she would like me to stay with her and Tali in Israel and go to school here. However when I was listening to her talk to Daddy on the phon he got mad and told her that I needed to finish school in France as he had promised. He then said he would allow her to school Tali in Israel. Why is it Ari and I are allowed to be school abroad yet Tali gets to stay with Mommy in Israel?

* * *

September 10th 1982 

Dear Diary

I am so glad to be back at school, though I really miss Ari. I have my friends from Israel however at least when Ari was here it was a little bit of family here.

School is the same as always. At least here most everyone speaks French and english is seldom used. My friends from Israel and I always speak in Hebrew to each other, it is like a secret language as no other kids speak it unless they are Jewish or Israeli.

Daddy called and wished me a happy school year. He said he agreed with my choices of languages and other classes. He encouraged me to take more martial arts classes. He said when I get my black belt he would send me a special gift. I asked Daddy if he was mad at Mommy he said no, however I could hear the lie in his voice, when I asked him again he said I read too much into things.

Daddy said he would be back in Israel to visit with us for the Holiday. He said he would also call for my birthday. He told me that I was to not talk to Mommy anymore about going into Mossad it would just be our secret. Daddy told me that Mommy was not ready for me to grow up and go away yet, she just wanted me to stay her little girl. I told him she had Tali she could stay and be her little girl. Daddy laughed, then he said that was ok I was his little girl.

I think it is funny what Daddy said about me going away when I grow up, I all ready go away to school in France, and I only see Mommy in the summer. Maybe he means go away like him where he is gone for months at a time with no phone calls. Daddy makes lots of money and loves us a lot. I don't understand why mommy would not want me in Mossad. After all they go get the bad guys and help protect Israel. I know Ari is going to join Mossad when he is grown at least that is what he tells me. He said after he goes to medical school he will join Mossad and use his Medical degree as a cover. I want to goto Israel University though not sure what I want to study yet, maybe Daddy will help me choose my field of study like he did for Ari.

* * *

October 1 1982 

Dear Diary

I miss Ari and even Tali no one has called me in the last few weeks since I have written in you. Daddy did send me a puzzle box from Saudi Arabia. He sent a note saying he would show me how to open it when I saw him in December if I had not figured it out. I have got half the puzzle done with the clues he gave me however I have not got it open yet. He said he would send me another clue next week, I hope to have it open before then though.

Mommy said she is having a big party for me at our new home in Tel Aviv. The house is larger she said Tali and I no longer have to share a room. Ari also has a room when he comes to visit that is just his. I am excited about seeing the new house. Mommy sounds very happy when she calls, she said she might have another surprise when I arrive. I hope it is not another brother or sister.

* * *

October 9th 1982 

Dear Diary

I got the puzzle box open without using the next clue. I told daddy he was so proud. Inside was a pair of earrings and a gold bracelet. On the bracelet it said I Love You and the other side was plain. The necklace has my name engraved in Hebrew on one side and Egyptian Hieroglyphics on the other. Daddy said when I get my next level in martial arts I would get another surprise.

Daddy said Ari would be home for the Holiday but he would only get to stay with us for a few days.

Daddy also asked if I wanted to go to school again in Israel? I am scared to tell him that I would rather stay here at school. I think Mommy wants me to stay in Israel with her and Tali. Though Tali has a few more years before she is old enough to come to school here, you have to be seven to attend school here and speak fluent French. Tali's French is not that good, maybe that is why Mommy has not pushed for her to learn French.

Daddy said it would be my choice, however I had to let him know by November 1st.

* * *

October 29th 1982 

Dear Diary

I think I made Mommy cry today. I told her I wanted to continue to go to school here in France. It is very challenging and the schools in Israel do not have all the language classes.

Mommy then told me I would be going to Aunt Nettie's in Paris for part of the Holiday, then Ari would join me in Paris and together we would come to Israel and stay for a week at the new house and then he would go to Gaza and I would return with Daddy to Aunt Netties.

Daddy called me a little after I hung up on Mommy. I asked him if Mommy was mad at me for staying at school. He promised me that she was not, she just missed me. Tali and Mommy are so much alike they both cry easily and as Daddy says wear there heart on there sleeves. Daddy says I am like him and Ari and I need to keep people guessing. I do not understand what he means by that though.

I can go to school here til for 4 more years then i have to choose a secondary school. Ari said I needed to start looking now. Maybe I can find a school in France or Switzerland. Maybe Daddy will tell me where to go like he did for Ari.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer Again I do not own NCIS or the characters. This is just for fun.

Thanks to all who are reading my story:) Please review I do accept them as payment:)

November 12, 1982

Dear Diary

Today I am 9 years old. Daddy sent me a Jewelrey box and inside was a Topaz ring my birthstone. There is a place to hang my necklaces also. He also sent me a large stuffed unicorn. He said this is to remind me to believe in the unbelievable and never give up hope. Sometime he is so silly.

Mommy and Tali called and told me Happy Birthday. She said her and Tali would take me out for a trip to the beach when I came home. I told her about the jewelry box and ring. She said I am getting quite the assortment of jewelery and when I got to Israel she would take me shopping for a pair of diamond earrings.

I am excited I get to visit Aunt Nettie in Paris and see Ari and then go shopping for my first pair of diamond earrings with Mommy. I guess she has forgave me for staying in France to go to school.

December 7th, 1982

Dear Diary

Ari and I are both at Aunt Netties. I am so excited she has been taking us all around Paris. I must say this is probably my favorite place I have ever been to.

Aunt Nettie is daddy's older sister and according to Mommy I look a lot like her. Aunt Nettie is in Mossad also however i can not tell Mommy or she will worry. Aunt Nettie has been all around the world. She has a wide assortment of knives and told me she will teach me to throw them when I turn 10. Ari all ready can throw knives I have seen him do it he is really good. Aunt Nettie also has a lot of guns. She has one in the living room that she caught me with as I found it under the desk. She told me I am the daughter of a Mossad agent i should know better than to touch them. Ari told me she was just wanting to protect me from getting hurt or from hurting someone else by accident. I told Ari no matter what I would never hurt him not even on accident. Ari gave me a hug and said he knew I would never hurt him after all we just had each other.

We leave next week to go to Tel Aviv. Ari is going to spend a day at our new house then he goes to Gaza.

I bought Mommy and Tali a present here in Paris. I hope they both like it Aunt Nettie thinks they will.

Dec 20th 1982

Dear Diary

There was a bombing today and Josie was killed, she was a year older than me. Her Mommy was hurt very bad, and Mommy and Tali and I saw it happen. We just had left the shopping center when the explosion happen. Daddy says it was a suicide bomber. I am really scared, I just want to go back to school. Mommy agreed that I could go back to France.

Daddy and I had a long talk about everything that happen and he explained to me that Mossad tries to prevent the bombings and destruction. He said that is why it is important to pay close attention. To always see who is around how they behave, and to remember everything you can. He also said life is like a puzzle you have to look at the pieces to find out how to put it together.

Daddy said he would never let anyone hurt me or Mommy or Tali. I hope this is one promise he will keep.

December 26th 1982

Dear Diary

Mommy and Daddy had a fight last night. I heard Mommy wants to take Tali to England and live there. He wants to teach Tali more languages and to teach her to be more like Ari and I. She said she would not have her daughter become another child of Mossad, it was bad enough what he had done with Ari and I.

Daddy told her to hold her tongue. Then he went out of the room and came into my room and watched me for a little bit then he left.

When he went back into his room I heard him tell Mommy that he thought I had heard them fighting and they would not speak of this again while I was here.

I know Daddy loves Mommy however I am not sure she loves him anymore.

Jan 5th 1983

Dear Diary

I am back at school again. I am really happy to be here. Marsi was also friends with Josie and we talked about missing our friend. Marsi's mom is in Mossad he father died years ago in a suicide bombing when he was on vacation to the Dead Sea. Marsi said her mom told her that is why she keeps her in France to protect her until she is older. Marsi and I are both looking at going to school in Switzerland for secondary and college prep. However Marsi wants to go to England for Medical school like Ari. Marsi says she may consider going into Mossad but she is not sure right now.

Mommy and Tali are visiting Grandma in England again. Daddy was not happy about it however he is going back to America. He is working with some people over there called the CIA. I heard about this from Marsi as her mother is also on the same mission. She said it is to convince the Americans to support Israel.

Jan 16th 1983

Dear Diary

Daddy called me today and said I am no longer to talk to Mommy unless he says it is ok. He said that Tali was with him in America and would return to Israel soon. I started to cry a little however Daddy got that very stern voice and told me I should not cry it was a sign of weakness that others would take advantage of. Daddy said he was accepting an office job in Tel Aviv being a control officer. I am not sure what that is. However he said he would be there more for us.

I am worried why I can no longer talk to Mommy. I know Daddy will tell me eventually.

Jan 21st 1983

Daddy said I can talk to mommy again. Mommy is back living with Daddy in Israel and everyone seems happy. Mommy told me she loves me very much and that when I come to visit we would go to the beach. Mommy did not sound happy, though Daddy and her said she was. Daddy told me not to tell Mommy about our previous phone call.

Mommy said if it was okay with Daddy maybe she could come visit me in France and we could goto Paris to see Aunt Nettie for the weekend. I think that would be fun. I could hear Daddy in the background telling her Michel would also escort us til we got to Aunt Netties and then would escort me back to school.

I wonder why Daddy is being so controlling, I will ask Ari when I write him tomorrow.

February 15th 1983

Dear Diary

I got my letter back from Ari, he said I need to learn to listen then ask questions. He said watch when Mommy visits and see how she reacts. He said Daddy just wants to protect us and has our best interest. Ari then told me I needed to not let something that I can not change upset me I needed to put my feelings aside. He said I would not make a good Mossad agent if I could not learn that.

Ari told me that I should not ask Daddy any questions if I had questions write him but then destroy the letters so neither of us could get in trouble. I don't understand why we would get in trouble.

March 3rd 1983

Dear Diary

Well Mommy was here over the last weekend and we got to go to Paris. Aunt Nettie was with us at all times. I thought it was strange no one allowed Mommy and I to be alone. Mommy did not seem right she seemed distant. Usually she would give me a big hug and kiss when she saw me however she just touched my shoulder and talked to me like I was one of her adult friends.

Mommy did buy me a new 1/4 caret diamond ring to wear at school with my ear rings we bought when I was home last time. Mommy also taught me how to tell real diamonds from fake. Fake diamonds will keep condensations when you breath on them real ones it evaporates right away. Mommy whispered to me and told me no matter what she loved me and not to forget it. Aunt Nettie later asked me what Mommy had said I told her she told me to becareful with my jewelery it was very expensive. Aunt Nettie watched my eyes, I worked very hard to keep them looking right at her. I am glad that Ari told me when people lie they tend to look down and to the left, and that is why Daddy always kept eye contact with us when he questioned us about anything. I was improving apparently because Aunt Nettie believed me.

Mommy also told me I would be going to America in July to visit with Daddy. I would get to stay two weeks then we would return to have the rest of the Holiday in Haifa. I am excited I have not been to Haifa since I was 6 years old, before I started school in France. Mommy said it would be like old times and Ari would come to visit after his birthday then return to England for school. Tali is going to start school in Tel Aviv where I use to go, then after she turns 7 like me she will go to school in France. Mommy looked sad when she said this.

May 12th 1983

Dear Diary

Wow I have been so busy I had to take my first exams. I have been studying very hard. These are much harder than the tests we usually take. However they said it to help prepare us for going to secondary school. We have another set of big exams at the end of June. Now I understand why Ari was so busy at times. When i wrote Ari a letter about it he said to get ready this was just the start. He also said be glad we both had inherited our Dad's memory and to keep practicing on memorizing things it would help in the long run.

Daddy said the headmistress contacted him about me advancing a grade level. He said that he thought he would let me choose, it would mean I would have to transfer to another school when I was turning 12 years old. However he already found a private girls school willing to take me at that age and I could possibly graduate when I was 16 years old.

I am still thinking about it I have to let them know by the end of the final exams. What is sad is Tali and I would only get one year together at school. However I think Tali would still like it here I did after all.

July 3rd 1983

Dear Diary

Benjamin is my escort for the flight to America this is really a long flight. I have slept for most of it, however now I am wide awake. The stewardess said we would be landing in 1 hour. She said I was lucky to be making it in time for the 4th of July celebrations. I thanked her but i have no clue what is the big deal with the 4th of July it is just another day. These Americans must be strange.

July 6th 1983

Dear Diary

The 4th of July was so much fun. They had rockets that light up the sky and do not hurt anyone. We went to a parade and the police had only small side arms. They did not have any tanks or guns around it is strange. Daddy took me to see the White House and to the Zoo as he promised. I got to see the Pandas they are so cute. Daddy got me a stuffed Panda also. Daddy introduced me to some of the people he was working with. One of the men asked if I was already training for the Mossad. My father laughed and said from the day they are born.

Daddy then later asked me what I thought of evreything I told him I like France better, Paris was more fun and the people talk strange here. He laughed. He made me promise to remember that and never to move this far from him when I was an adult. Daddy is silly if I am in the Mossad he knows I have to go where they tell me.

July 17th 1983

Dear Diary

Well I am now in Haifa with Tali and Mommy. Tali is lots of fun to hang around with now. We have went to the beach and played for hours, she is growing up more and is not such a brat. Mommy got a new camera and is taking millions of pictures of us.

Ari wrote and said he is having a nice visit in Gaza but misses us. If it was ok with Dad he would be coming to stay in Haifa with us by the end of next week. Though when I asked him if I could meet his mother he said she could not goto Haifa because of the rules with Dad. I wonder why Daddy has such specific rules?

August 3rd 1983

Dear Diary

Ari and Tali and I have had so much fun in Haifa. Ari saved my life though the other day. We were playing in the ocean and I got caught in the current and could not get away. I screamed and Ari came and grabbed me and got me into shore after letting the tide carry us down shore for about 5 minutes then he had me swim as hard as I could to help him break out of the current. Mommy was so proud of him. Daddy said he will get him anything he wants also. As always Ari is my hero.

I go back to school August 31st and Ari leaves August 30th. Tali wants to go I told her after she turns 7 she can start in the winter term like I did. She was happy with that. Tali now can speak fluent French, english, Hebrew and Arabic. I told her about all the other languages she can learn at school. She said she does not want to learn other languages. I asked her if she wanted to be like daddy she said no just like Mommy. I laughed because she is so much like Mommy use to be before her and daddy had the fight.

September 5th 1983

I started school with an advancement in the grade. I am taking Algebra I and advanced history and American studies and literacy and writing, and biology. I finally got dad to agree to let me take basic electronics. He teased me and asked what I would use it for, I told him it might come in handy to diffuse the suicide bombs. He laughed and told me I was truly the little officer.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer As stated NCIS is owned by CBS and Bellisario. This is only for fun.

Thanks to all who have reviewed and read the story. Please continue to review and let me know if I get off track from where you think Ziva would be at the various stages of her life. This is a long chapter. I hope to post the next chapter tonight also.

* * *

November 12th 1983

Dear Diary

I am 10 years old today. Aunt Nettie called and told me she is coming to get me for the weekend and take me to Paris. I am so excited. She said the present she got me would have to stay at her house though. I bet it is a knife, after all she said when I turned 10 she would teach me how to throw them with "deadly accuracy" I best not tell mommy she might get upset though.

Mommy and Tali called and wished me Happy Birthday. Tali turns 6 next month and told me next year she would go to school with me she is so excited. I think mommy is gonna miss having a child in the house though. Tali told me that a bomb had hit near the playground of the school and some kids had been hurt bad. I then told Tali that is why it is important to learn everything so we could help Dad prevent things like this by taking our the bad guys before they could hurt us. Tali the peace loving child she is then said we need to both stop trying to hurt the other maybe then there would be no need for bombs or for war. Poor Tali why can she not understand you have to use force to stop force.

Dad just called, I told him I was going to Aunt Nettie's he said he knew and to have fun. I told him about my classes and grades. He said he was very proud of me. I asked him about Ari and he said he was doing well. Dad does not talk about Ari as much as he use to. Dad informed me my present for my birthday would be waiting for me at the house when I came home for holiday. I am very excited to see what it is. I decided not to tell him that Mom and Tali sent me a card and money for my birthday.

Ari also sent me a birthday card. However I noticed on the outside the last name was not David or Haswari it was Weinstein. I would have to ask him about this. Ari is changing I do not know why though. Dad is not letting him visit us as much and he is spending more time in Gaza which is very dangerous. Though I am learning to hide my concerns better I want Dad and Ari to be proud of me and I want to be like them.

* * *

November 25th 1983

The trip to Paris was wonderful. Aunt Nettie got me the most beautiful dagger. The handle is solid mahogany with a solid steal blade. She taught me how to find the center point of the knife so it would throw easy. By the end of the weekend I was hitting my target 8 our of ten times. She said when i come for other visits we would continue to work on my throwing and with other blades. She is keeping the dagger with her since the school would question why I had a weapon. She encouraged me to take archery saying it would help my eye hand coordination. She also taught me how to clean the blade and told me how important it was to keep all weapons clean to keep it in pristeen condition. I bet Aunt Nettie was a great Mossad agent, she knows so much about weapons. Mom would not like it if she knew I was learning about weapons.

Aunt Nettie told me about some of her Mossad adventures they sound like so much fun. She said I can not repeat the stories even to Dad or Ari. However she told me Mossad was a honorable job and a duty to due for Israel. I asked Aunt Nettie why she lives in Paris instead of Israel since she retired from Mossad. She smiled and told me you never retire from Mossad, and Israel is home however Paris was where she was needed. UUggghh I just do not understand that did not answer my question however I could tell I was going to get no other information.

I told Dad about my dagger and most of the trip, he said maybe i could make monthly visits to see Aunt Nettie now that I was 10 and since she could pick me up in Corse. I told him that would be wonderful.

* * *

December 8th 1983

Today was Tali's 6th birthday. She begged Daddy to get her into my school earlier. However he told her that he promised Mom one more year then she could go. I am not sure if Tali will like boarding school though she really is close with Mom. She and Mom have a relationship I never had. Mom has always been more distant with me and Ari. Ari I can understand it is her step son.

When I asked Dad one time about Mom treating Tali and I different he told me I could not let something like this bother me. I needed to put others feelings aside to include my own I was to only worry about myself. After I talked to Ari he told me not to worry he would always be there for me and that he loved me. I love Tali however I wish Mom loved me like she did Tali.

When I talk to my friends I get told many things some say there parents are indifferent and treat them like they are partners in Mossad like my Dad does. Others say there parents give them hugs and kisses and tell them how much they love and miss them. I wonder which is normal and which is not.

Ari would not be here for the Holiday instead he was with his mom in Gaza this was a first for him to miss a visit. Though he never did stay for Chanukah, now that I recall.

* * *

January 1st 1984

I am on the plane with Officer Isaac he is a new Mossad officer that has had me placed in his charge. Father warned me to be on my best behavior no tricking the young man or hurting him. Darn this guy looks like he would be easy to loose. He must have not been raised in a Mossad family he looks to nice and scared. I wonder how he made it through the training?

School begins on the 3rd. Dad got me signed up for Archery, like Ari I will get private lessons two days a week also. Mom wants me to take a sewing class however Dad talked her out of it, thank goodness. I do not think I will ever be someone's wife or mother I just want to be able to be like Aunt Nettie and go on adventures.

* * *

March 25th 1984

Wow, I have not updated my Diary for awhile. I have been so busy. Aunt Nettie comes to pick me up for trips every other weekend now. She is so much fun. She is a 3rd degree blackbelt in Karate and has top levels in several other marital arts as well. She has been helping me learn other forms of martial arts, one called Krav Maga. She is also a marksmen. Though I also overheard her talking about assinations one day also, I think that may be her job in Mossad. Though Aunt Nettie is way to nice to have ever killed anyone. A killer is someone who is heartless and cold, not Aunt Nettie.

Archery is a lot of fun. My arms hurt the first several weeks. Now they feel much better. I still have yet to hit a bulls eye, however my private instructor said it takes a long time to be perfect.

My grades are straight 5's this year. English is getting better however it is different than what I heard when I visited America last year. Then again I have learned to tell when a persons language is taught as a second language versus a primary language. Since I learned Hebrew, French and Arabic all together I wonder which was the primary and the secondary etc...

Ari is down to sending me a letter once a month, he refused to answer my question about his last name. He said it was not to be discussed. Dad also refused to answer when I asked. I have not seen Ari since the summer holiday in Haifa. Mom said we are going to Haifa again this year I am so excited. Ari will join us for part of the Holiday also.

* * *

April 1st 1984

Aunt Nettie is so funny she called me today and told me I would be moving to Paris with her. I was excited then suddenly I recalled it was April Fools day and before she could go on I called her on it. She said i was getting good at catching people even on the phone when it came to tricks. She had been teaching me to notice the way people talked to you you could learn much from there eyes.

* * *

April 12th 1984

Ari called me today. I was so excited, I told him how much I missed him. He said he missed me also. He told me all about his school. I told him about my schooling also. He told me i need to work on my English. Just because he is going to an English speaking school why should I have to also speak English. He actually got mad at me when i said this. He said I needed to learn to be more open. I told him just because he is Daddy's favorite and getting to do whatever he wanted did not mean I had to do the same.

I feel so bad I have not argued with Ari or said a mean word to him ever. However if I back down or apologize it will show that I am weak.

When I see Aunt Nettie I will talk to her and see what she says about this.

* * *

May 1st 1984

Well, Aunt Nettie said I should stand my ground she said if you back down then Men or boys as in case with my brother will then push you around all your life. She said even if I knew I was wrong to hold strong and never apologize, however eventually i could say well maybe it would be best to learn more English and to practice it, however it would not be admiting a wrong. This is confusing, however Aunt Nettie is so smart and has been in Mossad forever like Dad so she must be right.

Well Marsi and I have been working on studying for our exams. Dad said these exams and grades will be presented to schools he is looking at for me to attend for secondary. Marsi said she is thinking about going back to secondary school in Israel. I told her I would rather stay in Europe. I told her dad wants me to attend an all girls school. She said her mother said it was better to attend a mixed school so you can learn to deal with men since Mossad is mostly men.

Marsi and her Mom and I are gonna join Dad to go see a couple schools in England, Switzerland, France and Israel in July after school is out. Then Marsi is joining us in Haifa while our parents go on some secret mission together again. Marsi's mom is also a controller however there are times they have to leave for various reasons. Marsi said it is to set up safe houses for the Mossad. Marsi knows a lot more about Mossad than me, I am glad she is my friend she is teaching more about what Mossad is than anyone.

* * *

July 3rd 1984

Today we went to Marcell, France to visit an all girls boarding school for secondary education. It reminds me of my school in Corse. However Dad and Hanni (Marsi's mom) decided it was unsafe after they were there for just an hour. I have no idea what made it unsafe, however both Marsi and I are trying to figure it out.

Tonight we catch a flight to Switzerland. The school there is co-ed and has a reputation for secrecy according to Dad. Marsi and I both like what we heard about this school. However they only allow you to go home during the summer holiday and for the Christian Holiday of Christmas at the end of December. However they have more language classes and they specialize in sciences. I want to goto college for criminal psychology and electronic engineering. Marsi wants to also study criminal psychology however she hates the electronics part. Dad said I have made an excellent choice of study, I laughed he has been talking about learning about reading people since I can recall the only thing i choose was the electronics.

* * *

July 4th 1984

I loved the school here in Switzerland. Dad and Hanni also seemed to approve. Marsi also liked it, however she was not sure her mother approved of the co-ed. The school also has advanced placement classes and we can take college classes our last year we are there. Every student has a private room and study. We noticed that the school was more secluded, the nearest city was several kilometers away. Daddy pointed out that the school also had a primary school that Tali could attend, he even suggested he could transfer us both here to start in September. Part of me thinks that would be nice, however I really want to finish my school in France.

Tomorrow we goto England to visit a school in Suffolk.

* * *

July 6 1984

We are now on the way to Israel the last few days have been so fast. Going from one school to another. So far the school in Switzerland is the best choice. Dad and Hanni both agreed the school in England was not strict enough for us. Marsi and I both wondered what that meant we both had never caused any problems.

Tomorrow we go see a school in Tulkarm and another in Tel Aviv that is a public secondary school. I have not been in public school since I was 6 years old. I know Mom would like it, however I would rather be in private school. Marsi agrees about public school she also said we could not learn as many languages. Dad says we must at least visit the school.

* * *

July 7th 1984

The school in Tulkarm is nice, however they are Orthodox Judaism. Even at home we do not practice orthodox Judaism. Mom is not super strict on the dietary restrictions though at home we practice the sabbath. I know when I was in America with Dad he differently did not practice dietary restrictions he had a cheeseburger. I laughed thinking how mom would have yelled at him. He said when you are on a mission you must learn there are times you do not want people to know where you are from or that you are Jewish.

Dad thinks this school would be too limiting in my education. I think he is also leaning toward the Switzerland school.

* * *

July 8th 1984

Went to visit with the public school. Mom went with us to this school. Marsi and her Mom are going to visit tomorrow. Mom pointed out how close it was to home. Mom was very happy with the school. However Dad pointed out that I already spoke the languages they offered as introductory for my grade. He said I was also taking there 2 level courses. He told her that I would be very bored here, and that the school in Switzerland sounded best thus far for both Tali and I. Mom looked at me and I said I agreed with Dad the school in Switzerland was more challenging and I might even be able to complete my studies and graduate when I was 16 and 1/2.

* * *

July 15th 1984

We are on holiday in Haifa now, Dad has made the arrangements for Tali and I both to start at the new school in September. Mom has not really said much. Dad said they will take us both to clothes shop and to get skies and other items we will need for Switzerland. Tali is very excited about going with me to school in September. Tali is such a carefree spirit, she and mom are always giving hugs. I wish i could be a little bit like Tali she always sees the best in everyone. Tali never seems to get bothered by the bombings.

* * *

August 1st 1984

Yesterday was Ari's birthday he joined us in the afternoon and we had a nice party he turned 15. I gave Ari a copy of Moby Dick it was our favorite story that Dad would read to us when we were younger. Inside was a book-mark with a picture of Tali and I that we made so he could see us daily. Ari smiled and thanked us for the gifts. However he seems a little distant. Ari and I took a walk on the beach dad did not insist we have anyone go with us so we could talk without worry. Ari told me that Dad wants him to use his influence with his mothers friends to learn things about Hammas. I asked if he was going to do it. He said yes, because he has to. He told me to be careful to watch out for Tali and not to trust anyone. I am not sure why he told me this however I will do as he said.

Marsi is also coming to Switzerland this should be a lot of fun.

* * *

September 8th 1984

Tali and I have been to our new school for 4 days now. Tali's room is next to mine. She is actually a lot of fun to be around. She is always smiling and she is full of questions. Tali is taking French, Spanish, Turkish then math, literacy and writing. We both are going to have private ski lessons on Saturday. We also are taking marital arts together she has a yellow belt already, she said she is going to get her black belt as the youngest age in the family. I laughed when she said this she is very competitive. Maybe she is a little bit like Ari and I after all.

Tali started to cry a little earlier missing Mommy. I told her it was a sign of weakness and that she should never let anyone see her cry especially Dad. She asked me what he would do, I told her he would get very mad and just to not let it happen. I can barely remember being about 4 years old and getting a spanking for crying then being yelled at and told I was weak and that no child of his would be so weak. He said a child who cried so easily would die easily also. After that I never cried where anyone could see it. Apparently dad had never gotten mad at Tali for crying.

I told Tali that I had very hard classes and needed to study however I would see her during lunch and dinner and Martial arts and at skiing. She looked sad, then said at least it was more than she had seen me before.

Tali is so happy I wish I was more like her. Well now to start to study.

* * *

October 3rd 1984

School here is a lot harder. I am working very hard to keep my grades up. Dad and Mom have been calling at least once a week. Before in France I was lucky at times to get a call once a month. Maybe it is because Tali is a younger than when I went to school. I can tell Mom is missing us when she calls.

* * *

November 6th 1984

Dad called he said he will be coming to see us for my birthday. I can tell something is not right it is in his voice.

* * *

November 13th 1984

Dad, Tali and I celebrated my birthday yesterday. I am now 11 years old. Then after we had dinner he told Tali and I that Mom had died in a bombing last week. He said he thought it would be best to tell us in person. He did not want to disturb our studies and did not feel that it would be necessary to remove us for the funeral. He said we would have a memorial service when we were on vacation in December. He then told us he was sorry, and that he would do his best to make sure we had everything we needed. However neither of us cried as Dad told this to us he showed no emotion. He gave us both a pat on the head and then left.

Tali followed me to my room and once I shut the door she grabbed me into the world's tightest hug and we both let the tears flow. Why had Dad not brought us home, my mommy is gone and he said it like it was nothing that happen. Maybe if Tali or I had not left then maybe she would still be alive. Maybe we could have kept her safe. Now it was up to me to take care of Tali and make sure she is safe.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer I do not own NCIS this is just for fun:)

Thanks to all who are reading and those who have reviewed:) Please continue reviewing.

November 14th 1984

Tali is asleep on my bed it is 5am and classes start in only 2 hours. I still can not believe that Mom is gone. Dad said I had to be strong for Tali and to use the anger I feel over Mom's loss to push me forward so I can do the best I can and when I grow up I will be able to join Mossad and stop the bombings.

Dad said he had called and told Ari about Mom and got permission for him to come home for the memorial service. Dad did not seem to be effected by her death at all. Maybe it is because he had time to grieve all ready.

I want to be strong for Tali; I will not cry I will be strong for my little sister. However when I am by myself I can finally cry for her also.

I just pray I never loose Tali and Ari they are my only close family left. I know I have dad however he is not very close to me not like Ari, and Tali is becoming closer now that I see her more.

* * *

November 18th 1984

Ari called and we talked about Mom. He said he was sorry and that he has permission to call me or to receive calls from us as needed for the next few months. Ari told me I needed to be strong we would be together soon. I trust him I know he will help Tali and I when we go home to deal with Mom's loss.

The teachers have all been nice and told me if I needed to talk to let them know. I was given a chance to take a few days off classes if needed however I would fall too far behind so I declined. Tali has been in to talk with the head mistress and missed a day of classes then returned. She has been sleeping with me every night and cries herself to sleep every night.

I told her crying would not bring mommy back; she needed to be strong and continue on so Mom could be proud of us. Tali said she just can not help but feel sad she misses Mom a lot. I was amazed when Tali asked if anyone else had died. I had never thought about it. Tali has such compassion, she worries about others even when they would cause pain to those we love.

* * *

December 27th 1984

Aunt Nettie arrived in Switzerland and accomplied Tali and I back to Tel Aviv. I noticed that Aunt Nettie was armed when we boarded the private plane dad had arranged to bring us to Israel.

Ari was on the plane and the three of us hugged each other when we got on the plane. Ari promised me everything would be okay.

Father had the memorial service at the house. Several of mom's friends stopped by to say how sorry they were. Then later we went to the grave site and said our good byes. Dad stood behind us and after a little while he said it was time to go. I noticed both he and Ari showed very little emotion. I tried hard, however a few tears slipped, Tali had the tears flowing freely.

Later dad told me I needed to put the tears aside it would not bring anyone back I needed to remember the feelings of hurt and anger to make myself stronger. I really do not understand how this can help.

Aunt Nettie took me for a walk and told me that Dad meant well, however I was not one of his agents I was just a little girl. She said it was okay for me to cry that I needed to be a little girl. She told me I needed to be able to love and have empathy, and she did not want my dad to take that from me. It is hard to believe that Aunt Nettie and dad are related at times.

Aunt Nettie told me she would come see me when she could in Switzerland.

* * *

Jan 6th 1985

School is back in session. I am so glad to be back and be busy. Tali is still coming to my room to study in the evening however she now sleeps most nights in her room. She is not crying as much either.

Dad is still a controller at Mossad Ari says he works for a team try's to prevent terrorism. Too bad they did not stop the bombing that killed mom.

I am going to start taking fencing classes this will be a lot of fun.

I am also taking Choir I love to sing, and dance.

* * *

May 10th 1985

I have been very busy and just really had no time to write in my diary; however Aunt Nettie encouraged me to continue to write so I can look back when I am older to remember everything. Aunt Nettie told me she and dad both had Journals or Diaries they recorded various events in.

So here I am. Well, let's see skiing is fantastic I love it. Tali and I both are doing very well according to our instructor. Fencing is very hard the rules and stance is difficult at times however I enjoy it. You have to think about the moves and where to go with the next one and you have milliseconds to do so. I have managed to attain all 5's still in my marks.

Dad calls Tali and I once a week to talk with us about our classes and grades. He tells us how well we are doing and encourages us to try harder. Dad has even started to say I love you. Mom was the one who always said it, I know he does love us it is just strange to here him say it.

Dad is having us and Ari go to Paris for part of the summer. Then we are going to Israel for a week then to Argentina. We have never been there however he must go on a trip there to the Embassy and is taking all three of us with him. Then he said we will go to Cairo to see the Pyramids then all three of us would go back to school.

* * *

June 20th 1985

I have my final exams this week. I think I may have made the highest marks in my class. Tali's class is having a trip to Italy this week the lucky duck.

Aunt Nettie will pick us up at the airport when we arrive in Paris. This is the first time we have been allowed to fly with out an escort. Ari will also be with Aunt Nettie he arrives the day before we do.

* * *

July 3rd 1985

Aunt Nettie has been taking the three of us all over Paris. She makes special points at some places to point out areas to get into the hidden under city to only Ari and I. She said we need to remember these places they may save our lives one day.

Ari whispered to me that when he is in Mossad he wants Paris to be our home base. I agreed with him, and told him we could always have this as our safe place, if we got separated we could met here. We both laughed as we thought it sounded so strange we are both kids who knows if we can even get in Mossad.

* * *

July 21st 1985

We arrived in Israel and Aunt Nettie took us to see dad at Mossad. Tali was left at home though, she is too young to come according to Aunt Nettie. The building is plain and there are lots of offices. Aunt Nettie just walked in like it was her old home. She showed a badge and said we were the David children and the guard with his rifle let us threw.

Dad introduced us to several of his co-workers. We saw Michel he was a controller who worked with Dad, he no longer was an escort. Michel gave me a hug and kiss and told me I had grown up to be a very pretty young lady. Dad told him not to encourage me. Not sure what he meant by that.

Daniel another Mossad Officer asked Ari to go with him and they started to talk. Aunt Nettie then took me down the hall; she asked what I thought about Mossad. I told her this was boring, I thought you got to do some fun things. She then took me into a room where there was a window and inside was a Mossad agent with an Iraqi man. She told me this was an interrogation watch and learn. The Mossad officer asked several times for information in Arabic when the man refused to answer he grabbed the man at the neck and the man went to the ground in pain. This was done several times, then they used other pressure points and then asked how his son would handle this pain. At this point Aunt Nettie pulled me out of the room. I was amazed I started to ask questions about the pressure points and she told me we would discuss this later. I know now more than ever I want to be a Mossad officer.

* * *

July 27th 1985

Aunt Nettie kept Tali in Israel while Dad, Ari and I traveled to Argentina. When we went there we went looking at summer homes, dad told the lady we were looking to come for a visit for December. We looked at several homes and then Dad took Ari and explained the importance of the houses we had been looking at. The one that was finally chosen was a secluded area that had area for a small prop plane to land.

Dad told us that sometimes seclusion was not the best place to be either. Sometimes being in the open and letting yourself being seen was also good.

* * *

July 30th 1985

We are on the plane to Cairo now; this is longer than the flight to America. Dad is having Aunt Nettie and Tali met us there.

So far this summer has been a lot of fun. Aunt Nettie taught me a pressure point on the wrist and thumb and neck. The thumb and wrist brought Ari down to his knees, dad just laughed when he saw me do it. Then he reminded me turn about was fair play just because I was a girl did not mean I could not be hurt.

Tomorrow is Ari's 16th birthday. I got him a new leather jacket, dad helped Tali and I purchase it. It was an Armani jacket, dad said he deserved it. I think the jacket is worth more than all my and Tali's allowance for the year.

* * *

August 12th 1985

Egypt is fantastic. The pyramids are so interesting. I can not believe that people made them thousands of years ago. I know the story of Moses and how helped the Jewish slaves leave Egypt and go to Israel and the promise land. However seeing it makes it so real.

Tali, Ari and I have been having a great time. We are going back with Aunt Nettie to Paris for clothes shopping. Then Aunt Nettie will take us back to school and Ari will fly back to England with dad.

I asked Tali if she had changed her mind about what she wanted to be when she grew up. She just giggled and said she still wanted to be like Mom.

* * *

September 4th 1985

Well I am back in school. I just realized that it has nearly been a year since Mom died. I tried very hard this summer not to think about her. However when Tali said she wanted to be like her, I had to push hard the memories back.

Tali is sleeping in her own room now all the time. I finally let the tears come for mommy. I miss her so much. I swear when I grow up I will find the people responsible for her death and make them pay if Dad has not all ready done so.

* * *

September 23rd 1985

My classes are getting harder, I have European history and I have advanced German, Russian and Turkish. Luckily Marsi and Tali and I speak in Hebrew and Arabic to each other so we can keep the language skills up.

Marsi was so jealous when I told her about our summer trip. Her mom was to busy this summer with Mossad business to go anywhere. I told her about the pressure points and showed her the ones Aunt Nettie told me about.

Marsi knew about my mom but she never brought it up. Just as I never asked about her dad. Marsi told me Sari and Navid were both going to school in Israel again. However it seems that some of the others that were in our club were going to various other private schools in Europe and England.

* * *

October 1st 1985

Next month is my Bat Mitzvah Dad said he will have a celebration when I come home in December. Tali is excited for me, she wants to have a huge party also.

However if I do not keep my grades up Dad may not let me live.

Tali is doing well she is taking just basic classes. She backed down to only two languages. She said she already speaks three why learn more. Dad told her it was ok to go to just two languages. I think Dad favors her the most, just like mom did.

* * *

November 3, 1985

Today is the worst day in my life I got a 3 in advanced German; I am afraid what Dad is going to say. A 3 is still passing however it is no perfect. I have never had anything below a 4 and he told me then I needed to do better.

Well, he is coming to visit for my birthday, guess I will see what happens then.

* * *

November 12, 1985

I am 12 today and I have survived my dad. He got a very stern look on his face then told me that German was difficult for him to learn also. Just try harder; he knows it has been a tough year. He then gave me a hug and kiss and a brand new Louis Vuitton watch. It has a diamond chip for 12, 3, 6 and 9 I love the watch. Dad also got me a copy of leather bound of Moby Dick, Great Expectations and the Wizard of Oz, all written in French, which he said were from Tali and Ari.

I am so happy today this has to be one of the best birthdays I have had, the only way to make it better would have been for Mom to be here.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer

I still do not own NCIS.This is for fun though if TPTB would want they can use any of my story for Ziva's background. Just as long as we get TIVA.

Thanks to all who have reviewed and read my story. I love the reviews please keep them coming. Sorry took awhile to update however I work 12 ½ hour night shifts and worked 5 in a row.

* * *

December 8 1985 

Today was Tali's 8th birthday Daddy made a surprise visit and took us out for a special dinner again. Tali got a set of turquoise earrings from daddy. Ari and I together got her a silver Star of David. She loved them both she made the comment she was happy to have a star like mine but glad we could tell them apart. I was so happy she liked it, she would always play with mine after Ari got it for me for my birthday several years ago.

Tali was so happy unlike last year when Mom died and she cried though her birthday dinner. We are going to spend our holiday this year at school. Dad has to go on a mission with Marsi's mom so she is staying also. They said about 20 children will be here. We get to go skiing in the Alps though so it will not be too bad.

* * *

December 26 1985 

Tali and I went skiing in the Alps on the advanced slopes today. What a blast!!! I had so much fun. Tali loved it also, maybe Ari and I are rubbing off on her she was a little dare devil out there.

At the club house I swear I saw some men following us. I called Aunt Nettie she said she would look into it. I told her what they looked like they were white possibly American. I never let the get close enough to hear there accent.

* * *

January 5 1986 

I saw the men at the school this week. I heard them talking to one of the teachers. They had a accent that sounded like American. I went to the teacher later and asked who they were she said not to worry the school was looking into them. I asked her again what they wanted she tried again to avoid after pushing for information for about 30 minutes she finally gave in and told me they had been asking about placing there child in the school and wanted to know about the security. She said that they had to contact the head master for that information. She said most of the people here knew the security measures taken and did not need to ask. I decided not to tell her they were following Tali and I. I called and updated Aunt Nettie.

* * *

January 10 1986 

Dad arrived today, he and Michel and Benjamin. Michel and Benjamin went and packed up my and Tali's room. Dad informed us that we would be going back to Israel for a few months and told the headmaster and headmistress that if asked the girls had both decided to move back to Israel because they missed home to much.

Gotta go Dad is here.

* * *

January 15 1986 

Dad did not take us to Israel instead we are in the Israeli embassy in France. He said tomorrow we are going to the Netherlands where we will be schooled at home for a while. While we are in the Netherlands we will not be allowed to leave the house. He explained that where we are going is called a Mossad safe house. There we would be staying with to Officers named Jada and Joseph whose jobs were to keep us safe. I tried to ask more questions dad refused to look at me and told me this was not up for discussion. When I asked if Ari was coming. He looked at me and said do not say anything about him, he is safe no one knows he is my son at this time. He then told me he was sorry but promised me Tali and I would be safe.

I was looking at the Tel Aviv paper and was surprised to see that Navid and Sari and his family had been killed in a friendly fire strike that had accidently hit a hotel. Navid and Sari were Muslim however they were my friends. I cried that they both died so young it is not fair.

I was sneaking around the embassy I overheard someone saying that kids were bait, and they could never do that. Then I had to go before I was caught, I need to work on being more quiet. I wonder what they mean by bait?

* * *

February 1 1986 

When we arrived to the Netherlands it was night. Dad did not come with us however Officer Jada met us at a small airport and quickly covered us with a sarape and ushered us into a black BMW. When we got into the BMW she explained to us the rules that Dad told us. No opening windows, no answering the phone, no calling anyone, no talking in any room except the ones we are told we can speak in.

It has been 14 days of torment. Tali is so scared, she clings to me and told me she is scared of Jada and Joseph. I must admit they are not the friendliest officers I have met. Maybe they just hated to have child detail. Though in the past when we had to have escorts it was always in the open. Why are we being hidden this time?

Tali and I have actually kept up on our school work and are almost a month ahead of schedule. However here we can not go skiing or do marital arts or archery or fencing or dance or choir.

Hopefully Dad will call soon. I do not know how much more I can stand being stuck here before I break rule number one and start tortureing our escorts. Hey kids have to have some fun, Tali needs to learn how to have fun anyways. Ari taught me and I will teach Tali.

* * *

February 21 1986 

Ok the torture has started, Tali is rather good at hiding and not being found. Jada spent an hour looking for us then when she went back to the room we were sitting there like we had never left. Ari taught me this one. It drives them nuts they know you did not leave but hiding in plain sight is so fun. You gotta wonder how some of the agents get this far.

We also asked for them to show us some Marital arts then preceeded to show them what we knew. Guess Dad forgot to tell them I have a back belt and Tali almost has a brown belt. Heck that kid will have her black belt by age 9 at this rate.

I also started to question them about what they knew. I know they have more information they tey are saying they have horrible eye contact. They both must be new to Mossad. I think these are the worst escorts I have seen.

I hear the phone ringning gotta run.

* * *

March 2 1986 

We are now in Paris, France at Aunt Netties. What ever was happening has ended and we get to return to school tomorrow.

Well since I last wrote lets see well

Officer Michel called and they told him what we were doing I was ordered to not hurt or scare the officers. I was told to give them a break they were new to Mossad and not from the family. I promised to be good.

Officer Michel arranged for us to go to the embassy in the Netherlands then we went to Austria at the Consulate for a few days. Then Aunt Nettie arrived and took us to Paris.

I am still working on Aunt Nettie however she has been in Mossad to long and I am to young to break her.

Aunt Nettie just laughs at me and says by the time I get in Mossad I will be a trained interrogator. She mentioned to me that if she had her way I would take her place and work in Metsada. I asked her what that was and she said when Tali was asleep she would explain it.

* * *

March 3 1986 

Metsada is a special operations division that involves assassinations, parliamentary operations, sabotage and psychological warfare. I think I have found what I want to do. Aunt Nettie told me you are basically a spy and you must be able to learn fast and be quiet and learn to read people. She said she has always thought both Ari and I would be good Metsada. She said Tali is still young and maybe she to could be in Mossad we just need to help her.

I asked Aunt Nettie why she went in Mossad, she smiled and said it is a duty to Israel. We need to protect Israel and this allows us to keep our country. She said in the 30's and 40's we had Hitler now we have others like Hamas, Hezbollah, Al Qaida who are trying to take Israel away from us. She said we can not allow that.

I hope when I grow up I am just like Aunt Nettie.

Well, the plane is getting ready to land in Switzerland; I am so excited about going back to school. Both Tali and I have our story memorized about staying at home in Israel because our Dad had been ill and he needed us there. Now he is all better and we are returning to school. Personally I still want to the real reasons we were hidden and who the American men were?

* * *

April 4 1986 

Well we were only a week ahead of our classes after we got back. Marsi is the only one who said anything about our story. She came up and whispered liar in my ear. I think she may know something I do not.

However Ari called he said he was glad we were safe. I think he also knows something I do not know. I hate being out of the loop.

Ari is spending half his summer with his Mom in Gaza then coming to join us wherever we will be at. I hoping it is Haifa. Aunt Nettie said she is coming to spend time with us this summer.

Ohh I got asked out on a date this weekend, however Dad said I can not date till I am 16 years old. The school has strict rules also about dating. However I have heard kids talking about going on dates when skiing or skating. I told Andre we could have lunch at the club house after going on the downhill advanced slope.

Ohh Alejandro is 13 and is from Spain. He only speaks Spanish, French and German. His father is a banker and his mother is a designer. He is an only child and you can tell he is spoiled. I guess I can figure I can get a free lunch out of it at least.

* * *

April 20 1986 

Tali told Dad I had lunch with Alejandro and boy I may never get off restriction. I can no longer go skiing on the weekends. I have to stay in my room and call Dad at least once an hour and Tali has to stay with me. This is the first weekend it is in effect. So far I have called Dad 4 times, and the little demon is sitting coloring on my floor as I write in my Diary.

Dad said he will be in Swizterland in the morning to discuss futher punishment for disobeying. Now I am a little worried what will happen when I really do something wrong.

* * *

April 21 1986 

Dad was here this morning as promised. I have to stay at our house in Tel Aviv this summer while Ari and Tali spend 3 weeks in Haifa with Aunt Nettie. He said I will have a list to do everyday and if I do not complete it I will not return to this school in fall.

I am really mad, however he did tell me not to date till I was 16. He did say I could have lunch with friends anytime though as long as Tali or Ari were with me. I asked if Ari was dating. He laughed and reminded me Ari was in an all boys school.

Dad then reminded me rules are there to protect you and learning to obey even then simplest may save my life when in Mossad one day.

Dad is going to be in Switzerland for a week, though I think he is actually here for Mossad not for Tali and I.

* * *

April 30 1986 

Dad was at school daily till yesterday. Tali was begging to return with him back to Tel Aviv. Dad told her he would consider it. Tali is do dependent on others. I think she is just a softie, she cries over the simplest things. We went to see a movie called ET because she heard from her friends it was really sweet. Sweet was an understatement however she cried several times in the movie especially when the alien creature called ET died. Geesh that girl needs some help. At least we agree on Sound of Music, Carousel, and King and I.

Classes are going fine. I only have to call dad when I want to now however skiing is off limits for the rest of the school year.

Dad says if I get all 5's including in English he may have a surprise for me.

* * *

May 15 1986 

Ari called he is doing very well in school he is going to start at the University in England in the fall. He said he was accepted into a pre med program. He will not be returning to Israel though this summer, however he will call and he has asked Dad if Tali and I can come visit him.

Ari asked me if I still was interested in Mossad, I laughed and told him of course. I told him about my classes in psychology and electronics.

Ari also asked how we were doing without Mom finally. I admitted it was getting a little easier for me to admit she was gone, however Tali still occasionally cried for her and missed her a lot. It has been a year and half and it seems like she has not been gone that long. Ari never brought her up before so I do not know why now he asks.

Ari made me promise that I would not forget to call him this summer. Then he reminded me when we were both grown up we could met in Paris and see each other whenever we wanted. Ari is so lucky he is almost old enough not to have to be under Dad's thumb.

* * *

June 29 1986 

We are on a plane to Tel Aviv, I am really excited to get back. I got all 5's in my classes. I wonder if Dad will keep his promise. Tali and I are going to be met at the airport by Michel. Dad is taking care of Mossad business. Aunt Nettie is coming to Israel next week.

Ari is going to be in Gaza the last two weeks of July. I have begged Dad to go see him. I know it is dangerous. Ari's mother has lied about who is his father and why he is gone so much.

Well they announced we are landing.

* * *

July 9 1986 

Dad is taking me to Canada for a week. I am so excited. However I am still not allowed to go to Haifa with Tali and Aunt Nettie. Dad is going to meet with some director of there Intelligence agency. He is then going back to America we are meeting there again with the CIA, NIS, FBI and OSI. He said that we will get a chance to go to the zoo again and go traveling some.

* * *

August 5 1986 

Dad and I had a wonderful time in Canada and America. He introduced me to many people and then reminded me that I needed to remember them and remind them when needed who I was in the future. He said making friends and making sure they "owed" you one was very important. He explained to me that Americans are stupid they think they are totally safe and untouchable. I still think they talk funny. Canada was better at least they speak French.

Tali is so happy being back in Israel she is begging Dad to stay in Tel Aviv with him. He told us that because of his job we must be a school that we can live at so someone can care for us. If all goes well within the next year he would have a job that no longer required him to go in the field.

I have to admit even I am starting to want to be back in Israel more. Dad is getting to be more fun, he is teaching me little things.

Ari got to stop and visit for a couple hours before catching a plane back to England. He made me promise to call. He also told Dad he had obtained the information he wanted however they went into Dad's study before I could hear anymore.

* * *

August 27 1986 

Dad asked me to come into the study today. He asked me if I was still interested in the Mossad? I told him I really was, and more than ever. He said he had changed my school schedule this year and the classes I would be taking would focus on science, language and customs of other countries. He said tomorrow I can attend a interrogation and see how terrorist are delt with in Israel.

We had a long discussion on what a terrorist are and how they can not only destroy a country but the family. He said I needed to learn how people worked so you can take them apart.

He said I was old enough to learn what Mossad is about and what they do to protect Israel.

I am so excited. I get to stay for the entire interrogation. Dad said what I see I can not repeat. We can only discuss it in his study.

* * *

August 29 1986 

I have had a day to process everything. The interrogation was interesting. The man would not talk. The interrogators started with yelling at him then they whispered things to him I could not here. They asked if he would like to receive the same treatment he had given to the Jews in the camps? I knew they were talking about the Nazi interment camps in Germany in WWII.

When I talked to dad later that night in his study, we talked about what I heard seen and learned and if I wanted to do this when I grew up. Dad actually encouraged me to write my feeling in my Diary he said later in life it may be the only thing that keeps my sanity.

He said I needed to write out how I felt and then we would talk more.

How I felt. I felt that the man who was being interrogated should have cooperated and then he would have not had to been hurt. However my feelings, this is hard. I did not feel sad, however I did feel mad, mad that a person would want to hurt someone just because of there religion or skin color. I want to know why violence is needed. Could we not get the same results without hurting someone?

I want to know why the threats?

* * *

August 30 1986 

Dad and I had a nice long talk in the study. I understand more why corrosion must be used when dealing with terrorist. They are willing to die for what they think is right, however the human body can take much pain before it dies. Sometimes it is necessary to get someone to the point of death to have them realize that they do not really want to die.

After our discussion I told Dad more than anything I want to be in Mossad. He said he was going to give me my first assisgment. I am concerned though with this assignment.

I am worried it will ruin our relationship if he ever finds out. Dad says sometimes lieing to those you love is necessary.

* * *

September 10 1986 

We are back in Switzerland again school is getting into full swing. Dad did a great job I love my classes. Tali seems so depressed, she is spending more time with kids her age though this year and not so much time in my room. I am glad she has met some friends that are from Tel Aviv that also go to school here.

I called Ari today he is enjoying University Life and has a girlfriend. He said not to tell Dad though because she was not Jewish and he would be upset. We both laughed. It is hard to believe my big brother is now 17 years old. He said he is coming to visit during his fall break at the end of December. He will only get to stay a few days then is going to visit his mom in Gaza. I asked him more about his girlfriend however he said I needed to be older to talk about that.

* * *

October 9 1986 

Ari called again. He is coming to Switzerland for a skiing trip next week. He invited me and Tali to join him. He asked how dad was doing and if he had asked about him. I told him Dad always ask about him, after all he is his favorite son. He laughed and told me we both knew better the only favorite was Tali.

* * *

October 21 1986 

Ari was here last week for the skiing trip he brought along a few friends. Some were Israeli, some from UK and a couple from Baharain. I am not sure about these friends I got a uneasy feeling. He asked me not to tell Dad about the trip as he wanted to prevent us from seeing each other. I promised him I would keep the secret, but what about Tali he said he would talk to her. Whatever he said has Tali a little on edge she told me she did not want to talk about Ari nor see him again.

The friends of his all talked about various things going on in the middle east with the rise of terrorism and lack of change the Governments are doing. It was like they were seeing what I would say or do. I just did as taught and listened.

Ari called me today and told me I was really growing up and Dad would be so proud that we both would make good Mossad officers. He then promised to call me later, and said he might be able to visit near my birthday since I was going to be a teenager now.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Still do not own NCIS, though I would love to just have the writers ears for a day. This is just for fun, though I try to keep in Cannon of what we know about Ziva from the show up to Season 5 episode 11

Thanks for all the reviews. Please keep them coming. Hope you continue to enjoy the story. 

November 12 1986

I had my 13th birthday today. Ari came as promised; he got me a book on Paris and the underground. I laughed as it just goes to our secret that Paris will be our place to meet when we are in Mossad together. He said he wants me to memorize all I can about Paris and then this summer he and Aunt Nettie and I can go touring the tunnels. 

Dad called he is on a mission and could not come. So much for him being home more, however it is much better to be away from school. However I think he is taking the missions because we are gone. 

Tali was very quiet while Ari was here. I can not get her to tell what happen with her and Ari. Tali got me a walkman she said it is really popular in America according to her friends. She also got me a couple CD's and I am enjoying the music while I study.

Well I need to call Daddy and give a report on my mission. Daddy says I am Ari's personal controller so it is my job to let him know about his friends and what he is doing. Daddy said Ari trust me and will tell me things he will not tell others. I asked Dad who my controller is; he laughed and said I did not need a controller. 

I told Dad about his friends from the UK and Bahrain. I decided not to tell him about all what they were talking about. Some part of me inside said I needed not to give that information yet, well not until I had more information.

Dad also arranged for me to start private piano lessons, I played some when mom was alive. Now I can learn properly I am very excited.

* * *

February 23 1987

Ok, I have really got to find time for me. I am so busy with school I have no time to even write in my Diary. I actually miss writing in here, I wish I could reduce my course load however Dad would be upset with me. 

Ari and I went to Paris for a week during Winter break and saw Aunt Nettie and toured various portions of the underground tunnels. I got to learn how the Allies used the tunnels to help defeat the Nazi's and how the Nazi's also hid in the tunnels. 

I asked Ari more about his friends. He told me they were just friends and no one to be concerned about. He assured me that they were safe. I told him I was worried he seems to have changed a lot. He laughed and told me I was just a young girl, I reminded him I was a woman according to Jewish Law. He said I was still just a young girl and should enjoy life. Aunt Nettie whispered he was just jealous because I was so observant. 

Dad took Tali on a trip to America during the week we were gone. She said it was so cold and she did not like that. She also enjoyed the National Zoo and picked up a various amount of stuffed animals. She is such a baby, it is hard to believe she is now 9, she acts a lot younger. Though Ari says I just act older.

Ari is enjoying medical school. He said when he is finished he wants to go back and work in Gaza with his mother, she is also a Doctor. I am curious how mom felt about Ari? Mom and Dad were married only year when Ari was born. Ari's mom is also Muslim he follows her religion however he is going into Mossad. I would like to ask Dad but I know he will never tell me the truth.

Well, Dad calls me and asks about the conversations I am having with Ari, I give him information I think he needs. I decided not to tell him about the threat he made to Tali especially since she still has not told me what he said.

* * *

June 12 1987

Only two weeks of school left. I have never been so excited for the year to end. I am going met Aunt Nettie and Ari in Paris then we are going to go tour various countries. I am not sure which ones yet. I know we are going to Spain and Portugal then Aunt Nettie said we are just going to drive and see all we can see. We are doing this for three weeks. Then I am heading back to Tel-Aviv and spend rest of the summer with Tali. 

Dad is now the head of some team of special ops. I can not remember what he called them however now he no longer gets to go in the field. He is letting Tali come back to Tel Aviv for school. She is so excited; she keeps begging me to also return. 

Dad told me if I wanted I can also stay with him in Tel Aviv and he would be very happy. He just said we both need to give him a chance to learn how to be a dad again. I am thinking about it. However I do like the challenge I get here at the school. 

The last few months at school have been challenging. I am getting the highest marks possible in all my classes. Ari though has told me I need to work on learning new accents so I can not be located based on my accent. So I am now working hard on using various accents. Ari almost at times sounds American, then he can switch and sound British, his French accent is horrid though. I have a decent French accent however it may help most of my classmates are French.

I am going to take a basic computer class next year. I guess I will be staying here, I feel bad for Tali she will be home with just Dad who is not always the best company. However she was always the favorite, so maybe it will be good for her and him.

* * *

July 19 1987

Have I ever said how much I love Aunt Nettie? Well she is the best Aunt in the world. She is so much for she made Ari puke twice as we drove through the Alps the other day. I love the way she drives fast, the autobahn was so much fun with her. Aunt Nettie teased Ari and asked how he kept from puking when he rides his motorcycle. I did not know he had one, tell she mentioned it. 

Ari promised he would take me on a motorcycle ride before our trip ends we just have to rent one. I am so excited about that. 

Aunt Nettie has been teaching about Nazi Germany and how terrorism has always been around just under a variety of names. She then gave us a lesson on how Mossad has been an important part of finding the Nazi war criminals and brining them to justice. 

Aunt Nettie also told us once you are Mossad you are always Mossad no matter what even after retirement. I asked her if she ever killed anyone. She looked at me and told me I was old enough for the real answer. I looked at her and she explained how she had killed more than she cared to count. She said it was to protect Israel. I asked if she regretted it. She looked me in the eye and said NO. 

I am not sure if I could kill someone. What if it was someone I cared about? Interrogating someone and using force was one thing however I am not sure about murder.

Well August 1st we head back to Israel. Ari, Aunt Nettie and I will celebrate his 18th birthday in Greece. 

Ari and I have talked about various places we visited and places that would be safe or not safe if you were in hiding. Aunt Nettie said she was impressed with our choices and agreed with them. She again said we were going to make fine Mossad officers when we were done with school.

* * *

August 5 1987

I am back in Tel Aviv now, Tali was so excited to see me. She has informed me she is also returning to boarding school because she wants to see me more than just a couple times a year again. I am kinda happy she is returning, she is fun to go shopping with and to just talk with. She does not talk about Mossad or bombings she talks about fashion and fun stuff that makes you think the world is fine.

Dad seems to be happier he is taking us out shopping and to the beach and just all around treating us like children. He has not pushed more for more information regarding Ari. I think he trusts me to tell him what he needs to know.

Dad is gonna take us to England the week before school starts to visit Grandma (mom's mom) we have not see her since Mom died. Though she has called and sent presents and cards. I am excited to see her. 

The rest of the trip in Europe was great. Ari took me on a motorcycle, my new love. Aunt Nettie said we looked like quite the team. She then told us how it was an assassin's choice for get away vehicles. I wonder if she did that when she was an assassin.

* * *

September 3 1987

We are on a flight back to Switzerland. The visit with Grandma was fantastic; she has aged so much since we saw her last. Dad encouraged her to move to Tel Aviv where he could help care for her, and she could see us when we were on school breaks. She finally gave in and agreed to move back to Tel Aviv. Dad is having an apartment built onto the house for her. She is staying in my room until it is done.

Tali is already making arrangements for Winter break to head to Tel Aviv to spend with Grandma. 

Classes start in three days this barely gives us time to unpack and visit with our friends. Marsi is till at school, she is doing well. We are both looking at going to University in Israel however she has told she is not going into Mossad. 

Ari has not contacted me since we separated at the Airport in Tel Aviv. I have a weird feeling something is wrong. I just can not put a hand on it though.

Aunt Nettie is going to come skiing in a few weeks with Tali and I. I can not wait to go skiing with her. 

This year in school I am taking English and French Literature and writing. Dad said I need to focus on just the two languages for now. I am taking algebra 2 I hope it is better than algebra I. Dad signed me up for intro to computers, what does he think I am a geek? That would be Tali spoiled child extraordinaire.

* * *

October 5 1987

Aunt Nettie was so much fun to go skiing with. Tali and I both could hardly keep up with her. She is taking Tali and I to go sailing in a few weeks. I asked where she said it was a surprise. 

Ari called he is coming with his friends again for another ski trip; he invited me to join them if I wanted. He said two of them were all ready in Mossad and it would be a good opportunity to learn what happens and what we need to know from someone on the inside that was new. I am not sure if I want to go, Tali is begging me not to go. I told him it depended what weekend as I was going on a trip with Tali and Aunt Nettie. He said he would call me back and let me know. 

Dad is doing well he is coming this next weekend to visit with Tali and I. Yep, skiing again. He said he has a surprise for us why do I not trust this surprise?

Marsi and I are in Literature together. Marsi has been very quiet though I think something maybe wrong at home. I have tried to get her to talk, however she is not talking about it. I know she is like me and likes to keep personal stuff bottled up, I hope she is also keeping a diary so it does not eat her inside. I must admit being able to write makes things easier at times.

School well, I am doing well, however Tali is not. I am helping her study for her classes and checking her homework for her daily. I think she is just not wanting to try. She says it is because she did not inherit dad's brain like Ari and I did. She is right she has mom's brain a very caring and loving and compassionate brain. Ohh she forgave Ari and life is back to the way it was. I am still Ari's favorite sister though and Tali is my favorite sister.


	8. Chapter 8

November 15 1987

November 15 1987

I am now 14 years old. Tali will be double digits next month when she turns 10. Aunt Nettie got both Tali and I new coats and shoes for our birthdays, when she took us sailing on Lake Maggiore, it was very cold and we had not brought heavy enough coats so she said it would be our early birthday presents.

Dad informed me he is taking me to visit the Israel Consulate General in Hong Kong for my birthday. I am so excited. He said this will give me a chance to learn about the Asian influences in Israel. Dad then whispered that he would be on business for Mossad; however I was old enough to be trusted to be good at the embassy. He also said this would be a good experience to learn more about how the embassy works and how we need to have Mossad everywhere to protect the embassy's and consulates even in a friendly country's.

Tali does not mind she can not go, she is happy to stay with Grandma in Israel.

December 31 1987

We are back in Israel, Hong Kong was fantastic. I got to see Dad apprehend a group of men I learned later were a Hamas cell trying to purchase nuclear weapon pieces. Dad would not allow me to leave the rear of the plane as we flew back to Israel. He said I am so young that they could try to use me to get to him if they were able to contact friends on the outside. I noticed that a couple of the young men were already bruised on the face. When one of them spat out a curse on the family dad struck him hard across the face. I then decided it was best to get back to the back and not peak through the curtain any longer.

Grandma looks great; she and Tali are redoing the living room. She said it needed to be updated. I agree however I will miss the touches mom had done to it.

Dad said I needed to let mom go, and this was a step in that direction. I told him I liked keeping things of hers around. He said I could choose one item to keep and then all my memories. I choose to keep Mom's music box dad gave to her when I was born. The music is Edelweiss from the Sound of Music. She uses to sing it to me when I was having problems falling asleep. Tali choose to keep Mom's picture and the music box dad gave her when she had her. The music in that box is an American lullaby I am not familiar with however mom would sing it to Tali. I do not recall the name though. Dad did not keep anything.

March 17 1988

Ok it has been three months almost since I have updated my Diary. However nothing has been going on school is the norm. Marsi is back to her old self and she and I have been having fun talking about the boys we see when skiing on the weekends. I just make sure Tali is not around to tell Dad that I even look at boys.

Ari is doing well in school; he is going abroad for a semester for the summer. He is going to America. I told him why go there France and Europe is so much better. Ari laughed and told me there was much to learn by going there. He is going to Virginia and will be attending school at the university for the summer there.

Dad is making plans for our summer. I have no idea what we are doing. I think I am ready for just a summer at home in Tel Aviv doing nothing.

Ohh Martial Arts is in 15 minutes if I run I will not be late.

July 3 1988

Well we are home for the summer. Dad is letting Tali and I just be ourselves. We can choose to do whatever we want this summer. Tali and Grandma are shopping for items for the apartment she has connected to our house. I am going to relax and go with Marsi shopping and reading books that are just for fun.

July 21 1988

Marsi and I have been shopping more than I have my entire life. Marsi is trying to convince me I need to have my ears pierced. Dad did say I could do whatever I want. So tomorrow I will get my ears pierced.

July 25 1988

Dad got me a pair of diamond earrings to wear once the studs are out. He said I look lovely with earrings. I thought he would be mad, however he said he did not mind. Then he said if I thought of piercing or marking my body in any other fashion he would like to discuss it first.

Dad is leaving next week for a Mossad trip. I begged to go so I could see Ari also, however he said it was Mossad business and I was not old enough for this just yet. He tried to deny he would see Ari, however I could see he was lying in his eyes. I then reminded him I was Ari's control officer, he laughed and said he was sure Ari would tell me something and I would then let him know. He said that is how it works. I see what Ari is admitting to and what he is not.

I gave Dad my birthday present for Ari. It is a set of miniature golf clubs, Ari should get a good laugh out of it.

September 12 1988

Back in school. Marsi and I are both back, Tali stayed in Tel Aviv and is going to public school. Grandma is very happy to have her stay, she begged me to stay however I am so close to finishing school I am afraid to go to a public school. I love being able to travel and see the world. Tali is such a home body. I think she would never leave Tel Aviv if given the chance. I should graduate in just two more years.

Marsi and I both were talking about the number of friends who lived in Tel Aviv who had died. In just the last 4 years we have lost a total of 20 friends killed by various bombings. Though the saddest was Narem he was our next door neighbor that was killed in a bombing while on vacation. He was only 12 that is way too young to die. I can not believe Grandma wants me to stay in Israel at least here in Switzerland there are no bombings or people being killed in the name of religion.

September 20 1988

Ari just came over to visit for the weekend. We talked about pre-med school which he is enjoying. Then I asked him about Dad's visit. He laughed and after several minutes of us both staring at each other he confided in me that Dad saw him regarding Mossad business. He said he had joined Mossad unofficially and as soon as he graduated with a bachelor's degree he would officially be in Mossad. He then said he was going to be in a covert operation group. He is going to be a spy for Mossad in Hamas and hopefully he would be able to even join Al-Qaeda.

I am worried about Ari trying to do this. Ari is changing I can see it, maybe it is what is needed for him to be in Mossad. I remember Mom and Dad having a fight over him changing so much because of Mossad.

I asked Ari why he was telling me all this, and he said because he trusted me and he expected one day when I joined Mossad that we would work together. If he could not trust me then who could either us trust.

I asked Ari if the friends he brought to go on the skiing trips each year were Hamas? He said somethings are best for me not to know. I assumed they are, however why is he wanting to have them get to know me and Tali?

September 21 1988

I told Dad that I thought Ari was getting to become friends with members of Hamas, I was surprised to hear the approval in his voice.

Dad told me that Tali was doing well in school. He also said for winter break I would get to go to Jordan with him and Marsi's mom, however I would be staying with Marsi in the Embassy. I am excited this trip should be lots of fun with Marsi being there.

Dad said if I keep up with the good work in my studies he would get me a special surpise for my birthday.

October 1 1988

Ari called today, he was telling me about Jordan, he said the worst part will be having to wear a scarf as my Muslim friends wear when being outside of the embassy. I told him I did not mind that. He laughed he said he would see what I thought about it after I returned.

I told Ari about my classes. He said I still need to work on my accent though. I swear he sounds like the American's at times, other times he sounds English then when he is mad the Israeli accent totally shows up.

Ari said he is coming to see me for my birthday. I asked if his friends were coming again. He said no this time it was only for pleasure no business.

I asked Ari if he was going to join the Israeli Army? He said Dad had arranged for him to not have to serve.

I told Ari I wanted to serve, he said I was to young to think about it yet, enjoy life first.

November 12 1988

I am 15 today. Ari had a 15 roses delivered to my class. Ari then arranged to take me out to dinner. We went to a fabulous French restaurant. He bought me a pair of loop earrings that are white gold and a white gold necklace with a heart pendant inside is a picture of him and Tali. I love them both.

Well it is late and I have class in the morning.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks to everyone for the reviews. Please read and review. I have tried to keep things as historically accurate as possible. I am going to start going through several years at a time here to get to Ziva going to NCIS.

Disclaimer: Still do not own NCIS or we would have TIVA on the show.

* * *

December 12 1988

Marsi and I are now in Jordan at the Israeli Embassy. The country is very different than any I have been to. However Dad will not let us leave the embassy. We both get to stay in the guest quarter for the Mossad. However if asked we are here for furthering our education. Dad said I can not wear my Star of David outside because it will target that I am Jewish and here that could be bad.

Marsi's mom has been showing us maps and talking about the Country. She told us about areas that are safe as she put it. We discussed the customs of the country and how to blend in, which is easier for women than men.

Dad has been cranky when we see him, I am not sure why though. He told me not to discuss any of this trip with anyone other than Marsi. He said Tali thinks we are in France with Aunt Nettie on holiday. I told him that Ari knew we were coming; he said to tell Ari I could not discuss it. Then he left the room and would not say anything else.

* * *

December 21 1988

We are back in Israel now. Grandma, Tali and I went shopping today. We had lots of fun. Grandma bought me a new ski jacket and a set of hiking boots. She also insisted on buying me several new pair of pants and skirts and tops. She said a young woman can never have enough clothes. When I saw Tali's closet I decided you can have too many clothes though.

Tali and Grandma asked about France and I told them the trip was fine. Aunt Nettie knew about the bluff so if they talked to her she would keep our cover. Tali is loving being in Tel Aviv with Dad and grandma. Though Tali said Dad has been gone a lot recently.

Tali is now 11 years old, she is looking more and more like Mom and grandma. I wish I was as pretty as she is.

* * *

January 3 1989

Marsi and I are waiting at the airport to catch our flight to Switzerland. This is the first time we are being allowed to fly totally by ourselves. Marsi is also writing in her Journal, we laughed when we found out we both had been writing since we were seven.

Dad had been acting very strange since we left the embassy. He reminded Marsi and I both we were to never admit our parents are Mossad at school or anywhere. I had always told people my father was a government worker and helped with various diplomatic functions at the various embassies. I have never seen Dad so nervous not even when he had to have Tali and I in hiding.

Marsi said her mother is acting the same way. Marsi and I have friends at school however only those whose parents are Mossad know our parents are in Mossad.

They just called boarding for our plane. Bye

* * *

March 21 1989

School is getting even more difficult. I have a course on interpersonal communication. Dad says this will help me learn to run an interrogation when I am in Mossad. I hope so, though from the interrogation I saw there was little communication going on.

Ari called me and asked me a million and one questions without asking specifically about where I was during holiday. I kept with my story of I am not allowed to discuss it. My brother said I was learning fast. Ari showed up a couple weeks ago and tried to interrogate me in person. Again I held my ground and told him nothing. He said he actually believed me, which was good; he was impressed that I no longer bit my lip or looked to the left when I lied. He said Dad would be so proud. I was not sure what to think.

Ari is going to visit us in Haifa for a week this summer. Marsi and I are both going to visit Universities in Tel Aviv and England and France this summer. We graduate June 5th 1990. I really think I want to stay in Tel Aviv though; I want to get to spend sometime with Grandma and Tali and Dad. Ari is encouraging me to look at schools in England.

* * *

May 3 1989

We are getting down to the end of the year finally. We have about 7 weeks left. Marsi is worried about her Advanced French Literature exam, me I am worried about my Advanced English Language exam.

Tali called yesterday and has our summer planned, I think she misses me. Considering how much time she spent in my room I bet she is missing me. She loved to sit in here and study on my bed while I studied at my desk. I must admit I have missed hearing her complain. Though she did help me with my English studies. Tali's English is better than her French which is the opposite for me.

Tali begged to go tour the university with Dad and me. I told her I would like to go once with Dad and I then I would take her and me and we could have a sister's day out. She sounded disappointed but agreed.

* * *

June 23 1989

Exams are over and I am on my way to Tel Aviv. I am flying all by myself. Marsi and her mom went to England to visit the University there and to go on holiday.

The flight so far is uneventful, however tensions are high. I am so glad I am on ELAL they have armed personal on the flight I feel much safer.

Dad sounded worried when I called to confirm my flights when I asked him why he sounded worried he said I was reading into nothing.

I swear I see Michel sitting a few seats ahead of me. Ohh well so much for Dad not being worried.

* * *

June 29 1989

Dad and I went to the university the two days ago. I really like it there. It is co-ed. The men were very handsome. Dad reminded me after that I still had 4 months 15 days before I turned 16 and could date. I told him I would not date till then, however I also asked for him not to scare my dates. Dad is so over protective, however Ari reminded me they would need to met his approval also.

Today I am taking Tali to the university and we are having lunch at the café. Then we are going to go shopping. Then tomorrow we leave for England and Ari is going to met us for a tour of the university. Then three days later we go to France for the tour there.

I have already decided after I graduate from the university I am going to go into the Israeli army for the two years I must serve then I am going Mossad. Dad would laugh seeing that I have mapped out my next 8 years of my life.

* * *

September 12 1989

I am back for my last year of secondary school. I am so excited. I was accepted at the University in Tel Aviv and accepted. This way I can be around Dad and Tali and Grandma. I will be living in our house and commuting to and from school. Dad said he is very happy. Ari said I made the right choice, and told me I will enjoy school in Tel Aviv I will just need to be careful. I know I have lived a very sheltered life, however I have been in Tel Aviv and Haifa when we have had bombing and lost many friends to suicide bombers. I will have to become more observant, however if Tali can adapt and live with the bombings then so can I.

* * *

November 15 1989

I turned 16 three days ago. Dad sent me a bottle of Javier Christian #5 it smells so beautiful. I remember mom wearing it, she called it her special perfume. She would occasionally place a dab on Tali and I for special times when we would be going out as a family.

I have decided to wait for awhile to date. I want to concentrate on my last year of school and get back to Tel Aviv and get started in college. I want to complete my psychology degree and get into Mossad more than anything.

Ari sent me a card with a key; he said it is the car he is going to buy me for college. I told him it was too much he assured me he could afford it and I deserved it. I am so excited to see what kind of car. He sent just a plain generic key. He said he would give it to me at winter holiday when we were home in Tel Aviv.

Tali and Grandma got me a beautiful perfume dispenser. It is light blue with hand painted butterflies, with a gold bulb to spray on the perfume with. It is made from Austrian crystal. They did a great job of picking it out.

* * *

June 20th 1990

Wow I have not written in here forever. I am now a graduate. Three days ago we had our graduation at school. Dad, Tali, Ari, Aunt Nettie, Grandma, and Michel and his wife were there. Also several other relatives are coming to our house tomorrow night for another graduation celebration. August I start the university. Dad is letting me go on vacation to anywhere we want in the world. So I choose to go to New Zealand. I am so excited I am going for the month of July. Ari is going to join me for the last two weeks. Marsi is joining me for the trip her mom is going to be staying at the same hotel; however she is going to let us do our own thing, so she says. I knew Dad was not real when he said I would be on vacation by myself. However it is still a wonderful vacation.

Ohh and my car it was a cooper mini bright red, I love it. It handles very well, and Ari has promised to get me a motorcycle for my next birthday.

* * *

August 3rd 1990

New Zealand was wonderful. I loved the snorkeling and the weather was wonderful. We did everything from snorkeling to skiing. We also went horseback riding. Marsi and I also went rock climbing, it was ok however not my favorite thing to do.

The US declared war on Iraq yesterday and the threatened attacks on Israel have started. We are now staying at Mossad headquarters with other families in the secret bomb shelter for the higher ranking officers in Mossad. Tali is scared and asked me if I would be upset if she went back to school in Switzerland until the war was over and Israel was safer again. I assured her Dad or I or grandma would not mind.

* * *

August 7th 1990

I wish I was old enough to serve Israel in the Army now; however you must be 18 years old. I just hope that the war in Iraq ends soon. However the Americans ideas on war are different than Israel's. However things are now calmer and we no longer have to stay in the bomb shelters. The threats are there however it is just normal for living here in Tel Aviv.

* * *

August 20th 1990

I had my welcome to University for freshman students this week. So far I have met several nice young men, and several girls from school in Corsica and Switzerland are there. We all laughed that we have decided to return to Tel Aviv.

I just wonder how many of us will follow in our parents footsteps and go into Mossad.

* * *

September 9th 1990

Tali went back to Switzerland and called she loves the peace and lack of warnings going off warning us of potential attacks.

I have to admit I am glad she is there at school it is so much safer. She is too young to worry about all this.

Classes are going well I am taking 22 credit hours I must have been crazy. At least I have lots of time to study since I do not have to work. I have found a great place to go running, it goes along the city streets and the beaches it is about 4 miles now, and I plan on increasing to 6 miles a day by the end of the school year.

Dad is still helping me with my decision on classes. Ohh and I met a young man named Eyal Martowitz he is in the Air Force assigned to an Air Craft carrier. We have gone out twice now. I am not sure if Dad approves he is 22 years old, however he flies a fighter jet.

* * *

November 13th 1990

Well I am 17 now and I still feel like a child in so many ways. Dad has warned me he prefers I date someone younger.

At least he has not said we can not date at all. However Eyal is going out to Sea next week for 6 months. Grandma took me last month to the doctor and I started taking birth control. She said it does not give me permission to be wild, however she would rather I not be a Mom at 17. Now I am debating if I should give Eyal a going away present or not.

Ari got me a motorcycle as promised; Dad just shook his head and told me to be safe. Dad got me a helmet and leather jacket and pant legs to wear to protect myself.

* * *

January 21st 1991

I am so glad Tali is in Switzerland. It has been very scary with the scud missile attacks coming from Iraq nightly. Father is away on Mossad business. Grandma is staying in the bomb shelter at Mossad headquarters. It is scary to see the damage caused by the attacks and how people are reacting.

I have decided to stay at home. I have my gas mask and other equipment incase of a biological attack. Father insisted I even take it with me to school.

Father has asked several times if I want to change to an out of Country University. I told him I want to stay in Israel more than ever now. I want to be able to help people through their fears and through the terror.

Classes are still going I am now in my second semester of school. I am enjoying the classes.

* * *

March 30th 1991

Eyal has returned from his mission. There are good points to having a father very high in Mossad. I got to go on ship and welcome him home. He gave me a tour of the ship. We found a nice secluded spot and I gave him his welcome home present. I never imagined it would be so painful or messy. Thank goodness the second time was more pleasant.

* * *

July 5th 1991

Tali has returned from Switzerland. She is so happy to be back, she called many times making sure we all were okay during the missile attacks. I told her she made a wise choice.

Tali and I are going to Italy with Aunt Nettie for a couple weeks.

Tali is returning in the fall to Switzerland.

Eyal is going back out on the ship he will be gone for 6 months again.

* * *

August 9th 1991

School has started again. I am taking microbiology, organic chemistry, literature and abnormal psychology.

Eyal and I have broken up, he wanted to make a commitment and I do not want that at this time. I explained I want to join the Army after I graduate and then go into Mossad. He does not want to have me go into Mossad. I told him I have always wanted to be in Mossad. I really do not even miss him; I guess I am not ready for a real relationship yet.

* * *

November 12th 1991

I am now 18 and an adult, so glad that Dad does not believe in kicking out his kids when we become adults. Tali will be 14 this year she is growing up so fast. She called me up and asked if I thought Dad might give in and let her date after her 14th birthday. I reminded her of my punishment for just having a kind of date with someone. She then begged me not to tell Dad she even was thinking about it. I promised I would not say a thing.

Dad offered me a shopping spree for my birthday or he would give me the money to put in my savings account for when I went to buy my first home or whatever else I may want it for.

Aunt Nettie invited me to Paris for winter break; Tali will also be going us. I have not been to see Aunt Nettie in years I can not wait to see her. I think she is trying to convince Tali to join the family business, I hate to break it to her but Tali will never be Mossad she cares about everyone too much.


	10. Chapter 10

June 1st 1994

So sorry it has taken so long to post again. Here is a quick chapter.

THANKS for all the reviews please keep them coming.

Disclaimer I still do not own NCIS it still belongs to Bellisario though if I did TIVA would be cannon and getting married:)

* * *

June 1st 1994

I found my Diary and was reading it today. I have to laugh thinking about the times I have written about and those I choose not to write about. I am now a college graduate with Bachelors in Criminal Psychology and a minor in chemistry. Tali has grown up so much since I have last written in here. She will be 17 in November; she has one more year left at school in Switzerland and then has chosen to attend the university in France of all places. She wants to major in art history. I leave for basic training with the Israeli army next week I will be gone until August 1st. Dad is trying to convince me to just come straight to Mossad he said he can get me a waiver for the mandatory service commitment in Israel. I told him to save those favors for Tali.

Ari graduated medical school this year; he hardly speaks to Dad anymore. He is coming tomorrow so he and I can go celebrate our graduations. Ari has told me he is in Mossad and has also made friends with Hamas agents so he can turn over information to Mossad. I am worried about him doing this being a double agent can be very dangerous.

Tali is going to met me at our favorite café in Tel Aviv on August 2nd so we can celebrate my finishing basic training and survival school. She has told me to be careful. She is always so worried about everyone else.

Ohh a sad note. Grandma died Jan 3 1993 it was very sudden she had a massive heart attack in her sleep. I regrettably found her in her apartment; however she is with Mom now and will be watching over Tali and I. I am glad I got to know her while I was attending the university. I learned a lot about Mom. I must admit there are days I have trouble remembering her. Tali looks a lot like her and Grandma said she acts just like her. She says I am just like my father, however unlike him she said I have a huge heart and need to remember that.

* * *

June 3rd 1994

I have my first very major hang over. Ari took me out and we had so much fun in the night clubs. Ari introduced me to a bunch of friends. Some were Mossad and told me I was going to love the Army a few others told me I should have went into the Air Force.

Ari leaves the day after I go to basic training. I hope this hang over is over with by tonight as I leave for basic tomorrow morning.

I am not sure why I am starting this Diary again I will not be able to write in it while I am gone. However I must admit the last few days it has been nice to write in here. Not to mention it was fun reading about things that happened when I was younger.

So let's catch up Aunt Nettie is doing wonderful I usually spend at least 2 weeks in France with her sometime during the school breaks. Aunt Nettie gave up on getting Tali into the family business. Tali thinks violence is never an option and she just cares too much. Tali has remained in school at Switzerland (opps I already wrote about that) and comes back to Israel for the summers. She still loves going to Haifa.

Dad is now the assistant to the Deputy Director of Mossad he has his sites set on being the Director and I know one day he will be there.

Eyal got married and has a baby on the way.

Marsi is leaving with me to go to boot camp tomorrow. We are both heading into Intelligence. We are both hoping to go into covert operations.

Well I got to go I will update this after I return from my training.

Please read and review


	11. Chapter 11

Please Read and review. The next serval years will fly by. However she can not give to many details of her assignments in a Diary it could put her at risk.

Dislaimer Still do not own NCIS.

Thanks to all my readers and those who review you brighten my day:)

* * *

August 1 1994

I am on my way home back to Tel Aviv today. The last few months have been great. I really enjoy the Army and survival training was actually fun. I have learned many things about myself. One when in the army you do not live a kosher lifestyle. Two insects do not really taste that bad when you are hungry enough. Three I am very glad for my training in martial arts that dad insisted that we take when we were younger.

Tali has sent me several letters while I was in training. She has so far had three loves of her life this summer. I can not wait to tease her about this. Tomorrow we are meeting at La Masison Café in Tel Aviv. It is my favorite place to eat in Tel Aviv. Tali also loves it there, she is meeting me at noon. Hopefully it will not be to busy. I leave for my first assignment in three days however I can not reveal where that is at.

* * *

August 3 1994

Yesterday at 1219 in the afternoon, my little sister took her last breaths in my arms. I was running late due to talking on the phone to Ari. When I arrived at the La Masison Café the explosion had all ready happen. People were trying to help others and I ran to the area that Tali should have been waiting for me. Tali was lying on the ground, she was bleeding from her head and had bricks lying on her legs. Part of the building had landed on her lower body and she looked so hurt and broken. I saw several Mossad officers all ready looking for information on the bombing. I could tell from the location that the Hamas were to blame. This café was mainly used by the Jewish and they preferred to use suicide bombers as this had been.

When I saw Tali I went to her and grabbed her hand and begged her to talk to me. She was barely able to speak however she told me she loved me and not to forget her and not to get vengeance. Then Tali tried to take a breath and coughed and then started to struggle to breath and I swear this sounds strange she said Mama and smiled and died in my arms. Next thing I knew I was still sitting holding Tali when Officer Michel came up and told me I had to let her go. I did not want to let her go though. My baby sister the most caring non violent person in the world was taken by violence. I know Tali does not want me to get revenge, however I want that revenge. Hamas will pay for this somehow.

Ari arrived this morning for the funeral. He has tried to talk to me; however I am not able to speak back. I feel as though a piece of me is gone. I never imagined I could feel this way. Tali and I were not super close however she is gone and I will never be able to just call her or to tease her about her many boyfriends. Ari whispered to me that Tali's death would be revenged the person responsible for ordering the suicide bomber to the Café would be taken care of it. He then reminded me I needed to pull myself together and use the anger and hurt and vengeance I felt to protect others from this fate.

Father is sitting Shivah for Tali. I can barely look at him, however he is the one who is to offer comfort to those of us there to morn Tali.

* * *

August 5th 1994

Tali funeral was very large, I would guess over 500 people attended between friends and Mossad families. Tali was buried beside Mom and Grandma. I am so grateful that Ari was there he has been my strength. He has been very patient as I cried and has not said once crying is for the weak.

My leave was extended because of what happen to Tali. Marsi has to leave though and she left me a beautiful card and note to remind me to remain strong.

Ari confided he is worried about me being in the Army he reminded me to be careful. I promised him I will. Ari left this morning to go back to his internship in England in infectious disease. Too bad he can not find a cure for hatred.

Dad has barely spoken to me since Tali died. He did tell me he loved me though. I can not recall the last time that Dad said he loved me without me saying it first.

* * *

November 12th 1994

I am 21 today. Dad sent me a funny birthday card and sweater. His taste in clothing is not the best. Dad reminded me that I would have a job in Mossad as soon as I wanted. Next month Tali would have been 17. I still miss her. I have been training with the demolitions team. I have learned a lot about various destructive bombs. I have managed to keep it unknown that my sister had recently been killed by a suicide bomber. Though in Israel it seems everyone has lost someone to a bombing at one time or another.

Marsi reminds me to not hold in my anger about Tali, she said I need to find a way to release it that is not self destructive. Well, I started to go running in the morning I run to the east the same way that Tali is facing in her grave. I watch the sunset and remember how she loved to see the sunrise every morning. Tali had several painting she had done of various sunsets. My favorite was the sun setting in Paris on the River. She captured the sun but took artistic talent with where things were actually at.

* * *

January 3rd 1995

Ohhh boy, I thought the hang over with Ari was bad. This one was worse. We went out with a bunch of friends from the barracks to celebrate New Years. I must admit I was drinking more than usual because I did not want to think about Tali and her missing New Years. She always loved New Years and Chanukah.

I am still in Israel and we are going to deploy soon for our first mission. My team is made up of Marsi and I and 10 men and 2 other female soldiers.

* * *

March 23rd 1995

Our first mission was a success. I was able to disarm an explosive with no assistance and manage to save 10 civilian lives at least. Then we armed the bomb and gave it back to the Hamas coward who had planted it on the bus.

I actually feel good the first time in months since Tali had died. I feel I have done something to save others, Tali would have been proud of that, however she would have not been proud that we killed a man in turn for punishment.

* * *

June 20th 1995

I have just a year left to my commitment and dad is all ready wanting me to leave and join Mossad. I told him I want to finish this commitment; he is the one who taught me to always finish what you start.

Aunt Nettie has sent me several letters and reminds me how proud she is. She wants me to come to Paris for at least a month when I finish my commitment. I told her I will begin my terminal leave in May 1996 and will come see her then.

I am now stationed not far from Haifa one of the favorite places for people to be stationed. My team though is going to Gaza for the next 6 months. This will be the first time I have seen where Ari has grown up for part of his life. Ari said to not ask for or about him, because no one knows he is actually a David. I knew he went by his mother's last name, however I did not know he kept who his father was a secret. I am curious how he explained his trips to Tel Aviv and to France and boarding school.

I told Ari when I see him again next May he has lots of explaining to do.

* * *

Feb 1st 1996

Gaza was interesting. I can not understand why Dad would ever allow Ari to live there. It is violent and the poverty is horrible. The Muslims hate the Israeli army and the retaliation for anything was great. It is hard to believe that this area is so important that people will die for it.

I thought I saw Ari when I was there. However I could not be sure. However he was with an older woman at one of the hospital camps. The hospitals are under tents and set up for just the most immediate care. You see people of all ages there. It breask my heart to see young children there that have been hurt by various explosive devices laid by Hamas and Israel.

I must admit I am looking forward to the end of my commitment and joining Mosssad. I was informed that I have been accepted into Mossad and can start when my Duty end in June this year.

* * *

May 14th 1996

I am now on terminal leave and on my way to France to see Aunt Nettie. I am staying the next two weeks with her. She is so excited. She says she has some special things to share with me.

Aunt Nettie still has her ties with Mossad no matter what she says. I just hope my service in Mossad goes as well as her's. In Mossad most are dead by the age of 35 to 40. Those that make it beyond that become the Director and the other various high offices. I am curious why Aunt Nettie left Mossad maybe she will tell me now that I am about to enter Mossad.

* * *

May 29th 1996

Aunt Nettie and I had a wonderful visit. She laughed when I asked her why she left and wanted to know if I really thought she had left? I guess that was my answer. No one leaves Mossad you are always connected somehow.

Ari came and spent a few days with us in Paris. Together we went and purchased a flat in the 2nd district. He said this would be our own personal safe house. No one not even Mossad is to know about it. He put it in my name with him as second on the deed.

Ari told me to be careful and to remember he was also Mossad and if I ever needed anything to call him. Then he told me after I joined Metsada maybe we would work together one day. I asked him if he was in Metsada he just smiled and said one day I will know what he does.

I hated to leave Aunt Nettie however I start my training next week in Tel Aviv with Mossad. I know several other people who are joining at the same time. Marsi has decided to stay in the Army for one more year. I think she is going then get out and get married. She told me to be careful Mossad does not have a long life span.

* * *

November 12th 1996

My initial training for Mossad is in full swing. I was accepted into Metsada. I am very excited. I will be going deep under cover for the next year. My target will take sometime to get to however I will be able to accomplish my task. I am one of the younger Mossad officers at just 23 years old today. However that is what makes me the best candidate for this job.

This will be my first time to terminate a person. While I was in the Army my job was to prevent people from being hurt now my job is to prevent someone from hurting others by taking them out first.

I am leaving all my belongings here at home with Dad. My Star of David necklace is in my case that had been moms. When I return from this assignment then I can place it back on.

When I get back I will then explain everything. I just hope my Arabic is strong enough to pass. I met my team tomorrow and we leave immediately. Our control officer is Ben Silsterin.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Still do not own NCIS or we would have TIVA:) This is just my verision of Ziva's past however I have put in as much Cannon as I can from the show as we learn more about Ziva I will add it.

Please read and review. Special Thanks to Alexandra-Casey-Olivia who reminded me to get this story going again:) I know there are incomplete sentences etc in the story however these are Ziva's thoughts and in a diary many times you do not keep things perfect with grammer. I write as it comes to me with this story. Though if interested I have made a Ziva's backgroud bible of sorts with info on specifics from the show. Email me if you want a copy.

* * *

January 25, 1998

I have completed my first assignment. I am back home now visiting with my father and Ari. Ari tells me I have changed he is not happy with it. He said I need to get away from Mossad find a husband and get married and have children. I laughed at him I asked him then why is he working for Mossad why does he not get married and have children.

Ari and I both have been informed we will be going on assignment together to France. However we will split up and have two separate teams. I am to oversee that an American team from NCIS stay out of our business. I have already been in contact with the American women, her name is Jenny Shepard. However our assignment is to infiltrate a known terrorist cell in Paris and to gather all the information we can about there plans. We believe this group is linked to Hamas and Al-Qaida.

I have been assigned to a new team. It will be 2 men and another woman. I will meet them when I arrive in Paris. We have been told it will be a long term operation and we can have little to no contact with Mossad or our families in Israel. Once again we can not take anything from home with us and must blend in with the area. Thank goodness that Paris is an easy city to blend in and both Ari and I know the area enough that we need not to study. My only regret is we can not see Aunt Nettie. My alias I will be using in Paris is a favorite of mine though. I just wish they would allow us to choose the alias at times.

Dad has informed me that he would like for him and I to go to Haifa for a weekend before I leave. I think this will be nice. Regrettably Ari will not be able to attend since he will be visiting his mother in Gaza at the time.

* * *

February 10, 1998

The last few weeks home have been fantastic. I have got to know Dad again; I realize how much I have missed being around him the last few years. I also realized I was holding blame against him for Tali's death. We had a wonderful weekend in Haifa and talked about Mom and Tali and how we both missed them.

I was surprised when Dad asked if I really was enjoying Mossad. I love my job I am surprised he asked that. I am glad this next assignment though I will be at least near my brother. However I will not be able to let anyone know we are related. No one at Mossad knows we are brother and sister.

* * *

November 12, 1998

I am celebrating my 25th birthday today. I must say I have had the time of my life. Simon my partner and I went to the Eifel Tower and then went on a tour of the underground. My alter ego is 23 years old and a university student. I have not been able to celebrate my birthday for the last few years due to various assignments we have been on. Rebecca Dubois is my alter ego and she is making progress, however she has to deal with the Americans and the operation. Rebecca has not met Jenny yet however she has set her up to meet the Russian informant she needs to get n touch with. Jenny in turned gave her information on the terrorist group she needed.

I will meet Jenny in the next few weeks to give her some other information. I will decide then if I can trust her to given her the information she desires. I have been given permission to give the American the information.

* * *

February 19, 1999

I met Jenny Shepard she is someone who I believe I can trust. So far my instincts have not been wrong. I gave her the information she wanted about the former Russian KGB agent. I saw her backup a man at the corner, he has slight grey hair and from their behavior I think they are more than just partners.

Jenny gave me the rest of the information I needed on the cell we have infiltrated. I realize now that this is much larger than we originally thought. I advised Jenny to be careful as we have heard rumors of a terrorist plot on America. She just smiled and said that it would be almost impossible for anyone to attack America.

* * *

August 1, 1999

Ari and I have both arrived back in Tel Aviv our cover was almost blown. Simon and Celeste are missing we are not sure where they are at. Ari and I only got away due to the safe house we had set up in Paris. I regret we could not let the team know about our safehouse. The members of Ari's team all got away safely. Jean Micheal the other member on my team also escaped and has been reassigned.

Dad had a surprise for us he was promoted to Deputy Director at Mossad. He assured Ari and I that our assignment was a success. We have gathered a lot of information concerning what the cell is up to. I feel like it failed as we all did not return home.

Ari assured me we did not fail.

Ari has been informed he will be going to work with his mother in Gaza. He will remain attached with Mossad however for awhile his only assignment will be to work in the camps in Gaza with his mother. I just hope he is ok while he is there. It is a dangerous area.

My next assignment will be in my own back yard. However it will be very dangerous as I will need to infiltrate the Palaces in Iraq.

* * *

August 5, 2001

I have finally got to return to Tel Aviv after a long assignment. I have given my information which also is the same information many other Officers working on covert operations have received. They have informed the Americans that 200 terrorist are in America and are planning a large scale operation of terrorism. American is an easy target with there lack of security and their beliefs they can not be touched. I have the next three months off to re cooperate from my assignment.

I just learned that Ari's mother was killed a year ago in Israeli retaliatory strike. I am so grateful that Ari is safe. When I asked Dad about him, he told me he was fine and on a mission. However not to worry Ari was fine. He said he would contact me when he could. However Dad says it may be a long time before I could talk or see him do to his mission.

* * *

September 12, 2001

Yesterday America was attacked, as we had warned them it was coming. However this was even more horrible than expected. They attacked two public buildings in New York called the Twin Towers, then attacked the Pentagon and a forth plane was brought down by brave people on the plane before it could be flown into it's target.

I have been told I will again be working with Jenny Shepard from NCIS on anti terrorism. I am not sure if she will agree on how we do anti terrorism, however I will teach her what I know.

* * *

October 15, 2001

I have met Jenny she has changed a lot in the past three years. She was surmised that I was Ziva David, I had forgotten she knew my alias Rebecca in France. I can tell Jenny has grown as an agent she is not as trusting and questioned me in regards to where my alignment was.

Jenny seems very interested in our anti terrorism tactics. She will be here in Tel Aviv for the next 6 months to learn about various techniques we use and how to apply them in America.

Jenny has much to learn hopefully she is willing to learn. So much for my three months off. I have been told I might be able to go on holiday when I am done working with Jenny.

* * *

November 12, 2001

I am 28 years old now and what do I have to speak for it not much. I have been responsible for several men and women's demise and I have gathered information that has stopped many others from dying. I have lost several friends and lovers. By my age my mother had two children and a step child. Some day I hope to find someone who I can have a family with however I do not believe that will even happen.

Jenny is a fast learner. I am impressed that she is open to the techniques we use. She is becoming a good friend also.

I have been informed of an assignment in Cairo that will be coming up in the next year. I have started to do the research and to look for safe houses and to learn about the area. The assignment will be to infiltrate a Hezbollah cell and to get several Mossad and American operatives out. So far the operatives have not been discovered. However they will need to be recovered in the next year. So my job will be to rescue or recover them if needed.

* * *

December 29, 2001

I have invited Jenny to join me in Paris for a New Year's celebration. She has taken me up on my offer. We are going to be staying at Ari and mine's loft. Little does she now this is also my safe house. I just hope Ari does not show up while we are there. I do not want to explain to this American about my half brother.

* * *

January 5, 2002

Well all was well Paris is a great place to bring in the New Year. Jenny and I had a wonderful time. She is quit the dancer, she and I shared stories about some of our adventures. I also tried to get information on her partner I saw her with in Paris however I could not get much information about him. I will get this information some day though. I introduced her to Philipe and my date was Charles. Philipe was smitten by Jenny and asked when we would be back. However I do not think Jenny had the same feelings.

We are now returning back to Tel Aviv and Jenny informed me she will be done with her assignment in May. In August I will be heading to Cairo to set up the rest of my mission and wait for the signal that they need to be recovered.

Dad has been impressed with all my work and said I may become a controller in no time. I hope after this assignment I get that opportunity. I have pretty well taken control of the assignment as it is anyway.

* * *

March 9, 2002

I have made arrangements for the safe houses in Cairo and in several other eastern European countries. I have arranged several cars if needed and have money hid in a variety of areas as maybe needed.

Jenny is joining me in our interrogation room today as I interrogate a known Al-Qaida terrorist. She has heard about our techniques however this will be the first time she has seen our interrogation.

* * *

March 10, 2002

I can not believe that Jenny thought our interrogation technique was brutal. She informed me in the US this would never be allowed. I informed her they would never get information from terrorist unless they used more forceful interrogation techniques. I informed her that my techniques were still considered to be mild in that interrogation. I said usually I get somewhat of a work out and build up a sweet yesterday I did not even break a sweat. She asked me if I enjoyed interrogation. I was shocked by the question. However I informed her it was a great way to get your anger out that builds up when you are in search of these people. I told her that interrogating them made it to where I could get revenge for my family who have died due to there vengeance.

* * *

May 2, 2002

Jenny left today to return to the United States to incorporate the information I have given her over the past six months. I just hope she can convince them that our anti terrorism tactics are necessary to protect the country. American's may love there freedom however in today's world to protect yourself some of those freedom's have to be given up.

* * *

August 5, 2002

I have been in Cairo for the past few weeks, I have finished getting my safe houses secured and have arranged for my contacts to keep in touch through various techniques. No one knows I am in Cairo most think I am still in Tel Aviv or in Spain on Vacation.

I have heard there is an American group that is also here trying to provide back up to the American's that has infiltrated the Hezbollah group. I have not found our where they are or what they are doing yet. However I have a bad feeling concerning this. Hopefully the American's stay back and let the Mossad handle this problem. So far things are going as planned, in the next three months the operatives should start to pull out and hand over the information they have received. I know from my own experience it is best if you can get out on your own if you need to be recovered it takes your chances of being able to infiltrate a cell again down to zero and ends yor career.

Thanks for reading more to come I am working on several chapters tonight. I will post them as I can. Next chapter will deal with Ziva and Jenny in Cairo and Eastern Europe.


	13. Chapter 13

Please read and review. As I write about the episodes then you will learn more about Jenny and Ziva's friendship.

* * *

October 29, 2002

I have received word today that the American is Jenny and a man by the name of William. My informant inside has told me they are going to capture them to get information. They know Jenny just got done with training at Mossad on anti terrorism techniques and they want the newest information to use against Israel and the United States.

I have made several contacts in the community to locate Jenny and William. According to my contact they are not using any alias's and are just pretending to be here on a holiday. How stupid I thought she knew better I have greatly underestimated her.

Lucky for me I have a well established Muslim alias Alisha Hadi she is not questioned and is well known for passing information as needed. I hate having to sometimes give information to get it however it is necessary at times.

* * *

December 1, 2002

I have learned that Jenny and William are still in Cairo and have not been caught yet, however they are getting close to kidnapping them. They think they can get information and ransom for them. Several Mossad members are having to remain in the cell in order to try to protect Jenny and William.

Alisha has started to get involved in the cell in order to gather information. The cell is related to some of the men involved with the bombing in the US or at least they claim to be. They also claim to have doen several suicide bombings in Israel.

* * *

January 1, 2003

Jenny and William were kidnapped from their hotel last night. I was unable to get to them before the team. I know two on the kidnappers are Mossad agents. They are so deep in cover they can not risk being found out so they will not be able to help them.

Tomorrow Alisha will offer to help care for the captive female. Hopefully they will allow it and no harm has come to Jenny yet.

* * *

January 5, 2003

Alisha Hadi is now a fugitive on the run with Jenny. I was able to escape with her last night. I have now changed my alias to Louisa Bauer a strong eastern European name. Jenny was beaten pretty bad however I was impressed with the information she gave was information that we had told her was known information. I truly did underestimate her.

I have also obtained an alias for Jenny she is now Gretel Brunner I wonder if she will realize the names are from the Sound of Music? We should be in my old home on Corsica soon the private plane I have chartered was a friend who lived there. He does not know anything about my job just knows I have a friend who needs medical care. He is very good at keeping things quiet.

* * *

January 12, 2003

We arrived in Turin, Italy today. Jenny is still very weak. I have a place we can stay for a few weeks. I have not been able to contact Mossad nor the Americans.

Jenny has several broken ribs and a concussion and multiple contusions. I will not be able to write much more as it could give someone to much information if we would get captured.

* * *

June 6 2003

Today I have returned to work in Tel Aviv. Dad and I have been re united. He informed me this was the first time he actually feared for my life. Before he could at least hear from other contacts and know what was happening. This was the first time for three months he had no clue if I was alive or dead.

Jenny and I have become best of friends, I never thought I would see myself writing that. However after her putting up with my driving all over eastern Europe for the past six months I would say she has gained this. Jenny is a great operative and we both have learned a lot from each other. One day I hope to meet this man named Gibbs she has talked so much about. I can tell she really cares for him.

Tomorrow I learn what my next assignment will be. Dad has informed me that Ari is deep undercover in a covert operation where he has infiltrated a Hamas cell. I am very worried for Ari. However Dad said he is fine and not to worry Ari can take care of himself.

* * *

June 10, 2003

I have my new assignment I am now a controller and my primary assignment is Ari Haswari my big brother. I have to arrange a recovery team that will be ready to help him out if needed. I will finally be able to get in touch with Ari.

I have been informed that I have a new Muslim alias since Alisha has died. Ari has arranged this alias himself. Kathira Haswari, Ari said he has told the others he has a younger sister Kathira that can help some. He said the alias will hold up to any one who wants to check. I just hope he is right. I go to see Ari in England next week. He is back to working with infectious disease again in England.

* * *

July 5, 2003

I just arrived back from seeing Ari. I think he is hiding something. However when I tried to tell Dad this he assured me that Ari is working for Mossad and I am just over reacting.

I have started to arrange the team Ari has requested certain people to be on the team. I agree with the choices as they are experienced at recoveries.

I have set up several safe houses in Paris and England incase Ari needs to go into hiding.

I have decided to move into Paris to oversee this operation better. I have a chance to also oversee another operation we have going on in Paris. I will be working with Namir and few other Mossad operatives I know from when I was in Iraq.

Hopefully our assignment will go without any problems. Ari will be out of contact for the next eight months.

* * *

March 15, 2004

Ari has made contact he is in need of dossiers for a group of people at NCIS. He has sent several names of those he is sure to come into contact. He is also in need of a recovery team and safe house. He will be in Washington DC in May when both our Governments will be meeting. I have arranged for the recovery team and they will be in Virginia at the safe house in a few weeks. I was surprised how easy it was to rent the house and get pictures, these Americans have learned nothing. I have also set up the place for Ari and his Hamas team to stay at.

I contacted Jenny asking her a big favor. She finally agreed to give me the information I requested. However she limited what I asked for. I will have some research to complete for the dossiers Ari requires.

* * *

April 11, 2004

I have completed the dossiers. I do not think Jenny knows Gibbs as well as she thought. To loose your wife and child while away in Kuwait and to not have a chance to say goodbye. He must be a strong man in order to survive such a loss, however the more I have researched the more I question if he has ever overcome the loss.

The one person I find most interesting is Tony (Anthony) DiNozzo. He has had a very interesting life. I believe there is more to him he is just hiding behind the jokes and the so called multiple women he dates. I would like to meet this man one day. Ari and I discussed the dossier's and he accused me of having a special interest in this DiNozzo. I swear my brother will never change he still loves to give me a hard time.

Ari leaves in a few days I have briefed him on the locations for the safe houses, where the cars are stashed and various places I have arranged for money drops. However I am still worried.

* * *

May 30, 2004

Ari is back from his mission. It was a success, however he lost several members of the Hamas cell he was in, he also was shot in the shoulder, however he has not told me how it really happened. He has informed me that he maybe getting into the Al-Qaida cell he has been trying to infiltrate. I think there is more and he is not telling me. I can remember when we were kids and he would try to hide things from Dad and I would watch to catch the truth.

However until I have proof I will not say anything. I do not think Dad would believe me unless I had irrefutable truth.

I am returning to Tel Aviv for six months then to the United Kingdom for a six month assignment. I will be arranging for safe houses and set up for other operations going on in the UK.

* * *

June 7, 2004

I am on vacation in Haifa today I am thinking about Tali and how she enjoyed the beach here so much when she was a child. I also remember the time Ari saved my life when I got caught in an undertow when swimming in the ocean.

I regret not having anyone to share my life with, I want a real relationship not the temporary relationships I have had in the past.

* * *

August 2, 2004

I have made it through another year of the anniversary of Tali's death. It is hard to believe it has been ten years now. I finally feel as though I can put the anger and hurt I have had about her death in the past. I realize there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. I will not forget her however I feel as though I can let go the need for revenge now. I need to go on with my life now. I swear when I told Tali this at her grave I felt her there telling me she was proud of me and to go on.

* * *

December 3, 2004

I am back in England, it has been a long time since I have been here. Ari is deep into his mission he has left messages letting me know how deep his cover is getting. He is making another trip to the United States in a few months. I still have the safe houses however a couple I will have to renew the leases. I am worried however I know Ari knows what he is doing.

* * *

May 25, 2005

I have been informed by Jenny of the allegations against Ari. I have arranged to get on the next flight to the United States. When I contacted Ari he informed me of everything that had happen in the last few days. He also informed me that Gibbs wants him dead because he blames him for the death of one of his Agents. I know Ari is capable of murder then again so am I, however like me he will not do it unless he has a good reason.

I should be at NCIS headquarters in about 5 hours, this will give me enough time to review the dossiers I had developed last year, I had been able to update a few of them that was on Gibbs team.

* * *

Next chapter starts with an entry per episode. Must admit they will be TIVA based since they are from my POV of Ziva's POV LOL.


	14. Chapter 14 Kill Ari P1 and 2

Disclaimer Sorry still do not own NCIS I am just borrowing the characters and elborating on the stories.

This is the start of Ziva's Diary with the Show this is for Kill Ari Part 1 and 2. Dates are based on airdates and how much time they say have passed.

Please read and review.

* * *

June 1st 2005

This is my unofficial entry of everything that has happen. I need to get it all out on paper just so I can see how it all happened.

I arrived in Washington, DC on May 25th it was noon and I had been awake for fifteen hours already. The first person I met was Tony DiNozzo he was much of what I had expected. However when I tried to flirt and tease him he did not jump at it, he is all bark little bite. Though he had just lost his partner so I am sure this was not the same man he normally is. I could see he had a loyalty to Gibbs immediately, however he did not realize I would know what they all look like and that Mossad intelligence is far superior to that of NCIS.

Jenn and Gibbs arrived I could see that Gibbs was much like she had told me he had a firm exterior. However this was not a time I would get to see the soft interior. He looked like a man who was going to kill I had seen it many times. Personally I wanted to kill someone after Tali's death, however I am sure with his past this was hitting him harder than ever. I knew my attack on the terrorist vehicle had already happen however I choose to ask just so I could make the point that I was responsible for that happening.

I received a call from Ari while I was at NCIS, I informed him I was worried about him, he assured me he was fine and as usual we would met in Paris when it was over. This time I am going to Paris however he will not be going with me.

I left the NCIS agency after Jenn tried to assure me that Gibbs would not kill Ari. However I could see this was just the typical agency talk it meant nothing. Though she could say it was not an approved assassination if anything would happen.

After I left NCIS I went back to the Embessera Hotel I saw that Tony was following me, so I actually drove like an American and made sure he could get to the hotel. Ari wanted to make sure that NCIS could see he was not the killer how else to do it but to make sure they knew where he was and who he was with. Little did they know that passport was not the one Ari was going to use. Ari always did hate the name of Rene for his French passport he much preferred Pierre a strong affluent French name.

I swam for awhile and noticed that Tony was watching I wonder if he was enjoying himself? I had now been up for over twenty four hours the swim was refreshing and help wake me up. However my cousin Kermitz was late getting to the pool. We did our exchange though she placed the robe further away than I liked from the original and I left. I saw that Tony tried to hide in the stairwell; however I decided to just let him be. Poor Mitzi she took an immediate dislike to Tony. Then again we have always had opposite taste in men.

After my swim I went back to my room dried my hair and then go espresso for Tony and myself and met him outside the hotel when he was watching for me. I still am not sure why I choose to share about Tali, however now I wish I would have not given such a valuable piece of information to him. I tried to get information on Gibbs however I really do not think Tony knows the man that well. Tony on the other hand is very charming and I can see he does have another side to him that he does not let people see. I think the dating and multiple women are stories. Tony also called me on my own game of try to change the subject. However as his dossier said he is a little homophobic, I could only imagine him kissing that transvestite.

The next morning I received a call from Jenn they had killed the man with the riffle they thought had killed Kate and shot at Abby. I sat in NCIS and listened as all the evidence was listed. However when I saw the picture I had a feeling Ari was behind this I had seen this man before one of Ari's operatives in the US in the Hamas cell. However I quickly convinced myself I was wrong. Ari just could have not done this and I wanted to believe it more than anything.

Later that afternoon I was called back into NCIS. I sat and listened to Tony go on about a stupid movie. That man must love movies, he knew everything about it. However in the last few years I have been to busy to sit and enjoy a movie. However Gibbs and Jenn called and told me Deputy Director David wanted to speak to me. Dam why did they have to use his last name Tony is intelligent enough and sure enough started to tease me if he was my father. I get enough shit from my fellow officers about being the daughter of the Deputy Director.

When I arrived in MTAC I asked for everyone to leave Jenn nodded for them to leave and when then all were gone I typed in a secure code to block the Americans from recording the conversation. I was shocked to hear the words come out of my father's mouth. He actually said he knew Ari was a mole and that he had more than likely killed this young women named Kate. Then he informed me he had to ask the hardest thing ever of me. He asked me to remove my brother with what ever force was necessary. He truly believed that Ari was for the Hamas and was putting Mossad at risk. I tried to argue with him that he was wrong that Ari would never do that. However my father then said if he had to he would order everyone involved with Ari to be removed in whatever means were necessary. I knew then I had to kill my brother and make sure my name was cleared or I was guilty by association and would be killed also. My father then commented that maybe this Gibbs would do us all a favor and eliminate Ari.

I left MTAC and Jenn and I went down to Abby's lab to discuss what was happening. I was so mad however I could not let anyone know. When Gibbs pointed out the brass left behind I became hopeful it was not what we used at Mossad. Then when Jenn admitted I had dossiers on all of them and he had everyone leave I was expecting him to light into me. However instead he asked if I knew of his first wife and daughter. I could not look at him I felt ashamed that I had revealed so much of the operation. However at this point I realized that I might be the only person to know this information. Jenn would have told me about this if she had known. When he pointed out this is why Ari was killing the women in his life it did make more sense.

Gibbs and I made a plan and a backup. I informed him Ari would see through his plan of leaving flowers for Kate on the roof top, so I told Ari it was a set up. However I told Gibbs I would follow him for a few days to see if Ari would try to go after him. I told him Ari may even wait months to try again. However when we arrived at Gibbs house that night I noticed a small nick on the door knob the lock had been freshly picked and Ari always tended to leave this small mark it was part of his signature that was never found by anyone, however I knew he did this. I informed Gibbs of this and he gave me his weapon. I stayed at the top of the stairs as Gibbs went into the basement. He informed me he had his own sniper rifle from when he was in the marine still in the basement locked away. I listened and then heard Ari. How could Ari say what he said. I know Ari had mentioned that he blamed Dad for his mother's death and for my mother's death. However to hear that he was responsible for Ari becoming a traitor, I had a hard time believing this. When I realized I had no choice I wanted till I heard Ari preparing to shoot Gibbs and as he apologized to him I pulled the weapon in my hand and as I had many times before I pulled the trigger and watched my target hit the ground. However unlike previous assignments I could not walk away into a crowd and loose the weapon instead I had to face my big brother who I had always adored the only sibling I had left. I had to say goodbye and ask for him to forgive me. However as I looked at him in the basement I realized this was no the brother I knew, this was the monster my father created. The boy I knew was lost somewhere in Mossad training and my father ambition to be director of Mossad.

That night Gibbs called select agents to come deal with the crime scene. I was not there when they arrived I showed up after he called me and informed me he had shot my Officer. The official report reads that Special Agent Gibbs arrived home, Officer Haswari attempted to shoot him as he entered the basement and missed and Gibbs then took a shot and killed Ari. I then informed them that Ari had betrayed Israel and that I had intelligence that he was working for Hamas and Al-Qaida that I believe Special Agent Gibbs and with Jewish Law no autopsy would be needed and I would leave with his body to return to Israel immediately. I was impressed that I was given no problems and his body was placed in a bag and I escorted it to the private jet that waited to return us to Tel Aviv.

I am still in a complete state of shock. I told my father I would not attend his funeral and I would be leaving Tel Aviv immediately. Father did not try to even talk me out of it. He read the report and accepted the report. I think he was more upset that the report said Gibbs killed him. I think he can not trust me because he thinks I did not kill my brother.

I wonder if he knew the truth if he would be proud of me then.

I have been in my flat in Paris now for two days. Ari was buried in Gaza next to his mother's grave. He was given no honors and no one in the family attended. I have requested the next thirty days off to think about things. I am not sure if I want to return to Mossad.

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June 5, 2005

I have been sitting in my flat re-reading what happen and thinking about what happen. I keep trying to figure out when Ari turned bad, was our father the cause? I have only left the flat to get food and return I have re-read several of the books we have kept here. I have not felt this empty since Mom and Tali died. I mourn for the big brother I remember that would have never betrayed me or our family or Israel.

Dad has tried to call my cell phone however I only turn it on to look at messages I am not answering any calls I just need time to think. However at the same time I know that being alone is the worse thing I could do. Tomorrow I will go to visit Aunt Nettie. I need to get out of this depression.

* * *

June 12, 2005

I have contacted Jenn in the US I asked her if she would need a Mossad agent at NCIS. At first she laughed then asked if I was serious. I informed her I was. I told her I would like to be on Gibbs team specifically. I would still be Mossad however I would be a liaison where I could help with an exchange of intelligence as needed. In return I would learn how to be an investigator in the US with NCIS. I would still be paid through Mossad and the only thing I would need from the agency is approval. I did not mention that I had called my father and begged him to let me do this assignment and to get it approved through the Mossad director. I had never used my father to get anything before in Mossad however this time I was going to use him. I just told Jenny that it was a new idea that had been being pushed around since the time she visited after 9/11.

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June 20, 2005

Jenn called me yesterday I have the job. I will start with Gibbs team next week. I am on my way to Tel Aviv to arrange for some of my house hold items to be shipped to the US. I am still maintaining my safe house loft in Paris who knows when that might come in handy and it is paid for. My father wants to see me in Tel Aviv however I just want to avoid him; I can not talk with him right now.

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Hope you have enjoyed this. I rewatched the show to write the entry.


	15. Chapter 15 Silver War

Disclaimer Still do not own NCIS. However I am borrowing the characters for non profit therapy to get a little more information on my favorite show, from my POV. LOL

Please enjoy the Diary entries. Dates are a guess unless it says what the date is in the show. This entry is based on the show Silver War.

Thanks to all my readers and the reviews:) Keep the reviews coming they are the best form of payment:)

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June 27, 2005

It has been a month since everything happened, Kate and Ari dying. I have arrived a few days early however I need to get back to work so I can forgot about the past and move on. Jenn had told me to report July 5th as the 4th is a holiday here in America. I arrived to work at 0500 and the building was fairly empty. I was able to get my NCIS badge without any problems with my orders. Then I went to where I first meet Tony and Gibbs. I choose the desk across from Tony's it was his old partners however I did not think she would mine if I used it.

Tony came to work at 0700 and looked like he had a rough weekend. I did my best to keep from laughing I had not wanted to laugh in a long time it actually felt good. When McGee arrived I helped myself to what I assumed was Tony's coffee I am glad he likes it with sweetener and it was marked on the outside. I could understand Tony and McGee not knowing about my arrival however with Gibbs not knowing I felt incredibly stupid. I could not believe Jenn had not told him. Yes, she had kept things from him however this was kind of important.

Tony tried to see if he could get me embarrassed or intimidated not sure which or if he was going for both. However when I pulled out a Israeli copy of GSM it was so funny. Glad I actually read it was worth watching him squirm and think about page 57.

When Gibbs told me to pack my trash I kept my disappointment inside and grabbed my bag to leave. When I got in the elevator Gibbs joined me and we had a talk about my requesting this assignment and Mossad knowing about the report. Little does Gibbs know that my father also ordered me to kill my brother if needed. Then I realized he was going to let me be part of the team when I got the first head slap or at least I thought I was.

I tried to see who I could build an alliance with Tony is easy to talk with and I enjoy the banter with him, not to mention page 57 with him would be lots of fun. However when I talk with him I can tell he has his walls high and in place.

I was a little miffed and let it show when Gibbs took my guns, at least he let me keep my knife.

We arrived at the Smithsonian and I was observing the guys playing around. Tony was having fun taking pictures with a polar bear with McGee, I could see this was going to be very different from Mossad. Though I would like to know the real story behind the 9 mm hole in my hat that Abby said I could borrow as we left the garage.

Getting to drive was lots of fun, the guys though will probably not let me drive again.

Getting Tony to puke was worth it though. Though I think I made it clear I do not want to talk about my family that is off limits.

I may have been a little harsh when I told Tony I have been to more than 2 dozen embassies. However I do not like being talked down to, I can see now I will have to earn his trust.

Tony is not very observant I was able to watch him for awhile before he realized I was so close, in Mossad this could cost you your life. I asked Tony about the red head with Gibbs as she was leaving and I believe him when he says he does not know who she is.

When we went to autopsy I was surprised how informal it was. When Dr. Mallard pointed out that the marine had tried to claw his way out I looked at Tony and saw he was a little shocked however he hid it quickly. After that we all departed and Gibbs told us to back in the morning. I stopped by a deli and picked up a sandwich and chips and a soda and headed back to my hotel. We will see how tomorrow goes. However I must make sure my apartment I get had a large Jacuzzi tub this is very relaxing to sit and write in my journal and soak in the tub.

* * *

June 28, 2005

Day 2 of work is now complete.

We started out this morning with the guys standing there eating a burrito and not getting me one. However I stole a bite from Tony's and then he just gave it to me. I think I may have made a point. Let's see if he gets me a burrito next time.

We all went into Abby's lab for some information and tried to be nice saying she looked nice however I do not think I made any points. However as I recall last month when I met her she looked very unprofessional, however I guess for her that is professional. I can tell I have my work cut out to prove myself to her. Hopefully she will realize it was not my fault that my brother killed Kate.

After Abby things got worse. Tony got even for the burrito by having me go through a trash dumpster knowing there was no evidence in it. I will get him for this it will take time but I will get even. I think everyone is having fun on my behalf not letting me shower after the dumpster then when McGee and I return after being pushed into a water fountain I saw showers in the gym that I could have used. I am glad in Mossad we are more spread out who knows how many agents would kill each other over items like this.

When McGee and I went into the bank I had a strange feeling like I was being watched, I should have trusted my instinct they have never let me down and did not this time either.

I can tell McGee will be easy to manipulate and get information from. I am surprised he is a Special Agent he would have not lasted a day in Mossad.

I made some points though when I was able to redraw a copy of the map. In Mossad you must be very observant and for something I can remember things down to the detail. However some things I can not remember without some help. I wish I could remember what Mom and Tali looked like as easy, however when my pictures arrive I will be able to put them up here since I am not undercover.

Gibbs at least gave me back my weapons today. Thank goodness he gave them back they came in handy. I think if Dr. Mallard would have been killed by that women then I would have had to leave as the team would have never trusted me. However I saved Dr. Mallard (though he prefers Ducky) and captured the killers. I think I proved I can do the job very well. Tony now see's I know how to use weapons, I may be a women but I know how to be independent.

I stayed at work knowing Gibbs would be back to his desk to get his keys. I pushed the issue of Kate being gone and time to move on. I gave Gibbs a sketch book I found in her desk of the team. Tomorrow I will bring in my items to put in my desk. I hope with Gibbs accepting it so will Tony and McGee.

I am going apartment hunting this weekend, McGee mentioned he lives in Silver Springs it is a quiet area and away from DC. I am going to go check that area out this weekend. Tony does not live very far from there either.


	16. Chapter 16 Switch

Disclaimer Still do not own NCIS.

This is a Diary entry for the epsiode Switch. season 3

I accept reviews as payment:) Thanks to all who have reviewed and read the story. Hope you continue to enjoy.

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Aug 19, 2005

In the past week I have been late to work after taking the wrong bus stop. Tony looked concerned when I said what stop I got off at. Gibbs on the other hand hardly acknowledged anything accept I was late.

My punishment was having to interview the wife of the sailor killed in a car shooting. I have never had to interview someone like this before it is very different. I have lots to learn about interviews.

I tried to impress Tony with my knowledge of trajectory and ballistics of a 9 mm bullets however he tried to then tell me I was assuming and that our job is to investigate. He is lucky I have great restraint and I like him.

I was surprised that at a military installation how many of the military personal are not armed.

I was talking to Jenn when Gibbs hung up the call and told me I was with him. When I tried to tell I would be just a minute is when he hung the phone up and I had to chase him to get in the elevator before it closed. Then we had a discussion. Here things run very different than in Mossad.

I swear I have never talked so much to myself. I tired to get Gibbs talking giving a little information on myself and risking him asking more about my family. He just ignored what I said.

I can not believe Tony and McGee would not consider the imposter to be a possible assassin. Tony though made my day when he took us to the wrong car it took 10 minutes to find the correct car.

I have learned that Tony loves Magnum PI. When I brought up he was a hot sexy American man of adventure he got a little defensive. I must say I will remember this piece of information for future blackmail or gifts.

Tony is having way to much fun correcting my English. I wish I would have paid more attention to English class now. However English in England and America are just a little different, I did not have as many problems there.

I got to watch Gibbs interrogate the fake petty officer. I was impressed how easy it was to get the guy to talk. Though it took a while to get information and still they did not get what was in the box.

I did get to go with Gibbs to arrest the wife. I was amazed once again how easy it was to get her confession.

A last note, I think I maybe making strides with Abby. I stayed and helped her put together a case that was destroyed by the bomb squad. After a few hours I learned about her apartment and that she slept in a coffin. I learned that Kate was her best friend. I learned that she blamed me cause Ari killed Kate. Hopefully soon I will be able to get her to realize I had nothing to do with Ari and his decision to kill Kate. If I could have I would have stopped him from killing her.

Well another week is over. Time to move on.


	17. Chapter 17 The Voyeur’s Web

Disclaimer CBS owns NCIS. I am just borrowing my favorite characters. Hope you enjoy my on going story.

The Voyeur's Web

September 30, 2005

Work has been moving along. Here is a review of the week.

I was sitting at my desk listening to Tony talk about his date he was setting up with Monica. I actually found myself getting jealous of this women and I do not even know her. However when I commented about enjoying honey dust I noticed it got Tony's attention, however not for long as Gibbs pulled us away on a case. Though I did enjoy seeing Tony embarrassed about the cokette. McGee is very easy to get any information out of though I think he enjoys seeing Tony get embarrassed also.

I learned about yard sales today. I can not believe what crap people will buy. However I think I scared the neighbor kids when I told them that I would arrest them for stealing if they did not put the item back.

Tony must not have much use with female toys. It was a simple viabrator and he could not get it turned off. I see he needs some lessons. Maybe I could give him some lessons if he wanted.

I am slowly learning to not argue as much with Gibbs. Even if you are right he will not let you win.

I see Tony may not know much about viabrators however he knows a lot about porn web sites.

Tony can make me smile and laugh anytime. I really enjoy working with him. I know we are a team McGee, Gibbs, Tony and I. However Tony is my Partner.

I have enjoyed sitting and having lunch at Tony's desk, talking with him about various things at work. Just as long as we do not talk about my family, I think he would run if he knew the truth behind my family.

I love how Tony has a lot of fun playing yet gets his work done. McGee on the other hand is all work no play. I am surprised him and Abby had something at one point.

Why does Gibbs think he has to remind me not to hurt someone does he think I only am trained to do one thing. If he knew what I did on most of my assignments he probably would change his tone with me.

Tony arrived with a La Perla bag a small gift for Monica. I am curious what she looks like, however since she was married it is one less person to worry about. When we got to the hotel we found the web master dead in the hotel. Though when we passed a beautiful woman I called him on looking at her. Then I noticed he was looking at me. Now to keep his eyes on me, though this may be harder than I could imagine.

When I found out Tony was not going with Monica I took him out on my treat to Valentino's for surf and turf. It was a fantastic dinner. I learned a lot about Tony, to include he is a real gentlemen. He refused to let me pay saying he already had made plans to put the money out for two people. He said next time he would let me pay.

I guess we will see hopefully the next time is very soon.

I accept reviews as payment.


	18. Chapter 18 Honor Code

Disclaimer: CBS owns NCIS. No money made. Though still accepting reviews as payment:)

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Honor Code

October 25, 2005

This past week we had a case dealing with a child that was missing his father. However what was more interesting was Tony showing a little jealously when I asked McGee for help learning the city. Again I was able to sneak up on him and listen to part of his conversation. Tony is as much as a flirt as I am.

However I do see children are not Tony's strong suit. However he is at least not afraid of them. I wonder if he ever wants children?

I learned there is a difference between social services and social security. However security is what is needed when children are involved poor Zach was almost killed do to the inept ability of the social worker to watch him. Then again I can remember how Ari, Tali and I use to escape from some of the finest at Mossad when we were younger.

Tony is not very good at detecting the bad guys however. He was totally flirting with the young blond that I had the fun of breaking.

However Tony is still questioning my skills I feel when we found the suspect he questioned if I would rather be with McGee, however maybe it is his way of showing jealousy. Later when we were at work he stole the apple I left for McGee. I found out later McGee never got the apple. McGee is not my type though he is to easy, I enjoy a challenge.

I enjoyed getting to show what I know to Gibbs when we went to talk with Dr. Mallard. However I think I have still failed to impress him. Ari was right on this point he is similar to our Dad as Gibbs does not show any feelings or approval just disapproval.

I could not believe that Gibbs allowed me to talk with a suspect my own way. The women was so easy to break. I could have made her say anything I wanted she was so vain, she would not want her looks hurt. Gibbs has not asked what I did and I know this women will never tell what I said or did for fear of what could happen to her.

I think the highlight of the week was seeing Zach and his father reunited. Tony seemed to have the same smile as I did of this is payment for getting a job done. Father and son reunited and happy at last.


	19. Chapter 19 Under Cover's

Under Covers

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Please read and review.

Under Covers

November 5, 2005

This past week has been my favorite assignment I have ever been on. To include any Mossad assignment.

I must say I was not disappointed in Tony, he is wonderful. He played along well, and was way to much of a gentleman. Must say cold showers are not enough. Maybe one of these days I will get to have him for real not as part of an assignment.

I must say I was impressed Tony did not try to wake me more than he did, my former partners in Mossad would force me to wake up or get on my side due to my snoring. However it was Tony who awoke me with his snoring how dare he mention that I snore.

Tony was fun to wake up though; I would have never imagined him jumping up so fast.

I now realize that Abby is still not my biggest fan, after her comments about my glasses.

I did enjoy breaking up the little chat he was having with the FBI agent. However I was not happy when he mentioned him picturing me pregnant. I do not know why this bothered me however it did. Though I did let Tony see one way I like to relax before a mission by cleaning my gun. I have learned to put nervousness into excitement, if you get nervous it can cause people to get hurt.

I realize now that I have let Tony into my heart I was so scared for him when the real Marcos Saizon kidnapped us. I wanted to inflict the same amount pain through various techniques for each of the seven hits Tony took. I think Tony may have mistaken my silence as not caring. I can tell NCIS agents are not trained how to be a hostage. When I left Tony I never felt such worry. I just wanted to get back to him asap. When I saw McGee on the floor I thought for a small second he was hurt then I realized he was a decoy. However when I got to the room and saw Tony beating up the other guard I was happy to see he was ok.

I went to the emergency room with Tony and waited and helped him get back to NCIS where the team saw he was ok. Tony at first wanted McGee take him home however when he went to get up from his chair he nearly fell and I reached along with Abby to help him he leaned into me and he put his arm around me. I think Abby was surprised that he naturally let me help him since he had been letting her hold his hand. When we got to the car he went ahead and let me drive him home. After I got him home I helped get him into bed then laid some pain killers out with a glass of water for the morning. I stayed around for a little while to make sure he was asleep. Then I left and drove home.

Now I am sitting soaking in my tub in my apartment writing out what happened. I must say I have never met a man like Tony that caught my interest so fast and so much. Maybe I am letting my imagination go wild. However I want a relationship and that is something I do not think he wants. He is still so young in so many ways, however maybe it is the fact I had to grow up so quickly that he seems so young. He is just a few years older than me after all.

However I must admit I was raised that when and if I married it was be to a Jewish man and I would live in Israel. However now I do not want to live in Israel and I do not care if I get my father mad. So far in my career I had to go against the kosher dietary laws and had to kill several people to include my brother. So why should this be any different.


	20. Chapter 20 FrameUp through Boxed In

Disclaimer: CBS owns NCIS I am just borrowing the characters. I am listing the name of the episode and orginal airdate, unless they give a date in the story that is different.

Please read and review. Thanks

Frame Up

November 22, 2005

The last few days were horrible. It started with finding a pair of legs that were missing a body. Little did we know that this would put one of our own at risk. That one person being Tony. I never have felt so helpless when McGee, Abby and Ducky were all trying to help. I wanted to help however I did not feel as though I could do anything to help him.

I finally got my self focused and offered help to both Abby and McGee. McGee took my offer and we downloaded Tony's computer to mine before the FBI took it.

Later Gibbs and I located the M.E. that Tony had made him loose his job. I was getting so worried for Tony at least I could dispense some of that energy on him. I love how some people can be intimidated by a simple sound. He almost jumped out of his skin when I made the noise with the cutters. If I had him in Israel he would have told me anything I wanted in 10 minutes or less. Gibbs did remind me that here I should not touch the suspects, all I did was a small smack on the cheek. I have done much worse.

I was very relieved when we found the rest of the female body in the cooler.

Tony was finally innocent as I knew the entire time and Chip, Abby's assistant was found to have totally set him up. Must admit I find it funny that he went to ruin Tony and not kill him. Most of my enemies would have me killed they would not do something so simple. I am glad that most do not know who it was they want revenge on.

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Probie

November 29, 2005

It has been a week since Tony was accused of murder and now McGee has killed someone. This is the first time he has killed someone. He took this very hard; he would have never lasted in Mossad or the Israeli Armed Forces. McGee is a nice guy however I prefer men who do not have self doubt.

I confronted Gibbs on the fact that McGee maybe lied, and he put it in no uncertain terms that he is not like the other men in my life. I think he was being a little harsh however I realize now sometimes you need to trust others no matter what the evidence shows. However I wonder how Gibbs feels about me now? Would he defend me the way he is defending McGee?

Eventually we found out the police officer that McGee shot was possibly killed by a crimelord. Abby could not determine who had the kill shot.

On a lighter note. Tony received a letter from a sperm bank that he donated to in College. I had a lot of fun teasing him this past week. At times Tony is like reading an open book. Then there are the areas that he hides behind the walls he has built and I can not find away around them easily. I must admit I was relieved when he announced that no one had used his sperm. I am glad that there are no little DiNozzo's around. However with his commitment issues I do not think there will be any little DiNozzo's soon.

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Model Behavior

December 13, 2005

I must admit I am learning a lot here. Though the first thing is that I hate models and reality tv.

This week we got a case on a Marine base where these three models were pretending to be at Marine boot camp. I can not believe anyone would even watch this. Then McGee admits he watches it, I would totally expect Tony, but McGee?

Tony came very close to dying again, he gave my Berry Mango madness to the model. I am not sure if I ever want one again though. Tony may need to have his eyes replaced after this week as they keep popping out of his head every time he is around the models.

I was finally given a chance to interrogate someone. I warned Gibbs I had never done an interrogation without inflicting some type of pain. He still insisted I go do the interrogation. I moved the chair so I was further away from the suspect. I started to wonder why this marine was acting so strange. Then suddenly he started to loose it. Tony came rushing into the room when the Marine threw the table. Poor Tony the Marine threw him up against the wall, then I disabled him and Tony and I both held him on the ground when Gibbs came running into the room.

We finally found out that the young model was killed and that her adopted father had laced the tobacco with PCP. I still can not believe that Tony liked the models personally I wanted to shoot them. They did not care that a young women had died all the cared about was in the increase in ratings the show would get thus giving them more exposure.

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Boxed In

January 13, 2006

Tony and I were sent to the Dock to check out a possible smuggling ring. We were there about ten minutes when we came under attack. Tony and I ran into a shipping container and were locked in. Unfortunately I became very angry and lost my temper just a little, I should have kept it under control better.

I tried to force Tony into talking about his commitment issue however he avoided that topic quickly. Tony did not seem as bothered as I was about being locked in this container. However I am sure he never had been locked into a container and tortured for hours on end either. I must say I handled this better than I thought. I have not had nightmares since getting out.

I must say only Tony would get excited about bollywood flicks. His first thought was about watching the flicks.

I should have realized what a stupid idea it was to attempt to fire my weapon in a metal container. My only thought was to protect Tony. I am interested in Tony, however unless he wants to make me his only person in his life then I need to avoid these thoughts, Tony does not want a commitment.

I must admit I learned more about Tony. I knew he could play piano, however I pretended I did not know and he actually told me he could. However I could have cared less about his music teacher.

I quizzed Tony about movies related to the following topics

Best dating movie Night of the Living Dead

Best sex movie Body Heat

I am sure Tony will be processing my comment about how I prefer sex in air conditioning and not hot and sweaty for weeks to come.

Tony tried to get to know me, however when he brought up my papa, I just became very quiet how can I tell him about finding out my papa was not perfect when his son killed his former partner. However I was surprised when Tony started to tell me about his father, however the trailer started to move and that ended that.

For once I got to correct Tony on a term. I will have to remind him later.

I have to laugh as I write this next part Tony seem to get jealous when I mentioned having dinner with McGee and Palmer. Then when he saw my knees that had friction burns I could just see his mind thinking the worst. I would never let him know that I got them from tripping while I was doing kickboxing and skinned them.

When we came under fire in the trailer I started to actually worry. However at one point Tony grabbed me and pulled me into to him to protect me. I wish I would have explained to Tony the reason I did not invite him, however at least I got to tell him I was sorry.

However I think Tony will forgive me for not inviting him to the party the night before after having his own Italian dinner with just me. I must admit I love talking with Tony as long as we stay off the topic of me. I think if he knew me, then he would go running. Not many men want a girlfriend or wife that is a killer, and is into psychological warfare.

Tony was a perfect gentleman as usual. He is so different when we are not working I think he let's the real Tony show more. One of these days hopefully I will allow him to get to know me also.


	21. Chapter 21 DeceptionFamily Secret

Disclaimer: ditto from previous chapters.

Please read and review. Let me know what you think is it believable, did I miss anything?

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Deception

January 17, 2006

Well this was our turn to be on for the weekend. On Sunday we got called in for a woman who called in saying she was abducted. Tony came in from a football game. I am glad that everyone else was late. I had Tony eating out of the palm of my hand. He actually believed that I hurt someone while doing martial arts. I swear he is the typical gullible American. However, McGee is the easiest to get information from with out even really trying. Tony started to tell me about what he was doing at the football game when gratefully Gibbs came in and sent us out to investigate the Woman's home.

However when we arrived there Tony informed and actually did come up with a key however by that time I had picked the lock and opened the door. It is hard to believe he did not know how to pick such a simple lock. Tony said there was no alarm since there was no sign I should have known better. Shortly after getting into the house the rent a cop home security showed up. I got to show Tony just how fast I could get out of handcuffs. The security guard was lucky Tony was there to keep me from hurting him.

I learned per Tony there are chick cars which are Sebring, Liberty, Jetta and Bug, the whole VW line. While Mustang, Camaro, Escalade, PT cruiser are all guy. Hummer is very guy with adequacy issues. Then the ones that go both ways are mini cooper and Acura. Miata can lean toward chick however if a guy has it he is in denial. I can not believe how much this bugged me. We found the car and again Tony took forever to break in and I finally gave up and got in, in less than a minute.

I had so much fun when we found a couple of teenage kids with the missing woman's cell phone. Poor kid may have lost his girlfriend after my comment when I took the phone. Must say I did enjoy Tony's way of interrogation for the boys than Gibbs idea of talking to them.

I was impressed when we went to get the pervert Gibbs picked the lock very fast. I must admit I was wondering if we had the right man until I walked in and saw that he had killed his prize fish.

Needless to say at the end of the night we found the missing woman and she will be fine. She had been kidnapped to teach her a lesson and nothing to do with her job in the Navy. However it cost the Navy a large amount of money when we had to investigate and stop a shipment that could have been jeopardized.

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Light Sleeper

January 24, 2006

This case this week had hit a little close to home. When I first saw the women in the living room I must admit I thought of assignation. I must admit a triple tap to the heart is the most efficient way to ensure the person will not come back.

I started to believe that the husbands were guilty of the crimes. One was in Iraq so he was cleared. However the other two were looking very guilty.

I was surprised with the turn this case took. The friend to the two dead women was actually a spy with the two of them. However she had changed her mind and did not want to complete her mission.

I had fun with this case. I could understand where this sleeper agent was coming from. I could just run through my own training of how I would have ran this operation. However I must admit I would have never let myself fall in love and have a child. Though when I saw her with her husband and child I think I understand why she made the choice she did.

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Head Case

February 7, 2006

This case has brought back my worst fear and night mare. I never dreamed of opening a cooler and finding a head, I thought this only happened in Mossad. Tony tried to offer a story of the first time he had a decapitated head, then I informed him bluntly this was not my first head and when you know the person it is worse. However I regret letting him know that I had decided never to be captured alive.

When we met the lawyer, I wanted to hurt Tony. Of course the lawyer was a female and his dislike of lawyers went out the window.

Tony is driving me nuts, one day I adore him the next day I want to kill him. I could not believe that McGee and Tony were both somewhat shocked when I suggested he sleep with the lawyer to get information. I have done it once or twice well maybe four or five times, to get information from various sources. However I must admit it was on my terms not anyone else's. I was not surprised when Gibbs stated he had used sex for interrogation.

Jenn and I still find time to chat, some days it is like nothing has changed. Other days she does things that makes me wonder if I really knew her. I went to MTAC the other day and was shocked a little when she asked if I wanted to go back to Israel. I laughed and told her I agreed that Gibbs was a good teacher. I am learning things from him that I could and would never learn in Mossad. Jenn and I talked so much about Gibbs since I have known her. However I know I still know about secrets that Gibbs has never shared with her.

Tony now knows one of my sources is Jenny. I am sure Gibbs suspects it, will see how much longer before he figures it out. My other sources though will remain secret; they are too valuable to let anyone know who they are.

Must say I knew I hated that Lawyer and I was right she was involved in stealing remains and selling them. I think the jury will see the evidence does prove she murdered her accomplice also.

Seldom do I put my shoe in my mouth, however this time I did. Abby is the one person I did not do a dossier on when Ari came to the US. I wish I would have then I would have known she was also into voodoo and not made the comments I did. However I should have known better.

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Family Secret

February 28, 2006

This case was very interesting. It goes to show how far family will go to protect a secret. I admit I saw that too many times in my own family.

In an attempt to get a date with an agent in the office he managed to get McGee a date. I must admit I am happy that McGee had a great time on the date and Tony got to mope.

Gibbs actually questioned my loyalty. I was so mad, how dare he question my loyalty to him after I all I did for him. I think he is jealous of my relationship with Jenny. I recall her telling me in Europe as we were driving that he expected 300 loyalty.

I am really enjoying working with the team and Tony is a lot of fun. Though he is having too much fun correcting my English idioms. Then when I get one right he teases me and tells me I said it wrong. He best watch out though, I do get even.

Well, I can not believe I am writing in my journal this much last time I did I was a child happy at school. I just hope that I do not have my happiness removed as it has been every time I seem to find happiness I loose it. My Ima and Tali were the two most important people to me. I wonder what Ima would say about Tony?


	22. Chapter 22 RavenousUntouchable

Disclaimer: CBS still owns NCIS. Though DPB created the characters

Please read and review. I am getting caught back up finally on the diary.

This is my version of Ziva's life and thoughts. I have based it on the show and try to keep it cannon as possible. These are just random thoughts on the cases and her friends for her diary. I have listed the episode and original air date for references. I watch each episode as I make a Diary entry so it does take some time. Sorry it has taken so long. Please please I accept reviews as payments:)

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Ravenous

March 7, 2006

This is a case I could have lived without. It started with Tony taking me to go watch the new probies observing an autopsy. I was surprised to learn that Jenny had basically failed, however it some ways it does not surprise me as I saw her occasionally turn green. It is interesting how different NCIS is from Mossad, I wonder if the CIA and FBI are the same.

It was Abby's birthday and I got her black roses and I felt really bad when I saw the large bouquets Tony and McGee had also bought for her. I wish they had let me know when I said I was going to give her the flowers I had bought.

It was fun teasing Tony about the park rangers. However I was surprised I did not get any strange feeling about Landis, Tony must have distracted me.

Prejudice is universal, no matter where I have been I have seen it. You just can not let it get to you or they have won.

I think Tony was impressed that I was able to start or finish information he was telling Gibbs. Hmm yes I do me homework also. Tony actually looked impressed.

I am still curious though why Tony asked if I shaved. One day I will get it out of him.

Gibbs asked if I could interrogate the racist man we suspected of the murders. I was honest and said not without breaking bones. I think once I was done he was have admitted to do anything I told him he did. However this is America, and here someone is innocent till proven guilty. Gibbs made me defend the racist man and I had to prove he was innocent. I was so mad at first, however I understand now that it is important to look at the whole picture and not to assume.

I enjoyed the interrogation. I was impressed this man actually had a heart more than I can say about my own father. I knew by getting him to think about his own daughter then he would be able to talk.

At least we found the missing girl and found the man who murdered her and 26 other women. I think it is funny that Gibbs shot the man in the ass, now that is justice.

Bait

March 14, 2006

This past week I have learned a lot about Tony and the type of leader he can be. He has a lot of potential.

A 15 yr old boy had taken his class hostage with a bomb he was wearing. He had several other children in the class with him.

In Israel I had seen 12 yr old suicide bombers and Tony just shook his head. This child seems to have been trained, and I was right to a point he was being told what to do. The people who had placed the bomb on him were very well trained.

Tony has a higher value on life, in my training I was taught that one life gone was no big deal if it saved others. If I had been in charge of this a young innocent boy would have died as I would have told the sniper to take the shot. Especially when I realized that the people who were using him had the real switch.

I was impressed with how Tony handled talking to the boy's father. He showed the real man that was in there with true concern and passion for the truth.

I could tell Jenny asked if he could handle this case. She had done this to me on our first case together. I could tell this bothered Tony, however I was wondering if he could handle this. I can see that he does not totally trust his self, I had thought he was over confident now I see he is self doubting and lacks confidence and is hiding behind the jokes.

Tony will never let McGee forget he called him Boss. It actually made Tony feel better; it came at a good time. However it will be fun watching Tony torture McGee over the next few weeks if not years.

Tony came up with a brilliant idea that rescued everyone and left us with a happy ending.

Apparently Jenny surprised us all she found the boys mother and reunited the family.

Iced

April 4, 2006

Cases here are so different. I am actually enjoying my assignment the longer I stay. I came here because I was tired of killings and I now at least get to solve them and not cause them.

Tony has found another way to tease McGee, questioning his manhood. Even Gibbs got into the act commenting about his female glow.

McGee asked if he was unmanly, I tried to assure him he was appropriately masculine, then when I saw Gibbs coming I did not want to get caught showing that I had a soft spot and covered it that Gibbs and Tony were more tough guys. However I must say McGee would not last 5 minutes in Mossad.

I was impressed how McGee handled the gang in Manassas. I think he was trying to show he was tough.

I was not kidding when I made the threat of linking the street gang to terrorism. I think McGee thought I was, however it is not difficult to do such a thing especially with people I know.

Gibbs warned me that the gang knew where I lived. I informed him that they would be surprised if they showed up at my place. Part of me was ready for them to show up, I would have loved to had target practice.

At least Gibbs let me have fun driving, poor McGee he turned pretty green. I was impressed Tony did not, though he was having too much fun with our suspect.

I got a chance to see justice is also carried out in the US as it is in rest of the world when it comes to gangs.

Untouchable

April 18, 2006

I must admit Tony is my favorite person on the team to work with, however I will never admit it to him.

I could never tease McGee about being afraid of a pussy. Tony on the other hand takes it and dishes it back.

Finally I got a case more close to home, espionage. I must admit I was missing what I use to do and investigating instead of doing the deed was very interesting.

I do not understand why people think I have never been anything other than Mossad. I have had stuffed animals and still have a couple in my favorite's box that is in my old bedroom at our house.

Tony does like having fun teasing the probies; however I can only take so much. He is just too juvenile at times. I was once told that a traumatic event can cause development to cease and in other cases it causes a person to mature before there time. Maybe when Tony lost his mother it caused him to stay a child, however for me it made me grow up faster than I wanted.

Tony is starting to trust me more talking about his family. Someday maybe I can trust him also.

I have to say I have I hated searching through people's refrigerators. I do not understand why people keep so much. It is much better when you go buy your meat and vegetables and fruits fresh. Well anyways enough of that.

I have never fallen asleep while working and I can not believe I fell asleep leaning against my partner. Apparently my snoring did not bother anyone this time. Thank goodness McGee is not the type to use this against my partner and me.

Tony and I had a stakeout however he was back into hiding behind his walls. I tried to ask him about taking piano lessons I figured it would give us time together and we could get to know one another. Maybe we can talk again later.

Well, my insurance is going to go up again. However this accident I did on purpose trying to stop a possible murderer.

Tony changed his shirt as I was trying to convince him to say he was driving the car. Ohh I must say I love his chest hair and he is great looking. I can still remember lying against him during our undercover mission. I was quit surprised when I saw the report for the accident on my desk later and it listed the driver as Anthony DiNozzo. He left a sticky note on it. The note said Piano lessons might just be fun, name the day and time. I must say I was expecting to pay him another way; however I think most of his stories are that, just stories.

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Ok please hit the review button and let me know your thoughts.


	23. Chapter 23 Bloodbath through Hiatus P 2

Disclaimer: CBS still owns NCIS. Though DPB created the characters

Please read and review. I am getting caught back up finally on the diary. This is my version of Ziva's life and thoughts. I have based it on the show and try to keep it cannon as possible. These are just random thoughts on the cases and her friends for her diary. I have listed the episode and original air date for references. I watch each episode as I make a Diary entry so it does take some time up.

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**Bloodbath**

**April 25, 2006**

This week started off interesting enough. Abby had a court case to attend and asked Jenny and I if she could wear her boots instead of high heals. I tried to side with Abby however when Jenny brought up the issue of not buttoning up a lapel correctly I got the hint and sided with her. Then before we could get any further with Abby's outfit Tony came in and pulled me away. I have never allowed someone to help me do things. However I did not even think about it when Tony carried my backpack for me.

I must admit I had not done a dossier on Abby and in some ways I am glad I had not. Abby has a very interesting past, and I only went back a year or so into her past at this time. I wish I had known Abby had been threatened I could have given her way to deal with nosy boyfriends. Abby was lucky to have escaped from the cyanide gas. We have used this in Mossad assassination's and it is very successful and hard to detect post mortem.

I am curious the connection between Gibbs and Abby. I knew they were close however it was not important when I did the dossier. It is not a relationship based on sex it is more like a father daughter relationship. Abby will tell me one day, however I want to be careful on how I approach this. It is not a mission it is a friendship. Friends are not something I have ever had many of since I have joined Mossad.

I was very concerned for Abby and even gave her a stun gun to use incase her stalker boyfriend tried to hurt her.

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**Jeopardy**

**May 2, 2006**

This past week I had my first time I was accused of murder not related to an assassination. I thought Gibbs would back me as he did Tony and McGee. However instead he seems to be looking for a reason to convict me of murder. Maybe I was wrong in trusting Gibbs.

This past week I nearly lost my new career and best friend. I thought I had learned to control my temper, as I told Gibbs a year ago I would have broke the guys' neck for being such an ass. However I know the blow I landed should have done nothing but incapacitated him. It was not enough to kill him, I have done this more than once, and this is the first time this had happened.

Tony did not make me feel better asking how I learned what I did and making comments that I must have killed him. I really did not expect him to be supportive I do not think he knows how to do that actually.

McGee tried to make me feel better. I must say he succeeded. It is nice to have someone show they care. However I was always taught it was only what you thought that matter's.

I was stuck at the desk for most of the time until we went to rescue Jenny. Tony has made me promise to watch a movie called Weekend at Bernies. I am not so sure I want to do that right now.

Jenny has informed me that the death was ruled natural causes that my suspect had a congenital defect and had an aneurisms since birth and he it just happen to go in my presence. I could tell there is something she is not telling me. I asked her if Gibbs still questioned my involvement, she said that Ducky ruled it natural causes and no one was questioning anything.

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**Hiatus Part 1 and 2**

**May 9 and 16, 2006**

I am not sure where to start. The past few weeks have been for a lack of other words crazy.

I am sitting here just hours ago Gibbs announced he was retiring and leaving NCIS. He left Tony in charge. Tony is over at my house and is asleep on my couch, after having some wine and talking. We are both in shock that Gibbs has left.

Well, I guess I need to really start from the beginning. We were on surveillance and Gibbs was inside a ship when an explosion happened. I have seen many bombings, to include ones I have lost many friends in. It never gets any easier.

Ducky was unfortunate enough to receive the brunt of my anger, when he arrived. I had learned in Israel to put personal interest aside and focus on the crime scene. He took it as if I did not care. He tried to tell me he knew otherwise, however I knew he thought I did not care.

I was impressed that Tony took pity on McGee and did not make him go into the room where the bomb blast had been. McGee needs to face his fears it is the only way one grows.

I did my best to stay focused. I know my co-workers thought I did not care. However the thought of loosing a friend was something I had to put behind me and I needed to focus on the crime scene and finding out what really happened and why.

I have went backwards in my friendship with Abby. I should have known that with her relationship with Gibbs not to have tried joking about the blood color in the room. She needed to hear that I was concerned. However I can could not do this. I was very surprised when she smacked me, and the smack I returned I did without a thought. Even though we shook hands and hugged, it will take awhile for me to get Abby's trust totally back.

I realize now that Ducky and Abby both needed to see that I cared and I should have asked about Gibbs.

I was and still am worried about Tony; from the moment the bomb went off I could see him becoming more like Gibbs. Now I can see that he realizes he has to step up and do his own thing. He needs to be Tony not Gibbs; I will be there to help him with this. However he has to allow me to help him.

I went to Gibbs at the hospital finally. I went there to get him to remember. I had not talked about our secret in over a year. I finally was able to cry for Ari, I was able to admit what I had done and why. I hoped that Gibbs would remember what I had done for him, what I had sacrificed for him. I could not stop myself from crying, I cried for the loss of my brother, for the loss of my self. Gibbs shocked me by telling me he did remember he knew the secret. I knew he was back. On the way to NCIS he told me what happen. I placed a call to Mossad also they had no one on board the ship and no way of getting a team there within the next 12 hours.

When we got to MTAC and Gibbs was told they would not do anything and new that PinPin was aboard and did not care if he killed the sailors I could see it was the last straw.

When Jethro left he told me he owed me, and I informed him I would collect this I promise I will collect one day. I just hope it will be a long time before I need to call in this favor.

Tony is snoring lightly as he sleeps on the couch. We start his piano lessons next week, we have decided. Once a week we will get together for dinner, piano lessons and a movie. Since I am a liaison he is not really my boss, he is just a co-worker. My boss is still the Director of Mossad. Who knows where this will head, maybe we will just be good friends.

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I will start season 4 later this week. Please read and review.


	24. Chapter 24 Shalom through Witch Hunt

Disclaimer: CBS still owns NCIS. Though DPB created the characters

After a long break I am finally back. This is my version of Ziva's life and thoughts. I have based it on the show and try to keep it cannon as possible. These are just random thoughts on the cases and her friends for her diary. I have listed the episode and original air date for references. I watch each episode as I make a Diary entry so it does take some time up. Thanks for sticking with me on this adventure. Please review. All comments and critiques are welcome. As for grammar this is her diary, so it may ramble and be incomplete sentences etc. However that is how I think a diary should be just rambles.

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Shalom

19 Sept 2006

The last few months have been very interesting. Gibbs retired and went to Mexico. Tony has taken his place and has really done well. I can see he has so much potential. This past week however changed everything. I was driving to work and feel for the oldest trick in the book. I should have never followed that motorcycle. However when I saw Eschel Namir a former team mate of mine at the bombing I could not believe it, I never seen such sloppiness. I should have known this was a set up.

When I arrived at the Israeli embassy I had to wait forever. Then Michel revealed that my father was spying on me. I am an adult how dare he have someone watching my every move. It is none of his business who I am having to my apartment. I was so mad at him then I find out that I am wanted for murder and espionage.

I know I hurt Tony, however I did not want to contact him and risk his career. I think I have damaged the trust I have been building with him in the past few months. I want a real relationship with him not a one night stand. I have had too many of those. Now that I am not on assignment I can have a real life and relationship, at least I hope I can.

I felt bad about calling Gibbs and asking for his help. However as he had said he owed me one and he was the only one I knew I could call for help and not risk their career. I felt bad enough calling Abby, I risked her career but had to get Gibbs phone number some how.

I was so upset that Tony showed up at Gibbs basement. I tried to play it off that I was mad at him, which I was. I was so mad that he risked his career for me. At the same time I wanted to give him a hug and have him hold me and tell me everything would be ok.

Gibbs informed me later that Eschel asked if he really killed Ari. This is a concern, my father had accepted the report and my statement as to what happened concerning Ari. I hope this was a one time issue, this concerns me about what is being said in the intelligence world. Strange this happen at the safe house I had set up for Ari years ago. However I still have other safe houses in the area no one knows about, hopefully Gibbs does not ask me about them.

I have decided if I never see Gibbs basement again I will be happy. Lucky for me, he at least had a weapon that I could clean. However it brought up sad memories of the last time I saw this weapon was in my brothers hands as he aimed it at Gibbs and I killed him before he could kill another innocent person. I had no desire to work on his boat though.

When Gibbs called and told me where Eschel was I knew I had to go immediately. The one thing I had learned though while being here was to wire myself to tape the confession.

I wanted to kill her so bad when she called me a Jew. The way she said it with hate and discontent brought out my anger. However I instead held out and let her beat me up some to get a confession. Then when I got the confession I killed her as I have been trained to do.

Tony went with me to the ER to get checked out and then we went back to NCIS and to Jenny's office. When we got done updating her and seeing how the news was explaining the incident of 2 dead people in a hotel, we went to see Gibbs. However he was gone by the time we got to the the bullpen.

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Escaped

26 Sept 2006

Well this week things started out with McGee over bleaching his teeth and did Tony ever have fun torturing him. Up till Gibbs returned.

Gibbs got a temporary reinstatement to find this guy who claimed he was falsely accused of murder. I realized how much Tony was like Gibbs when Tony finished his sentences. I could sense that Tony was relieved that Gibbs was back. However I asked him if he was afraid Gibbs was taking his old position back. Tony did not answer telling me he was glad he was back.

I hate Tony's campfires and boy have we discussed this more than once. However I will not have to deal with these anymore since Gibbs has returned. Nor will I have to deal with Agent Lee. Something about her I can not put a finger on, just something about her makes me on edge.

I was never so happy to be relieved in a interrogation. If I had that man in Israel he would have been up against the wall and rights would have not been an issue. However when I heard Gibbs say please and the suspect gave the information we wanted I was amazed. I would have to keep that one in the back of my mind as an interrogation technique.

I must admit I was amazed that McGee knew about the antiques and how much they were worth. There is more to him than just computers.

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Singled Out

3 Oct 2006

Our case this week dealt with a Navy Lt that disappeared. She was seen in the back of her car screaming and bloody. However the most interesting part was finding out she had been looking for a husband using a computer program. We had lots of fun with her program that allowed you to see what two peoples children would look like.

Tony has changed a little since Gibbs has returned. He seems to be having problems going back to taking orders and not issuing them. However it may have to do with this new girlfriend of his. At first when Tony quit coming over I thought it was because of what happen when I was framed. Then I realized he had a new girlfriend, I overheard him talking to her. However this is different he is not bragging and showing pictures of her.

I was helping Abby in her lab it was fun helping her. However I had to laugh when she commented that Gibbs was changed due to his mustache.

As we watched Gibbs interrogate the guy who stole the Lt.'s car I commented that people change. Tony said people do but not Gibbs. However I must admit that statement was right, as I can see that Tony has and continues to change. Tony for some reason seems to becoming distant. Maybe it is my fault after all I did not go to him when I was in trouble, though it was to protect him.

I can not believe that I had to dress as I did. I have used a variety of ways to disguise myself for the jobs I have done however this is the worst I have ever had to do. Tony will never let me live this down. However after awhile I started to have fun with gathering fingerprints and information.

Well at least this case had a good ending we found the Lt. and she was traumatized but alive. To bad her captor did not make a wrong move I would have loved to show how expert my shooting skills are.

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Faking It

10 Oct 2006

Why do men think they can lie. My career has been based on learning to detect when people are lying. McGee could not lie to save his life. He has such the innocent face, however with the proper training he would be a great spy. Tony on the other hand, has great potential however I can tell when he lies most of the time. However I think when he puts his mind to it he could deceive anyone.

Franks came back again. There is more to him than he presents. I am not sure however one of these days I will figure it out. Franks then gave enough information to arrest our suspect.

If I ever have to go out with McGee again I will never trust him to bring our supplies. I have seen many disgusting things. However having to go look for vomit that was over 24 hours old and then search for a bullet tops the list. I was very happy that Tony was not here, if he had seen me get nauseated he would never let me live it down. I have told McGee if he tells anyone that he will find his computer is a million pieces.

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Dead and Unburied

17 Oct 2006

Well this week the case had to deal with a body that was found in an empty house. The realtor was more worried about selling her next house. I knew something was up with her. She was acting like she was hiding something.

I can not believe that Tony went into my desk and used my deodorant. Yes I have shared a bed with him when undercover however my items are mine. I can not believe he would, or yes I can believe he would. Well, I will just make sure to lock up anything I do not want him to get.

I can not believe how gullible this young women was. I have seen people like her in many countries, it is unbelievable. This young girl believed she was soul mates, and that she would know he was dead in her heart. I then took her to autopsy to see him so she did not live on false hope. However I was impressed when her and the other fiance got into a fight. Maybe she was not so gullible.

I swear I may hurt Tony with his movie references. However I did enjoy it when he wrapped his arms around me while typing on the computer.

I enjoyed watching Tony getting jealous of me staring at McGee. The eye candy was not to bad, however must admit I prefer Tony over McGee.

When we went to the garage that appeared empty, I knew immediately where it was. I had seen this technique used many times. McGee is stronger than I thought. I was impressed how he was able to keep me steady as I stood on his shoulders. I could not believe the gold that was in the bag. I was not expecting to find that.

As I said I did not trust that relator. She tried to run Tony and I over, ohhh how I would have loved to shoot her. However I knew that would not be aloud.

I saw another part of Gibbs today. One who breaks the rules to try to make things right. As with Ari he fixed the report to show the gold being less than what was there.

Well, another week another case. At least we found the murder and another mystery was solved.

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Witch Hunt

31 Oct 2006

Today I learned more about Tony. I learned he does not like Halloween. I also learned that McGee actually likes to dress up as an elf lord. A blue elf lord to top it off.

I must admit this case was strange. A dead skeleton. A roomba that policed the brass. Then a little girl was kidnapped, and the kidnapper was under our nose the entire time.

I really hate to deal with crying women. I know I should have never said I know what it is like to loose a member of your family. However I did not know how to let her know that I could understand she was upset.

I got so mad at Tony, why does he think just because I am a women that she would tell me everything. I am not sensitive, maybe I can take some lessons from Abby.

I can not believe that the two women left the house without me knowing. Thank goodness for Ducky he let me talk about the case and made me see another viewpoint in the case. I can not believe I actually referenced a movie in regards to mother bears.

I am not sure how I will get back onto Gibbs good side. However like Ducky said at least he is not a bear.

However I am wondering if I am getting soft. I totally missed that the sister was one of the bad guys.

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	25. Chapter 25 Sandblast through Suspicion

Disclaimer: Need I say it.

Ok I see I have lots of people reading this however very few reviews. Please they make my day, let me know if you like it or do you think I am off base.

This has been very hard to write as I hate Jeanne and I have to watch the episode which means seeing her with Tony. Ewwww. LOL.

Yes this has a major TIVA slant.

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Sandblast

7 November 2006

This past week a young man whose father was preparing to go to combat were golfing. However this poor kid witnessed something he will recall for the rest of his life, his father detonated a bomb on the golf range and was killed instantly.

Gibbs and this Army officer hit it off well. As I told Tony he found his forth ex-wife. This should be interesting if we work with them ever again.

Was talking with Jenn and it seems she is a little jealous of Officer Mann, though she would never admit it. So apparently my comment was right at the golf course.

Poor McGee got poison ivy, must say he was funny to watch him scratch. However it was interesting where he got the poison ivy at. I will have to ask Abby later if he also had it on his legs or was it only where the boys were. If so this might be worth filing away and using in the future against him.

Only Tony would try to distract me while disarming a bomb. Tony has been different in the last few weeks. Apparently this new girlfriend is someone special. He is no longer talking about other women and staring at every good looking women that walks by. He also is not joking and flirting as much. I must admit I miss this about him.

I have found out you should not fall asleep at your desk at work. I had to listen to Gibbs and Mann while they flirted. I wanted to tell them to get a room. The least they could have done was bought me dinner also.

I was impressed that Tony took time out to talk to the young man whose father was killed. Going into the military is honorable, however when not mandatory you need to do it for the right reasons. Revenge is not a good reason, how much I know that is true.

Well this case ended without finding the person responsible for the bombing, however we did save another innocent man from being killed. I knew Tony and Gibbs would stay with me to disarm the bomb, though have to admit I was surprised that Tim and Mann stayed also. Must admit it gave more incentive to get it deactivated.

* * *

Once a Hero

14 November 2006

Tony and I had protection detail this week for the director. I swear nothing around here is boring. As Tony got distracted by food I kept the director from being killed by a falling body. One of these days Tony will learn to stay focused hopefully before anything happens to someone. He is a good agent, however you can tell he has not had military training. I wonder why Gibbs has kept him all these years?

Tony seems to be tired the last week. He has been distracted and now has 2 cell phones. I am concerned about him. He seems to be having a lot of doctors appointments. I am concerned if something is wrong with him.

I was very impressed with Agent Lee she might have what it takes to be a good agent yet. She handled her first undercover assignment very well including saving a bunch of young girls from the sex trade and clearing a young deceased Marines name.

* * *

Twisted Sister

21 November 2006

Only Tony would get excited about it being his 100th body. I can not even begin to remember a count on the bodies I have seen, nor do I want to count them.

Tony was not feeling well again this week and left me to handle the case with Gibbs. However little did we know how close to home this case was going to take us.

McGee's little sister was a suspect and McGee tried to protect her. Big brothers are wonderful. It made me remember how Ari always watched out for Tali and I when we were younger. I know my team members would never understand that Ari was anything but a monster. However at one point he was an over protective big brother very similar to McGee.

Just when I thought Tony was growing up a little he made some irresponsible comments about McGee's sister. Only Tony would want to hit on his partners sister who is accused of murder.

The one thing interesting that this case brought out was McGee has written a book, called Deep Six. I am Lisa and Tony is Tommy. What impressed me more was Tony had a copy in his desk at work already. I was wondering if he could read, however this would be the type of story he would like. I doubt he has ever read any of the classics unless required in college. Then again I am sure he got someone to read it for him.

* * *

Smoked

28 November 2006

I have been reading Deep Six. McGee is lucky I have orders not to torture or kill my co-workers. However I got even driving him to the crime scene, though it is not enough. He best watch out I have not forgiven him yet. Yes I care for Tony, however how dare he write a character based on me. However I must be more careful as he must see something between Tony and I. Tony is my partner however I do not think he cares for me in that way.

Well this case gave us a mummy which lead to a serial killer. However I was surprised when it turned out that the wife was the killer and not the mummy (her husband). However you had to wonder if they were not in it together.

Tony has been disappearing more and more. It is almost like I have no partner. Even since I was set up by Iranian Intel and Gibbs returned he has been pushing away. Maybe I should have never told him that my father was spying on me. I told him it was no big deal. However he immediately quit coming to my place and we started to talk less. In the 4 months Gibbs was gone we had built a strong friendship. We talked about how to handle various issues at work, about films, about his life and mine. I guess it did not mean anything.

Well, Tony has took his relationship to the next step. He is a little more chipper. However unlike other times he was not willing to discuss it openly. This must be serious. I wonder who the lucky women is?

At least Ducky and Gibbs made up finally. Gibbs is like my father and Ducky like my grandfather and I do not like seeing them not getting along.

* * *

Driven

12 December 2006

We had to attend a sexual harassment class this week. Must admit the highlight was licking Tony and watching him jump then him trying to cover it up. Jenny at least fixed it so we did not have to attend the class again since a case pulled us away from the class.

I have made it clear to Tony that the pictures he took of McGee and I in the humvee will be destroyed. If I ever find those he is a dead man. However there are things worse than death.

Tony is having to take in stool samples now. Something is up, he is going to more doctors appointments and still leaving work. I had to go to a crime scene by myself and then I had to wait for him to show up. I tried to ask him what is going on however he will not tell me anything. I saw on the phone that he was getting a call from the hospital. I am very worried.

Poor Abby almost got killed by the IA humvee as McGee was sitting there. McGee took it very hard. He really beat himself up about this. Abby thank goodness is fine.

Tony actually fell asleep at work and was very tired. I also noticed he had a hospital ID band on. I am curious why he did not remove it for work and get a new one when he went back?

Gibbs caught me researching Y. Pestis (plague). I tried to confide my worries however he did not seem to be concerned. I am very worried that Tony could be having complications from his bout with the plague. I have lost to many people I have loved to loose another.

* * *

Suspicion

16 January 2007

Well, this week we went to the boondocks as Tony and McGee put it. I must say this was an experience. Not sure which was worse the musical accompaniment they did or the town we went to.

We got into a major discussion about secrets coming into work at the start of the week. I tried to get the name of Tony's girlfriend however he is not willing to divulge it yet. Usually he loves to give there names talk about them what they look like and how great they were. This time he is not saying a word. I think I underestimated Tony he is better than I thought.

The sheriff was so clueless about terrorist. Best place to hide is small out of the way area. However the one thing that is universal is hatred of others. I admit we all hate someone however you can not blame everyone. Just because some muslims do some bad things does not mean all are bad.

I questioned Gibbs about why he sent Tony back. I totally put it out there and told him how concerned I was about Tony. He has been so secretive and going to the doctor a lot. However Gibbs did not think I had reason enough to be so concerned. I wish I would have not said so much to him now. I do not want Gibbs to know how much I really care about him. However I think I may be to late now. I will be more careful what I ask in the future.

I am getting tired of Tony not answering my calls. He is always answering his other phone. I know I should not be jealous however I am getting very jealous I admit, I should not be getting jealous, I have not real right. He is my partner at work, not my lover. Heck I do not think I would. Ok I am lying I would like to have a relationship with Tony. However I want a long term relationship I do not want just a one night stand.

I tried to explain to Gibbs why I have been pushing for information about Tony. I informed him about his trips to the hospital and the tests he is having done. I told him I thought Tony had something seriously wrong. However Gibbs informed me it was not the only explanation. Then he totally changed the subject. I wanted to ask him more however I know that he was done discussing this. Maybe I will talk to Jenny.

Ohh we caught the bad guys. Hate is a bad thing as I said. They were making bombs because they hated the US. However at least there are 2 less doing that now.

Please review:) Thanks for reading:)


	26. Chapter26 Sharif Returns Dead ManWalking

Disclaimer: Need I say it.

Ok I see I have lots of people reading this however very few reviews. Please they make my day, let me know if you like it or do you think I am off base.

This has been very hard to write as I hate Jeanne and I have to watch the episode which means seeing her with Tony. Ewwww. LOL.

* * *

Sharif Returns

23 Jan 2007

Well our bomber from the golf course returned. This time we were able to apprehend him before he could do massive damage. Though he did try, and nearly succeeded in taking out Gibbs.

Again we had to work with the Army CID.

I am getting tired of Tony's second cell phone. It is interfering with our job. He is getting calls while we are working and instead of ignoring the calls. I am getting tired of this new girlfriend. At least other girlfriends did not call him all the time and if they did it was in the office only.

I have had it with Gibbs he wants me to know where Tony is however he would not tell me where he thinks Tony is going. I am so mad that Tony had put me in this position. I do not mind covering if he is late, however when he is never around I hate to cover for him.

Tony calls me when he realizes there is a major problem so at least I know he is watching tv. However what if it was something else. I am starting to loose trust in him. I can not depend on him for anything.

However I am starting to wonder if I can trust anyone. In the past year I had started to trust Gibbs, Tony, McGee, Abby and Ducky. Now I am wondering if my Mossad training was right you can never trust anyone.

* * *

Blowback

6 Feb 2007

Finally a true covert operation. I have not had this much fun since I left Mossad. Let's face it I may be still working for Mossad technically however I do nothing that I use to.

Well Tony did not disappoint me this time. Instead he was there and we apprehended the suspect and set him up. I was impressed we could trick him so easily. I wanted to personally interrogate him Mossad style however Gibbs refuses to let me do anything more than hit his face and not to hard either.

I went with McGee to track the suspect we were told about from the first suspect. He refused to let me drive and if he went any slower I think the suspect could walk faster than he drives.

McGee had called me sweet cheeks. This is Tony's nickname for me. I was not to happy when he called me that however I managed not to show I was bothered. Though I also learned that McGee gets manicures. This will be good to use if I need to get anything with McGee.

Well this was a first for me we actually chased a suspect into a heart attack. However I now see that Tony is being controlled by Jenny. I thought I knew Jenny well however I think the directorship has changed her.

I finally got to see Tony's mystery girlfriend. She looks nice. She is young and pretty.

Now at least I know what has distracted my partner, at least partially.

Jenny has a vendetta. I just hope she does not loose site. I saw how she was in Cairo. I had to knock her out at one point in order to save her life. She is very stubborn, once she decides she is going to do something she will not stop till she achieves it.

Though I did have fun pretending to drop the lap top, Jenny almost had a heart attack.

I wish I had a chance to use my sniper skills I have not had a chance to do that in a long time. I actually was disappointed when I was told to stand down. I would love to take Tony on a Mossad op. I do not think he would last in the office for a day.

* * *

Friends and Lovers

13 Feb 2007

Well I got to give lessons on knife throwing. Agent Lee nearly killed Gibbs. I think she needs to go back to Legal. She did well on the undercover assignment however I think that was a fluke. Not to mention she did not have to handle any weapons that were used. McGee will need lots of practice however I am sure he will do well after practice. Tony as usual surprised me with his skills. With a little effort he could do as well as me.

I am starting to think I am becoming Gibbs personal finder. Now he had me find McGee, who was in the mens room. I must admit it did not bother me to go in and talk with him however I think it bothered McGee.

I had a good laugh when McGee and I walked into Abby challenging her Mass Spectrometer. Abby is so funny, I love to hang around her.

I can not believe I did a dance right in front of Tony and he did not even look at me. Apparently he was to involved with planning a trip for his girlfriend. He is getting serious it seems, I wonder how long before he is engaged?

Jenny has refused to talk to me about this vendetta she has. Hopefully she will trust me to tell me like she use to.

This case in the past week was different. However it was fun to dress up with Abby and Agent Lee and McGee and go undercover into the club. This time Lee did not do as well undercover. She appeared to look awkward and uncomfortable.

I now know that Tony was gone at times for jobs that the director had for his undercover assignment.

Abby totally confused me in regards to Valentines day. I never had seen anything like what she called a chickie baby. Talk about strange, it was have a doll with chicken legs. I really was thinking I was confused, however Abby set me straight.

Unfortunately we lost a fellow LEO on this case. It is sad when he could have been saved if he would have had a bullet proof vest on.

* * *

Dead Man Walking

20 Feb 2007

Well McGee got a new Armani jacket that was $2000.00. Apparently his book is doing very well.

This newest case brought in a Lt Roy Sanders I immediately thought I knew him. Something about him looked familiar however it took awhile for me to figure out where I knew him from.

I was surprised when I learned that I saw him most mornings when I did my jog. I stayed with him in the hospital even after I figured out how I knew him. By this time, I had started to enjoy his company. Now looking at this I think I may have transfered my feelings for Tony to Roy. I know this sounds strange, so I am going to try to explain.

I have slowly been loosing Tony over the last several months. Roy reminded me of the things I love in Tony. A friend who I could talk to without worry that he was fearful that I was a mossad agent. He did not care what I had done, he just liked being around me. What hit me hard was that I knew he was dying. It was like I was letting Tony go with loosing Roy.

I knew I got to close immediately. I should have kept my walls up. Maybe my father is right I am becoming soft working with NCIS.

Roy was the best parts of Tony. Friendly and concerned and flirtatious. Why is it everyone I love has to die. Roy was a lot like Tali also, he saw good in everything and everyone.

It was so sad that Roy was killed because a women wanted him to not leave her. Now he is gone forever. When we told Roy who had done this to him he was shocked. However then he asked what was going to happen to her. He was concerned that she was going to prison for rest of her life. He said what a waste of a young life. Never once did he get mad at her or say it was not fair.

Tony has called and checked on me. He came to the hospital and stayed while Roy was dyeing. He held my hand and held me as he passed. However I had to remind myself that Tony has someone now and that he was gone just like Roy. Tony was right I fell in Love with Roy however it was because he reminded me of Tonyand Tali. I am not sure where this would have went if he had lived.

I know I said somethings to Tony that was not nice. He tried to be supportive and I pushed him away. I am thankful for Tony making it so that Roy and I could go outside for awhile. Poor Tony had to get poked and prodded, however he said it was no big deal he said it was worse when he had the plague. Maybe Tony does pay attention, or maybe I let my walls down to much he was able to read me pretty well through this case, even when I did not want him to know my thoughts.

Gibbs offered me some time off however I refused to take anything other than the day of the funeral. I needed to get back right away. When he was unconscious I slipped his orange beanie into my bag. At least I have a piece of him to keep now.


	27. Chapter 27 Skeletons to Cover Story

Disclaimer: Need I say it. However I do own much of the story up till Chapter 14.

Thanks for the reviews:) Please continue to review:)

This has been very hard to write as I hate Jeanne and I have to watch the episode which means seeing her with Tony. Ewwww. LOL. I am so glad for the fastford feature:)

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Skeletons

27 Feb 2007

I am back to work and things have not changed other than Roy has died. I refuse to let it affect me at work. No one has said much and we have a case that has helped me focus.

We found several bodies in a crypt at a funeral for a marine. Abby has been very cranky and not acting like herself. So this has made it easier to keep McGee and Tony asking me about Roy.

I had to interview the first victims family and McGee must have got concerned as he told me to pace myself and thought I was emotional. How dare he, I just was offering her support letter her know I understood. I was not crying or anything like that. He was lucky that Tony interrupted me.

When we went to the crypt Col. Mann was there. Tony and I got to watch Gibbs and her talk about their lives. Tony, McGee and I talked about how people changed. Tony no longer is flirting with every women he sees. McGee changed when he wrote his book, and made it difficult to trust him. Then Gibbs has changed how he prefers women, usually he only dates redheads now he has this blond, and the redhead mystery women has disappeared.

I went to Abby's lab and she was obsessing over shoes. I tried to talk to her about what was bothering her however she then went into the tissues samples I was after. So I decided to leave her be if she wanted me to know what was bothering her she would have told me.

I had fun interviewing the killer, however I would have loved to have done this by myself. However I admit I am glad Gibbs was there to keep me from getting to close. However he did let me have a little time alone. I could tell he was trying to come up with a story, unlike Mann I knew he was guilty.

I finally found out that Abby had been dumped by her boyfriend, and she was upset about it. I was glad to hear her music back in the lab. However Abby did offer to listen if I needed to talk about Roy and gave me a hug. I will admit I almost lost it at that point, however I thanked her and then left. My voice tried to deceive me however I refused to let anyone know how much it hurt to loose him.

I got to interview the girlfriend, I did not like her from the start. She played it all to well. However she will be joining her boyfriend soon also.

* * *

Iceman

20 March 2007

Tony started this week out by giving me a hard time. I went jogging on the route that Roy use to jog, however it took me a little longer to complete than he completed it. I want to be able to run in the same time he did. How dare Tony give me a hard time about being late though since he recently has been missing whenever I need him.

McGee and I talked a little about Tony and the girlfriend while at the crime scene. She calls Tony all the time and Tony rarely calls her. To me this means he is not sure about this relationship. I wonder what Tony's real reasons are for this relationship is. Tony spent most of the time at the crime scene talking to his girlfriend on the alternate cell phone.

I went with Gibbs to see why the young Marine had went back to Baghdad. We did not get a lot of information. However when we got the call saying that the marine had a visitor at the hospital we were surprised to see that it was Mike Franks. It was his son that was the marine. However Mike had to make the choice to let him go. I felt so bad for Mike he had not got to know his son for very long and now he was loosing him.

I would have loved to got the loan shark into the OFFICE. I am sure he was not talking about NCIS either. Ohh how I admit if he is anywhere outside the US he will be getting to visit the office and soon. It would be worth the trip to Israel to interrogate him under our rules their.

I tried to get information on how Tony is doing with his girlfriend. He has been calling and calling her and not getting hold of her. He must have made her mad, and he seems to know that. However he was just snide and blew me off. I also heard him say her name is is Jeanne Benoit. I am very tempted to call in a couple favors to get information on her.

We went to go find the package at the FF. However when we got there the package was gone. However the package was human cargo.

Mike Franks was a prime suspect for the murders at the ff company. However we determined he was not guilty. However the human cargo was safe and was not a terrorist.

* * *

Grace Period

3 April 2007

This past couple weeks have been hard. It is hard anytime you loose a member of the agency. I have lost many of my fellow officers in Mossad. In Mossad it is just a part of life, and you are always ready to know that this could be your last mission.

However it was hard to believe that it could have been us. It was suppose to be our weekend to work the hotline, however Gibbs had traded the weekend with Cassidy's team.

We arrived to the explosion and found a suicide bomber inside the store. I had heard or I should say read about Paula Cassidy, she and Tony had a small past. From what I could see they still had feelings for each other.

The last few weeks have been horrible. It seems as though everyone around us has been dying or leaving. I should have never let my walls down. If you do not get close to people then it does not hurt as much when they leave.

Gibbs called me on how I was having Paula focus her anger on me. He reminded me that they could hate you for life. I informed him that I could live with that. It was not the first time I had someone who hated me.

This case has been interesting there was a hidden passage way from the one store to the next. I was impressed that Tony found the entry way.

Agent Cassidy was remarkable. However I will not get a chance to know her better. Paula did what any good agent would do and gave her life to protect others. She focused and did what was right to protect everyone. In my book she is a hero, and deserves to be treated as such.

Tony and McGee both took it hard that this could have been us. They need to realize this could be us anytime.

* * *

Cover Story

10 April 2007

Well this week we learned that McGee was writing a new book. He finally admitted that the characters were based on us in his book.

Tony tortured poor McGee about his writer's block. I got into the torture some and reminded him that his book was about us. He denied at that point in time that the book was about us.

This case involved Tim's book. A fan had decided that the book was real, and even figured out who he was using from reality to base the characters on. Which reminds me I need to see if my father has read this book. I am sure it would not take long for him to figure out who Lisa and Tommy are, however the romance is fictional.

At least I got to read the newest chapters in McGee's book. Tony and I both agreed that he would pay. He better buy more finger nail polish remover, as we are stocking up on super glue.

I will admit McGee has nailed us a little, well maybe. He did get it right about my broken heart and the memento. However as Tony mentioned the scene where Tommy and Lisa pour out there hearts to each other, that has never happened. Though I could see out of the corner of my eye that Tony was getting uncomfortable as he tugged at his collar of his shirt. Though McGee got it right about Tony's identity crisis. He is struggling with who he was and who he is becoming. Though we both finally agreed that the book was unrealistic and never happen.

I did not realize what a fan Abby is of Deep Six. I think she maybe one of the few people at NCIS who is in the book that likes it. I was impressed how she handled the end of this case. Only Abby would almost get killed and then worry about how her character's life was about to change in a book.

I have always been proud in that no one can read my feelings. However it seems that Tim can read me like a book. I will have to be more careful about how much I am letting people see. Maybe I need to talk with Tim and see how much more he thinks he knows.


	28. Ch 28 BrothersInArms AngelofDeath

Disclaimer: Still can not convince CBS to let me have the show.

Thanks for the reviews. Please let me know what you think. This is the last of season 4:) I will be starting season 5 soon.

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Brothers In Arms

24 April 2007

I am becoming very worried about my friend Jenny. Something is going on with her, and I am not sure what it is. She is the director of a federal agency yet she is wanting to still play spy. I confronted her however she refused to talk to me. She has changed a lot in the past few years.

She is not thinking how the director would be a valuable target for terrorist and other various agencies for countries not friendly with the US.

However at least Tony drew the short straw and was the one had to talk to Jenny about her behavior and where she is going. After all Tony seems to be her favorite.

However he did not get any useful information.

I know Jenny has lost it when she is more upset that a suspect was killed even though he tried to kill her team. Though she tried to deny it.

Jenny still is good at interrogation. Well at least here in the US. She would have never made it in Mossad. Though I think she could have adapted to the techniques we used.

Though after seeing that she was set up with toy guns in the shipping container I think she would like to catch the frog in Israel so she could interrogate him there.

* * *

In the Dark

1 May 2007

Sometimes when you can not see things, you see the most. In Mossad they tried to teach us that you needed to use all your senses. You needed to not rely on any one thing.

McGee had commented I was getting emotional the other week, now I showed him I was not. He commented he would not know what to do if he lost his eye sight. I told him he would adapt and if not he would deep depression and would eventually die. I think that should keep him pleasantly confused.

Abby has decided to quit caffeine. I am impressed she went cold turkey as Tony put it, which I learned meant she just stopped with out slowing down or weaning off. I am proud of her I hope she can do this. I would have love to seen her biting off Tony's head.

Tony and I had to go interview the Commander about the p.o we found. While we were there I was impressed Tony actually ignored the first call from Jeanne then he got a text message that totally distracted him. Then we finished our interview and he said he had a dental appointment and left. I no longer believe the dental and other medical appointments. He is off to see her, how can he let himself be so distracted from work.

I am so mad at Tony. It was one thing when he was ill, however now that I know he is dumping the work on me to go see her I am not happy. He has another thing coming if he thinks I am going to do everything.

That darn phone of his went off again and what does he do, but goes around the corner to accept the call. We all went and confronted him as he hung up the call, Well actually McGee and Gibbs left and I confronted Tony.

So, Tony is going to be moving in with this girl. However I noticed he was not that excited about moving in with her, he was having reservations by saying it was complicated. I tried to be a friend and he used his comedy act to try to push me away. However I did not let him do that and I regret that I threatened him with violence.

I did confront him that he was worried about getting hurt, and he admitted he is worried about hurting her. I let my walls down and told him that he was a good person and then left before the conversation could go further. I had wanted at one point for us to have a relationship, however now that he has her I just want to be his friend to talk with. I just do not want to see him get hurt.

I had to interrogate the photographers assistant. The only thing I got out of the interrogation was that her boss who saw so many things though being blind totally missed that his assistant loved him. It is amazing how love can be blind as someone who can see nothing but darkness.

Well in the end we found the killer and solved the case.

* * *

Trojan Horse

8 May 2007

Well Gibbs has been acting director for a few days now. Jenny went to Europe for a conference.

This for me has been one of the more interesting cases. A cab driver came into NCIS with a fare who wanted to see NCIS and died before he could talk to us.

I have to admit the cab driver was interesting. He had more stories than Ducky. I have not laughed this much in a long time. It was nice to relax and laugh on a case.

I have learned more about my co workers on this case also. Abby's first time was in a cab with the cabbie. She claimed it was his first time but that is hard to believe. However I do not think that McGee or Abby believed when I said my first time was on a weapons carrier. Hmm you have to keep them guessing. Maybe I have not lost my ability to make people guess if I am telling the truth.

Tony was having way to much fun calling to see if anyone knew the dead people on the list from the dead man in the cab. I hated every call, I should have tried to dump all the calls onto Tony like he likes to do with work of his. Though when I asked him to even help with a few calls he refused then called her. I heard him say it also, he said he loved her. I just hope he does not get hurt, and I hope that she loves him the same.

Little did I know that the cabbie had been lying to us the entire time. Gibbs gut is good, however that I have known since the night in his basement. Though personally I wanted to shoot the cabbie after he said I reminded him of his mother. I am young enough to be his daughter. How insulting, if he would have been in Israel I could have shot him and been justified.

* * *

Angel of Death

22 May 2007

Jenny arrived back from her conference in Europe, the agency has been saved. Gibbs will never be a director unless the agency wants to fall to disrepair.

Tony and I arrived in Abby's lab to see McGee hooked up to a homemade polygraph. Sure enough I also found out that I had a polygraph test also. Thank goodness we are trained in Mossad how to take and pass any polygraph. I have never failed one yet, I will have to tell McGee how to pass the test.

We all went out to the bar and Tony was suppose to join us, however he did not. Though shortly after Ducky arrived Abby and McGee got called away. Leaving just Ducky and I to have drinks and wait for Tony.

Ducky tried to profile me. He said I was like a mother with a toddler or a women with a wayward lover. I finally admitted I did not have a good feeling that something was wrong that Tony was not their. I know that is strange, however I think Tony is in trouble. He is my partner and even though he has not been as reliable the last few months this time is different. I know he has a girlfriend and that he does not belong to me, however as I said this is different. I just have a feeling.

Well I am going to get some sleep. It has been a long night and this tequila is making me sleepy. In the morning when I wake up I am going to find Tony and make sure he is ok.


	29. Chapter 29 Bury your dead to id crisis

Sorry it has taken a long time to update however I needed to see where season 6 was going. I will go through season 5 in the next few weeks. However I am not starting season 6 until mid August. I write this as how I think Ziva might have seen the circumstances of the episode, her thought and feelings. Personally I think she would write this in Hebrew. However I do not know how to write in Hebrew and most can not read it so we will pretend. Also since it is her thoughts sometimes a thought is not finished or you jump around this is so she can analyze everything and she needs to be careful not to be to specific incase this would be found and used against her.

Enjoy the Diary this is the start of Season 5

Review Please, it is the only payment I get and I need my fix:)

We all know the disclaimers.

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Bury Your Dead

25 September 2007

I am writing this after looking back at the last few days. I am wondering how much I am really a part of this team? Gibbs totally left me in the dark, I will find out why though it may take a long time to get the answer.

I arrived on Saturday to work, I was going to make some phone calls and pull in a few favors to see anyone could get me information on this mystery women who was taking my partner.

However I could have never imagined what would have happened. We were in MTAC and had located Tony's car or should I say Professor Di Nardo's car. It appeared he was in no signs of distress and was alone in the car. However he was still not answering the cell phone. We watched as Tony was driving down the road and then suddenly his car blew up. I have seen many explosions in Israel, a favorite of suicide bombers, and I knew instantly there was no way he could have survived this. However I could only call his name out as I stood up in MTAC watching this nightmare unfold.

We arrived at the scene, I could smell the horrible smell of burnt flesh, I had smelled this before and it never leaves your mind. I started toward the car and threw down my pack. I was glad that Gibbs had asked McGee to photograph the scene. However I grabbed my camera and started to photograph the scene also.

McGee asked if I believed in Miracles. I quit believing in them the day my little sister died. However Tony was the only person I had told about her, why I am not sure, it was not something I shared usually. I then looked at Tony's ID and cleaned off his picture. I could not let my feelings go yet.

I was sitting at my desk starting to think about loosing Tony and McGee was driving me mad with looking at the explosion over and over. I decided to look also and try to put my mourning to use and find this bastard that killed him. As I was watching the films with Tony I saw the limo it was in every frame. Gibbs was right he was following someone.

However then Ducky came up and gave us the best news I have ever heard. The body was not Tony. This body had never had the plague and Tony had. Now I could have hope.

Trent Kort showed up from the CIA, it appears he knew about Tony's car, however he denied involvement in the bombing or Tony's whereabouts. As Trent started to leave Tony showed up on the elevator. I wanted to take him out when he grabbed Tony, was glad to see that Gibbs and McGee both had the same thought. However Kort let go of Tony and Gibbs motioned to put away our weapons. Personally I think we should have shot him then and there.

Abby told on us taking items from Tony's desk when we thought he had died. I was surprised that Ducky and Jimmy also had taken momento's. I had done this since I was a child and my mother had died. I wonder why they had done it? Was it to keep a piece of him close? Too bad I had to return his letter opener it would have gone nice with my knife collection.

Tony finally realized that he was not the person the bomb was meant for. He realized that he had a routine of picking up Jeanne at the hospital after work and going to breakfast. He then realize she still might be in danger. Gibbs sent Tony and I to go pick her up.

We arrived to her apartment, it was empty. I found a card addressed to Tony. He looked at the card and then asked if I ever lied to someone I love. I looked at him and debated internally for a few seconds how honest I wanted to be with him. I told him the truth, Yes I had lied to someone I love, and continue to lie everyday. I regret the day that he finds out that I have lied to him, however I do not think Tony will ever realize that I have lied to him. Tony on the other hand has found out how it feels when you lie and get caught.

I am amazed that Tony had told her the truth. He made the decision not to continue with the lies. However I really think he did love her. He made the mistake of falling in love with his assignment. He was lucky I have known many others who have done this and were not lucky enough to live to tell the truth.

I offered to put a BOLO out on her however Tony said she did not want to be found. I think he said this because he was not ready to find her. I am not sure why I left, however I did, maybe I should have stayed with him? However my previous experience was telling me he needed to be left alone to think things through.

We found Benoit's yacht however he was gone when we arrived. However something about this did not feel right. I just can not put a finger on it.

* * *

Family

2 October 2007

I arrived to work and was having fun tormenting McGee if he had ever lost his virginity. He is so easy to get riled up, and I knew it would give Tony some fun, I had seen that his car was already there and figured he was at his desk. However I pretended to be shocked that Tony was there before us and working.

I offered my friendship and a ear to listen when I saw that he had the note from Jeanne sitting on his desk. He informed me if he needed cheering up he would put superglue on McGee's keyboard. Well you guessed it McGee was glued to his keyboard. However it did not really cheer him up, his smile is still not reaching his eyes.

I felt so bad, I do not think that McGee realizes that Tony really did care for the girl in his assignment. I do not think it is right for McGee to tease Tony concerning this girl. Nor do I think it is right that Gibbs assigned him to call people to explain about someone not telling the truth.

This case was interesting, a young sailor was killed all because he ran a stop sign hit a car and got involved in another murder by accident. However this led us to a case of a missing baby.

When we were at the house we found a nursery. I had to laugh when I got into a discussion with Gibbs concerning children, and how the couple could have went through legal channels to get there baby back from the surrogate. However Gibbs then asked me if I wanted to have children. I started to answer, however he cut me off saying it was a simple question. He then told me when I have kids I would understand why these people would kill to get there child back. However then I pointed out if they really loved their child they would get it medical attention.

I could tell this case was making Tony think about what could have been. I am right, his feelings were more for this girl. I wanted to tell Tony I knew he was upset, and that if he needed to talk I was there, however he cut me off before I could offer.

Later when we were back at work, I cornered him in the bathroom. Again I saw the man who never washes his hands after using the bathroom. I have to admit I cringe every time I see him shake hands. However Tony tried to avoid talking with me by comparing me in the bathroom to cinemax, whatever that is. I have been watching Tony fall apart and he needs to stop this before it effects his performance at work.

I was very honest with Tony telling him he made an error in judgement in falling in love with that girl. He should have never allowed his self to get involved with his assignment. I tried to tell Tony he needed to let go his feelings, he had not thought this through. I had read the card she left for him, she wanted him to go be with her, to leave us. I needed to have him realize that he was not the person she thought he was. Was he really willing to become Tony Di Nardo? Did she know Tony Di Nozzo? How much of the real Tony had he let her see?

I have been in Tony's shoes. I have had to convince someone I loved them and then finish my assignment. Tony would have never lasted in Mossad. He can not seperate his emotions. Though, Tony crossed the line when he brought up Roy. This had nothing to do with him, and how dare he compare them.

Tony got totally obsessed with Panda poop being used for paper. However I swear if he brings it up again I will kill him without a thought. He is lucky he is still alive as it is.

It took a few hours and Tony talking about Panda poop, however I told him I accepted apologies unlike Gibbs. Tony admitted he knew I was trying to help, however then was distracted with some information that came in.

In the end the baby was found and the biological parents got him back. Tony also made a decision, he decided to stay Tony Di Nozzo. I am so happy that he has decided to stay and not go with her. However he has a lot of healing to do, though he has grown up so much this past year, hopefully we will not see a regression to the old Tony. I really like the Man he is becoming.

* * *

The Ex-File

9 October 2007

Abby bought all of team Gibbs as she refers to us new Ipods. I must admit this was a great gift. I love listening to a variety of music. I downloaded several songs from my favorite Israeli group. Tony apparently downloaded Frank Sinatra who he calls old blue eyes. I will have to research this more. McGee though downloaded a seminar on being an alpha male, I will have to store this for future use to get information out of him.

Tony surprised me he actually admitted that he may see me as something more than just a Mossad agent. However I am not sure I liked that he thought of me as a girl. A women yes, but a girl is a child and that I am not.

Well this week I finally got to met the third ex Mrs Gibbs. She was a beautiful red head named Stephanie. Must admit I could understand why they got divorced, she had a temper. However it was interesting in seeing how the current girlfriend, the ex girlfriend and the ex wife got a long. I think I saw Gibbs actually cringe. I guess he does have a weak spot.

I must admit I loved Tony's analogy of the meeting of the ex's and current girl being a train wreck that you can not look away from.

Tony seems to be dealing well his choice to stay as Tony Di Nozzo and stay with the team. However he has changed. I just can not put a finger on it yet.

I was impressed Abby can land a nice sucker punch. She is not as defenseless as she puts on.

* * *

Identity Crisis

16 October 2007

McGee is searching for a puppy. I always thought it would have been fun to have a dog, however with my career you can not have something that might tie you down. However McGee does not have to worry about going off anywhere, and Abby I am sure would watch the dog for him if he had to go anywhere. McGee actually took a chance to take a shot at Tony about his lost relationship. I tried to pretend I did not notice the hurt in Tony's voice.

I have made friends with a young women who had some great potential as a FBI agent. I am surprised she was not all over Tony however she was more interested in advancing her career in the male dominant world.

I must admit I had my concerns about this agent, she is very green and naive. I thought she had become involved with her suspect. However I think my jealousy may have clouded my judgement. I thought Tony may have noticed however he never said anything.

I think I surprised McGee by going through the agents purse. He brought up something about a women's code. I never heard of this, however I was convinced that this agent was responsible for the murder of the dead man in Duck's morgue. I was a little upset when McGee said Tony liked this agent. I knew he had basically tricked me when he said this and I countered that Gibbs did not like her and ended the discussion.

I am surprised that Tony was interested in this young agent. She did not seem to be his type. However it seems that maybe the old Tony is returning. I actually confronted him on this, however I wish I had done it in a less public place now. I was surprised he did not have more of a comeback. I think I may have got his goat, as I have heard the expression used, and if it is wrong I am sure if Tony ever reads this he would let me know.

I finally realized that I was giving this agent a hard time because I thought she might interfere with Tony. However I realized that she was not a threat and soon befriended her. However when she and Tony was undercover I had great fun in getting Tony all wet. Must say Tony was all thumbs as was the young agent. Did Tony feel guilty when he heard my voice I know from experience when we were undercover usually he is not all thumbs.

The young agent was impressive, when the suspect attempted to take us out she took him out first. I really miss judged her, and apparently Tony he did not even try to get her number. However I got it, though she understands that I prefer Tony to her. I wonder if Tony knew she preferred women? I am sure that would not help his psyche any.


	30. Ch 30 Leap of FatihDesignated Target

Again I apologize for taking so long. However I wanted to see where season 7 was going. I will try to post as I can. Depends on my work schedule. I hope you enjoy this. Let me know if you think I am off. Some entries are shorter because of little Ziva involvement.

Disclaimer You know the rules.

**Leap of Faith**

**23 October 2007**

Today we were summoned to a Naval Officer that was on top of a building getting ready to jump to his death. I can only imagine what was going through his mind. Gibbs tried to talk him down and had convinced him not to jump when a shot came from across the street hitting him and he fell to his death.

Tony had fun teasing McGee about his fear of heights. I reminded him about his rock climbing experience. What else would Tony do to impress a girl?

Abby is being flirted with by some company headhunter. Tony says they want her to leave NCIS and work for them. I can not believe the rumors going around. However I hope they are not true I would hate to loose my closest friend I have had since Tali. Tony is moping around because she might leave, he really needs to stop trying to find trouble.

The naval officers wife was interesting. I had my suspicions, Geesh, now I sound like Tony. Blaming the wife every time.

Tony told me about the psychiatrist office and how the Doctor thought that he and McGee were a couple. He said McGee got really embarrassed. I would have love to seen that. However I know Tony would die if anyone in the office thought he was not straight.

Met Niki Jardine this week she is an intel analyst. I am a little concerned that Tony maybe interested in her up till she showed that she is OCD with cleanliness. However must admit Tony's fake sneeze was priceless. Though I loved getting to tease him about his interest in her.

However I know that he is really not interested in her, at least not past looking at her. Though they do have a few things in common, fear of Gibbs, movie buff, fear of Germ for her, and commitment for him,

I am getting tired of Tony throwing it in my face that I am a foreigner. I wish he knew how much it bothers me, however maybe that is why he never tries to ask me out.

Tony compared me to the wife, who is a secret spy. Again another dig, I should hate him, however I keep finding myself drawn closer to him.

Tony was almost killed today, he was hanging for his life on the side of a parking garage seven stories up. When I stopped the wife, I wanted to kill her however Gibbs was nearby and knew I did not have a reason to kill her. However if she had done anything or if Tony would have feel I would have killed her without a second thought.

* * *

**Chimera**

**30 October 2007**

Tony came near dying today, I was trying to complete a report and he continually hit me with spit balls. He was saved because Abby showed up, and I had to try find out a way to get out of going to this thing called Brain Matter. Then Gibbs came and rescued us.

Well this mission is top secret so the rest of this diary entry is not related to anything.

However I will recall that Tony is afraid of rats and a hypochondriac. McGee is seasick and really needs more like a patch than just the pills, he cost me $10.00.

* * *

**Requiem**

**6 November 2007**

Tony was the hero this week. He not only saved Gibbs, he saved Kelly's (Gibbs's daughter) best friend from childhood.

I feel guilty however, as I should have been their to back him up. We could have lost all three of them. Tony should have called me.

* * *

**Designated Target**

**13 November 2007**

Tony again almost died this week, and at my hands. Not only did he interfere when he should have not, he now has me married and having to explain to relatives about Tony. I was talking to my Aunt Nettie as I was coming into work and she was asking advise on how to tell her mahjong partner she wanted to separate. Tony thought I was talking to a man, and well lets just say he probably has heard what he told Aunt Nettie many times since it seems many of his dates are married women. Aunt Nettie thinks I should keep him, and that he sounds nice, not to mention she loved the flowers he sent, even though I told him not to. I will have to find out how he got her address.

Abby gave up caffeine again and is barely able to function. McGee has a new girlfriend, however she took him to the cleaners I think is the saying. Only McGee seem to not mind that she was taking his money and wanted to try to work out the problems with her. I will never understand men.

The crime we investigated this week was a Admiral that was killed in a taxi. However he was not the intended target. Instead it was a man from Burundi, and was a gypsy driver. He was a political refugee.

I had lots of fun with Tony concerning his interest that I have not adapted to the US yet. I know I mix up things with my language and say things backwards, however sometimes I do it just so he can correct me many times.

Tony needs to learn to talk with people from other countries he would never last in Mossad. If he had to go to other countries he would not know how to adapt. His sarcasm would get him killed.

The man we were looking for had a wife, she told me all about how they were soul mates. She asked if I had met mine and told me I would know that person the minute I did. I believe in soul mates, however I do not think my soul mate senses what I do when I am around him.

I asked Tony about his feeling about immigrants and he just gave me a bunch of bull. Then when I asked him about soul mates he did his typical avoidance tactic and compared it to some movie or tv show.

However in this case the soul mates was not enough, the man had thought his soul mate was killed and so he had remarried in the US. It was so very sad, and the look Tony gave me as the women drove away, it was like he said so much for soul mates.

I never considered myself a romantic, however I guess somewhere deep inside I do have a romantic side.


End file.
